


Broken Polaroid

by azulas_impala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Dean Winchester, Abusive John Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bondage Rape, Child Abuse, Gang Rape, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Prostitution, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape Torture, Raped Dean, Raped Dean Winchester, Scared Dean Winchester, Struggling Bobby, Tied-Up Dean Winchester, Tortured Dean Winchester, abused, anal rape, graphic description of rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-27 17:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 34
Words: 64,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20764241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azulas_impala/pseuds/azulas_impala
Summary: Dean and Sam Winchester are on a hunt in Utah, and the whole thing flips when Dean gets raped and attacked outside a bar. Sam and Dean struggle how to get through the traumatic event, and it causes Dean to open up about his past. After Sam learns, he wonders if his brother will ever be the same again.( I TRY to post every week too, btw)Any polite criticism in the comments is greatly appreciated!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was kinda nervous to post this story, but here it is! Second chapter is where it all goes down. This chapter is far shorter than the others I have written so far, and I'll be posting every week.

**CHAPTER ONE**

Sam took another bite from his freezing cold sub. Him and Dean had ordered some subs yesterday, and he hadn’t finished his and threw it into the rooms mini fridge. So now it had become a research snack. Sam looked over his shoulder to see Dean sprawled across the bed, his feet bouncing obnoxiously as he read through another book about hauntings in Cedar City, Utah. 

Sam had found a case in the newspaper the other day that resembled something pretty close to a spirit, so they drove most of yesterday and now they were here. 

So far Sam had found out that it could either be one angry brother that was murdered by his sister, or just some crazy old man that used to live near where all of the attacks are happening.

“Yo,” Dean suddenly said, breaking the relatively quiet silence. They had some music softly playing, but from where Sam was sitting he could barely hear it. “I just crossed out the wacko that lived on Elm Street. So it’s the sadistic brother we need to dig up and burn.”

“Well, it’s already five, and we’re gonna have to do it around midnight,” Sam shrugged, shutting his laptop. 

“So we’ve got about seven hours to kill,” Dean sighed, tossing his book on the ground towards the others they had borrowed. “I’m gonna head to the bar soon then.”

Sam was about to push Dean to not go. He was only seconds away from telling Dean that he needed to stop drinking so much and that he just needed to get some rest. But he knew Dean too well. He wasn’t going to listen no matter what Sam said. Dean would say Sam is making him sound like some patient, and he wouldn’t even look at Sam with that.

“Well, I’m gonna order some pizza or chinese and watch a movie,” Sam said, sitting on the bed beside Dean, “You can stay or go, your choice.” 

Dean stopped for one second, but then he swung his legs off of the bed in one swift motion and walked towards the desk and grabbed his wallet. “Nah, I’ll come back later then we can dig up our ghost.” 

“Alright,” Sam responded as he watched Dean walk out the door. 

Sam sat, completely clueless of what he was going to do. He had said he was going to watch a movie and order some food but that was a lie. He was really just going to do some more research or find them another case. Or find another lead on where their father was right now. Last they knew he was in Oklahoma, but that was almost two weeks ago so he had definitely moved by now. 

Sam got up, walking towards the bathroom. He grabbed a bottle of pills and stuck his head under the sink to get some water in his mouth. He took two painkillers, wincing as they slowly slid down his throat. His head had been killing him lately, so this was his solution. To forget about it and take some pills occasionally. 

Sam started to take off his clothes, deciding to shower for a bit before he poured useless hours into researching. Sam placed his phone out of his back pocket, and then slid his jeans off. He stood in front of the mirror just staring at himself in only his boxers. 

He had scars littering his body, a few bruises around his hip that were finally going away. The last hunt him and Dean had gone on caused Sam to get pretty beat up at the end of it. Sam normally hated his body. It was something he had never told anyone before. He knew it was stupid, but because of all the hunting they did Sam’s body was covered in painful markings. He hated how he couldn’t have a clear body. A normal body that didn’t rise questions every time someone saw him shirtless. A body that didn’t cause him to lie to every girl. Also a body that could at least make him believe he was normal and not some hunter. 

He took one last look in the mirror and stepped away, taking off his last piece of clothing. He turned on the shower and was about to step in but he quickly decided to run out of the bathroom and go grab the radio so he could listen to music. He grabbed the radio and played a random station that was audible through the crackling. 

Sam finally stepped into the shower, the warm water running along his entire tensed up body. Sam leaned back, letting his thoughts course out of him as he felt his whole body relax. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Hope you enjoy, and good luck to Dean.

**CHAPTER TWO**

Dean walked into the bar, staring at the same old dingy lights. He strolled up to the bar table, scanning all the other people around him as he walked forwards. 

“Corona Sol if you’ve got it please,” Dean smiled to the bartender. The man nodded, and in just a few seconds Dean had his favorite beer in front of him. 

A slight smile spread across his face since him and Sam can rarely find a bar that serves this kind of beer. Normally the bartender will just shake his head and hand him normal Corona, but Dean doesn’t complain. 

Dean looked around, noticing a whole group of college boys playing pool together. He started to take interest, watching how the blond is off balance from being way too drunk. The short guy knows how to play though, he’s hitting his friends with certain moves Dean has only seen himself do. Dean has to admit he’s pretty impressed, which definitely means he should not try to hustle those guys tonight. 

Dean glanced over to a pretty dark haired girl sitting alone at a booth in the corner of the bar. He debates going over, but he knows he has to wait just a few more minutes if he wants to end up taking this girl home. He knows how to pick up girls so quickly it’s as if he was shooting a gun. 

He hates how he can do it though, and after each night of meaningless sex he always feels guilty. He knows some of these girls he would date, but he leaves them before it’s even seven in the morning. He wants to actually sit and have a date with them, but he never does. Dean just conjures up some lie about who he is and why he’s moving around so much. He knows he most likely does it to just escape the crushing pressure of being a hunter. 

Dean takes another swig of his beer, pushing all of that down along with it. He feels his phone buzz in his jacket and he quickly grabs it out of his pocket. It’s just Sam texting him and letting him know that he’s coming over to the bar and should be here in about an hour. 

For some reason this gives Dean a sense of comfort, knowing Sam will be here to just talk about random stuff and the possible case they’re on. Also, it will make sure he doesn’t walk over and try to end up sleeping with that girl over there. 

He knows he doesn’t have enough self control to not talk to that girl. He’s even aware that some days when Sam is with him he still ends up the next morning lying beside some blonde. 

Dean looked up to the TV, not really caring what was on. All that he saw was a bunch of men in jerseys singing along to the national anthem. He assumed it was just another unimportant soccer game that was probably going to make this whole entire bar raging. Dean never really got into sports, and he never would since he didn’t know any of the rules or anything. 

“Hey,” A female voice purred beside Dean. 

Dean quickly glanced behind his shoulder to see the same dark haired woman he had been thinking about for the past five minutes.

“Hi,” Dean smirked, eyeing her as she slid into the seat beside Dean. He watched as her fingers danced around the top of her beer bottle as she kept her eyes locked on him. 

“I gotta say, you’re one of the nicest looking men I’ve ever seen walk into this bar,” She chuckled, finally glancing away from Dean. 

“Really?” Dean smiled, watching her blush. “Ya know, I was actually thinking about going over and talking to you, so thanks for doing me the favor.” 

“Alright,” The woman sighed, her dimples fading from the loss of a big smile. Instead, a small smirk flickered across her face as she looks back to Dean. “Let’s cut the small talk, okay? We both know what we want to do tonight, so why don’t I just lead you out back to my car?”

Dean paused, slightly shocked from the sudden bluntless. “Well, I have a friend meeting me here in an hour or so.” 

“We can get there in an hour,” She smirked, “I’m Emily by the way.” 

“Dean.” 

She stood up, and Dean made sure to look her up and down in time for her to notice. She grabbed his hand, pulling him away from his seat. He quickly reached into his pocket and set a ten dollar bill down onto the counter to pay for his beer. 

He had only done this a few times with a girl. He wasn’t one to just have sex with a girl after five minutes of knowing her, but he honestly didn’t know how to say no. There had been one time when this cute redhead had asked him, and they did it in the backseat of the Impala, but Dean had felt so guilty afterwards. He walked back and acted all tough with Sam, but really he felt like an absolute piece of trash. 

He didn’t want to do the same thing now with Emily. He just had no idea how to tell this really hot girl that he didn’t want to have sex with her. 

Dean walked through the bar, noticing a few men staring at them as they walked away. He wasn’t sure if they were looking at Emily and Dean, wondering why they were in such a rush. Or if they were staring at Emily, or at Dean. Dean was completely aware that quite a few men liked to deny if they were gay or bi, and a lot of them liked to stare at Dean.

Dean had always known he was attractive, but he had to admit, the first time he had a guy hit on him it made him feel extremely uncomfortable. He’s kissed a few guys, maybe had a few makeout sessions, but he never went any further. 

Dean pushed those thoughts away, not sure why he was thinking about that when he was about to go have sex with a girl. 

He felt the cool air brush against his face as he stepped outside with Emily’s hand still in his own. He stepped up so he was beside her now, and she shot him a quick smile. 

He felt extremely weird about doing this so suddenly. Dean only knew this girl’s name, and Sam was going to be here waiting for him in an hour. Dean had a strong feeling in his gut telling him to turn around and stop this. 

He felt his stomach swirl around with nerves, but he shoved them down. He wanted to do this, despite his worries. 

He looked around at all of the cars in the parking lot, wondering which one could be Emily’s. His eyes glanced across the Impala, and he noticed that the space beside it now had a truck in it. When he got here it was empty, and he was sure of that since he always tries to find parking spots where his car won’t get hit. 

Dean felt her pull on his hand, pulling him away from the cars. He glanced over at Emily, a deep worry spreading through his mind. This chick was into some weird stuff if she was leading him into an empty alleyway where anyone in the parking lot could see them. 

“Where are we going?” Dean lightly laughed, trying to keep his voice casual even though he was starting to grow paranoid. 

“C’mon,” Emily just shook her head and laughed. Dean heard something move behind him and he quickly whipped his head around to look. There was nothing.

Dean looked to now see that the alleyway had turned into a weird secluded area that couldn’t be seen by the parking lot. Dean’s mind was beginning to race with ideas of what could be going on. 

He stopped walking, pulling his hand free from her firm grasp. “Listen, I don’t know what kind of kinky shit you’re into, but this is definitely not what I had in mind.” 

Emily turned around and finally looked at him. Her hand went to Deans face, pulling him down into a hungry kiss. 

Dean met the kiss, parting his lips open more for easier access. He began to slide his hands up her back, her hair brushing the tops of his fingers.

Her hand was pressed against his chest, while he couldn’t quite feel where her other one was. 

As his hand reached her head he felt a sudden punch hit his gut. He pulled away from the kiss, gasping for a breath of air. 

He hunched over, his stomach burning at the unexpected attack. 

He looked at her in confusion, and through his slightly dazed view he saw her with brass knuckles on. 

“You bitch,” Dean mumbled, spitting on the ground. He stood up more now, glaring at her. 

“Calm down, big guy,” A male voice said. 

Dean whipped around, his hands in fists and ready to strike. 

He stared at the two men standing in front of him. One of them was about his height, but had a stockier and wider build. Dean knew that guy probably had way more upper body strength than he did. The other guy was a few inches shorter than him, and he looked like he had a bit of a beer belly. 

He looked at both of their belts, noticing that they both had pistols slipped right at the side of their hips. 

“Alright, I don’t know what you guys think is gonna happen here, but I hope you know whatever is I have no plan in staying for the after party,” Dean said, putting his hands up in defense.

The two men just threw their heads back in laughter, and took a threatening step towards Dean. Dean glanced over to the woman who was now walking away from the situation, but before she did the shorter guy handed her a wad of cash. 

“Oh, so you think I’m some bimbo blonde who wants to get passed around for cash?” Dean now said with a bit more sternness in his voice. He had a few ideas running through his head, but he was trying to push those away to just focus on the present. 

“You’re too pretty to be that,” The taller one said. Dean felt bile rise in his throat at the innuendo being thrown at him. 

One of them lunged at Dean but he was quick enough to move aside and bring his elbow down against the man’s back. The other one came running towards Dean, but he jumped away, not swinging at this man. 

Dean stared at the man who went flying by him, stupidly looking away from the man on the ground. 

“Billy, c’mon!” The man still standing shouted. Dean felt a sudden pulling on his ankle, and he looked down to see Billy gripping onto his leg. 

Dean shook his leg around, trying to get free from Billy’s grip. Before he could even blink he felt a metal object slam into his head. 

Dean crumpled to the ground in a second, his hands flying to grip his throbbing skull. He felt himself roll a bit, trying to regain his sight or at least his thoughts. He kept blinking rapidly in an attempt to see the men standing above him, but he could barely make out if they were to his left or right. 

He felt a heavy boot connect to his stomach and he couldn’t help but let out a grunt in pain. He pushed his chest up with his elbow weakly, but a blow directed to his ribs had him down on the ground again. 

Dean began to curl up, not even able to see what was going on at this point. He just pathetically took the beating, his body too weak to fight back now. He knew if he hadn’t been whacked in the head with a pistol he would probably be more likely to get up and fight back, but the immediate kicking made it even harder for him to recover. 

A sickening crack filled the area as one Dean’s ribs was split, causing him to cry out in pain. He glared up at the men, and the one he didn’t know the name of laughed. Dean knew he was screwed, and now he had a busted rib to top it off. 

“Joey, c’mon man we need him to be awake,” Billy sighed, finally stepping away from Dean’s broken body. Dean tried to lift himself again, but a foot slammed into his back, pressing him against the ground. He felt a sudden fear grow in his chest as his breath grew weak from the intense pressure on his back. 

“What the hell do you guys want from me?” Dean growled, thrusting his chest back up again. 

Dean felt the foot slip off his back for a second, so he took it as an opportunity. He rolled himself over, quickly picking himself back up. All he could feel was his throbbing and aching ribs and stomach area. Dean glared at the two men, one of his hands lightly hovering over his stomach. 

“Nothing much,” Joey shrugged, smiling at Dean. Dean just looked at them in confusion, not really sure what was going on. 

Dean looked at Billy as he pulled something out of his belt. It was the pistol he had been hit with earlier. Billy slowly lifted it upwards and aimed it for Dean’s chest, more specifically right at his heart. Dean put his hands up, wincing at the pain that flared through him as he did so. 

“Get down on the ground,” Billy ordered. Dean just looked at him in complete shock, not understanding the threat. 

“What?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrows. 

“Get down on the ground!” Billy repeated, waving the gun around threateningly. Dean didn’t flinch even though on the inside he was screaming. He had no idea what was going on, and he didn’t really want to stick around and find out. 

“You think I’m kidding?” Billy shouted, and Dean hoped the dumb bastard had been loud enough to alarm someone about what was happening out back. 

“I don’t think you’ve got the balls to kill me, Skippy,” Dean snipped, throwing a quick glance to the parking lot. He could barely see it, which was driving him even more insane. 

“If I have to say it again I sure will,” Billy said, his voice growing oddly confident. 

Dean watched as the gun went from towards his chest to his knee. He heard the loud boom before he felt the blinding pain splitting his knee into pieces. Dean yelled out, seeing stars from the intense fire clawing its way through his leg. 

He had been shot in the thigh and calf before, but never the knee. Unfortunately that was now not true. 

Dean didn’t even feel his other knee connect to the pavement below him as he fell. All his mind could comprehend was the pain in his leg. 

“Keep him down this time why don’t you,” He heard Billy snap at Joey. 

Dean felt a boot kick him all the way down, and his breath left him in a second as his chest slammed into the cement. He gasped for air and tried to reach for the foot he knew was coming back down onto his back, but he was too slow. 

He felt the familiar boot be placed back onto his already hurting body, and he caught himself from letting out a small whimper. 

Dean started to ignore the burning in his knee enough to process what was going on. A hand reached down and grabbed the little bit of Dean’s hair, yanking his head up. 

“Try and tell me that I don’t have the balls to do that again there, Deannie,” Billy smirked. Shivers went straight to Dean’s spine at the sound of his name. These rotten bastards knew his name?

“Who the hell are you guys?” Dean managed, but all he got back in response was a harsh stomp on his back. Dean bit his tongue, trying to keep himself from crying out from his rib. Too much of him was hurting for him to even remotely think clearly, and Dean knew that was exactly what these fuckers were trying to do. 

Dean looked over his shoulder to see Joey grab a small dagger from his pocket. Joey was the one with his foot placed expertly on Dean’s back, so he really couldn’t reach Dean with the knife but Dean was still free to worry about that. 

“Tie his hands back first,” Joey said to Billy, and that’s when Dean’s heart began to race. Dean tried to thrash around, not wanting these guys to get him tied up and helpless. 

Dean watched as Billy pulled out handcuffs and stood over Dean’s hurt body. Dean felt himself wanting to tell them to stop, but he wasn’t about to start begging for anything. 

“His jacket,” Joey mumbled, just quiet enough for only Billy to hear, leaving Dean completely clueless of what they were planning. Billy grabbed onto Dean’s jacket, yanking it off aggressively, quick enough for Dean to not even try to struggle free when the foot lifted off his back for a second. 

Dean watched as his jacket was tossed to the side, but soon his vision was blocked from Billy’s legs placed on both sides of Dean’s face. 

Billy grabbed ahold of Dean’s wrists, wrenching his arms together painfully. Dean attempted to rip himself free, but between the foot on his back and Billy’s death grip he knew wasn’t going to get anywhere. 

Dean could barely see over his own shoulder, but he saw as the metal cuffs clamped down onto his own bare wrists. Dean threw his body up in a last attempt of trying to get free, but all that got him was Joey slamming his foot into his back even harder. 

He watched as Billy stood back up and was now holding the dagger in his hand. He leaned back down towards Dean, bringing the dagger right to Dean’s neck. 

“Getting a little close for comfort there, buddy,” Dean writhed, still squirming under Joey’s foot. 

Billy slipped the dagger across the back of Dean’s neck, dragging it along his spine. Dean hissed in pain, squeezing his eyes together. He had felt this before, so he knew he was strong enough to give them the satisfaction of crying out like he did with his knee. 

He felt the warm blood trickle along his back, but in some weird way it motivated him to remain silent. 

He wasn’t sure how long he would last with this pain though. His rib felt like it was going to shatter from the pressure of being forced into the pavement. His knee was a whole new level of pain, it was still throbbing and practically screaming at him to remove the bullet from where it lodged itself in his kneecap. 

Dean was aware of how screwed up he was going to be once he got out of this. His knee would never be the same. Most people that get shot in the knee lose complete control over their leg. 

Dean couldn’t really care about that at the moment, the intense pain he was feeling in his knee was excruciating and all he really wanted to do was scream. 

“You really think a tiny little knife is going to hurt a Winchester?” Joey laughed at Billy. 

Dean couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride with that, but he knew something worse was going to have to come now that they were aware that this was tolerable at the least. 

“All we got with the knee was one scream, you gotta go big,” Joey said, and Dean could picture the nasty smirk he probably had plastered on his face. 

Dean wanted to say some snarky line back, but he was already trying so hard not to cry out in pleaing desperation. He had never been so fearful for what was about to happen to him. Everytime he gets kidnapped and tortured it’s always by some pissed off demon or ghost that him and Sam are trying to kill. These guys seem like ordinary people, despite them toying and hurting Dean. 

Wrapped in his own thoughts, Dean was oblivious of what was happening right behind him. Billy grabbed out his pistol again, and lifted it back behind his head. He kneeled down beside Dean, whispering into his ear. “Let’s see if you like this, Dean.”

The foot released it’s position on Dean’s back, and Joey sat down on top of Dean’s legs instead.

Dean knew there was no way he was getting out of this, but he found it amusing that they were still anxious that he was going to try and find a way out. 

Billy suddenly brought the pistol down with an intense force, connecting it right onto the crook of Dean’s spine. 

Maybe if Dean had been prepared for the agonizing blow delivered onto his back, he wouldn’t have released such a choked and pained cry.

“There ya go!” Joey laughed, but Dean couldn’t care less if they were laughing or not. 

All Dean could focus on was the electrifying stream of pain coursing through this entire spine. It spread across his whole back like an unnerving coldness, but it was just pure torment. 

Dean heard as the pistol came whipping through the air, only to make a sickening crack on his shoulder. Once again, Dean cried out, but this one was quieter than before. 

Billy didn’t even hesitate this time, he just brought the pistol right back down. 

Dean had too much on his mind too think about why these random strangers were doing this anymore. His knee felt like it was about to explode, and his head was throbbing so intensely Dean was surprised he wasn’t seeing double. 

His ribs were hurting even more from the new beating he was receiving, but Dean could only focus on the pain of the pistol. 

It felt like someone had placed a stun gun right on the literal bone of Dean’s spine. His whole back spasmed each time Billy brought the weapon down onto his back. 

Dean never knew a weapon he uses everyday could cause such pain without a bullet. 

Time seemed to slow down as Billy mercilessly abused Dean in the back alley of the bar. 

“Please!” Dean suddenly shrieked, surprised out how desperate and pathetic he could actually sound. 

“What was that?” Billy said, not bringing down the pistol again. Dean was thankful for even the few seconds of relief, he had counted twenty seven hits with the pistol. Dean knew if it had continued he would’ve passed out or even gone in some coma for the rest of his life. 

Dean stared at the ground, wishing he could crawl through it and escape this hell, but he knew that would never happen. 

“Please,” Dean managed to say, feeling sick for begging to these sick bastards. “Stop.”   
“I guess he’s done with the foreplay,” Billy mumbled, and Dean froze at the choice of words. He suddenly realized that his belt was gone from his pants too. 

Dean felt his pulse began to race, and he started to squirm underneath Joey’s weight. All of the pain he was feeling suddenly subdued, adrenaline pumping through Dean now. 

He started screaming for help, trying to catch any innocent passerbyers outside of the ally. This typically wasn’t something Dean would do, but he had become extremely desperate by now. 

Billy stuffed a sock in his mouth, and Dean reflexively gagged from the disgusting taste and smell he received from it. Dean had only gotten one cry for help out, so he made the unfortunate conclusion that no one was coming to save him from this hell. 

“Calm down there, tiger,” Joey cooed, pressing his hands onto Dean’s raw back forcefully. Dean held back a groan, but continued to thrash his legs from under Joey. 

Joey grabbed ahold of Dean’s shirt, tearing the bloodied and ripped fabric from Dean’s bruised and cut flesh. 

Dean felt the shirt go from underneath him in one swift motion, leaving his bare chest on the uneven pavement. 

Joey pressed a hand on Dean’s spine, kneading his knuckles into one of his wounds. His other hand slammed Dean’s head onto the ground, tearing the flesh of his cheek. 

“Now, stop moving,” Joey purred into Dean’s neck, lightly pressing his lips against his shoulder. “All you need to do is sit and look pretty.”


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Dean didn’t know what to do, his mind was jumping around trying to land on one logical way out of this mess. His hands were handcuffed and he had a sock in his mouth making it so he could no longer cry for help. He also had a grown man saddling his legs down to the ground.

Dean had suddenly gone cold, not ready for what was about to happen. He couldn’t let these men rape him, he couldn’t. It was as if the little pride Dean had spent so long trying to build his whole life was being ripped apart right in front of him. 

Joey grabbed ahold of Dean’s waistband on his jeans, slowly tugging them down towards Dean’s thighs. 

Dean started struggling again, trying to twist himself free from Joey’s grasp. He felt another pair of hands grab onto his boxers, yanking them down quicker than his jeans. 

Dean felt the cold night air hit his bare legs and ass. Dean thought it was slightly better knowing his penis was pressed against the ground where they couldn’t see it. 

He had too many thoughts racing through his mind now, the pain he was feeling just kept growing immensely. He couldn’t let this happen to him, but he knew he was far weaker than his captors now. His body felt like giving away, but for some cruel reason it wanted Dean to be awake for what was about to happen. 

“What a wonderful ass,” Billy growled, “You’re just made to have a cock stuffed in you.”

Two hands landed firmly on Dean’s ass, spreading his cheeks apart. After that comment and how violated he was right now, Dean shuddered in pure disgust. 

Before Dean even had time to process he felt the head of Billy’s dick pressing at his closed hole. Dean started to shake his head violently, knowing how bad this was going to hurt, it might even beat everything he had already gone through. 

Billy shoved in aggressively without any prep or warning at all, and Dean felt his whole body burst into flames. Even though Dean had a sock in his mouth, the scream he released was still full of agony. Tears fell down Dean’s face as Billy continued to thrust into him, his hands on Dean’s hips. 

The pain was absolutely unbearable and brutal. It was rippling through Dean’s entire body, making him want to vomit up everything in his stomach. 

“You’re a dirty little slut, I know you’re loving this,” Joey commented, but he couldn’t be more wrong. 

Dean felt every nerve in his body burn up, leaving him in pure pain. Every thrust sent a whole blast of acheing torture through him. 

Dean could feel the blood dripping out of him from this sudden suffering he was going through. The blood streamed down his thighs, leaving a red sticky mess all over him. 

Billy began to speed up, and Dean knew what that meant. The disgusting fuck was about to cum inside of him. 

He couldn’t help himself any longer, he vomited right into the sock stuffed in his mouth. The vomit just sat in his mouth, but Dean was more disgusted with the thought of this guy orgasming inside of him. 

He heard Billy moan out, and felt him shake in pleasure as he came into Dean’s ass. Dean squeezed his eyes shut in revulsion as he felt the warm liquid settle deep into Dean’s hole. 

Even though Dean was completely sickened by the fact that Billy had just done that, he was thankful that it was finally over. 

Billy finally pulled out, his cock covered in blood and sweat. “You were just so good.”

Dean kept his eyes shut, refusing to look at the man or accept what just happened. 

Joey stood up, and Dean mentally sighed in relief until Billy took Joey’s previous position on top of his legs. 

Dean felt his heart hammering again, his mind racing with doubt that it couldn’t be over. His questions were quickly answered as he felt Joey place his hands on Dean’s hips.

Dean just let out a sob, not ready to go through it again. His shoulders began to shake he was crying so hard. By now, he was spewing out pleas for them to stop this torture. 

Joey pressed his cock right into Dean’s ass, smiling at the hellish scream he received in return. 

Dean bit onto the vomit soaked sock so hard he thought his teeth were going to shatter. Joey was practically two sizes bigger than Billy had been. Dean could feel his flesh ripping apart with every thrust, somehow more blood had managed to flow out of his ass. 

Dean was creepily thankful that he was bleeding, it was almost helping as a lube in a way. But Joey was too much for him, he was too big. The tender flesh of Dean’s muscles clenching around Joey’s cock began to tear apart with each thrust that sent ripples of pain through Dean. 

“Oh,” Joey moaned, digging his fingernails into Dean’s hips. “You’re so tight.”

Dean just laid there, not even moving this time. All he could focus on was trying to get a breath of air whenever he stopped gasping or screaming in pain. His chest was being ripped apart from rubbing against the pavement, and Dean knew Joey had to tear at least five things inside of Dean. 

Dean felt another surge of bile reach the back of his throat, but he forced it back down since he still had some sitting around in his mouth due to the sock. 

Dean tried to force himself to lock himself somewhere far away in his mind as Joey started to moan louder, growing closer to his release. But he couldn’t. It was too real for him to do that. 

Joey came into Dean, giving Dean the same exact raw disgusting emotion he had felt when Billy had done it. 

Dean shivered, his whole body convulsing from the disgusting feeling of the warm semen of the two men just sitting in Dean’s hole. Joey pulled out of Dean, and both of them stood up and away from Dean’s broken body. 

Dean felt as one of them undid his handcuffs, and he didn’t even bother looking at if they had a gun pointed to him. He honestly was ready to gratefully accept death after that. His whole body was throbbing in pain, but the worst was the disgust for himself, and just how nasty his body now felt on the inside. 

Just thinking about what had just happened made Dean want to puke all over again. 

“You ever see a Winchester look so pathetic?” Joey laughed, and Dean heard the zipper of one of their pants. 

Billy laughed, “Well, thanks Dean. Have fun getting out of here before your brother gets here.”   
Dean heard them walk off, and all he wanted to do was run after those bastards and kill them, but he couldn’t move. He was radiating in pain. 

Dean looked over to his side to see his jacket crumpled up at the wall of the bar. He had to get out of here before Sam came looking for him, or at least get dressed. 

Sam can’t know that Dean was just raped, it would break all that Dean had left. 

Dean pulled the sock out of his mouth, disgusted with the remaining vomit that just trickled down his jaw to his chest. He could taste as some blood started to come from his mouth, and he assumed it was probably from how hard he was biting down on the sock. He tossed the sock away, not looking to see where it landed. 

Dean put his good arm underneath his body, propping his knees on the ground. Even though his knee was killing him, he had to push on it in order to get up. He counted down in his head and on three he pushed with as much effort as he could. 

His chest came off the pavement, and Dean winced as he felt raw flesh burning with the cold air. Dean sat back on his knees, his ass screaming at him to move.

Dean forced himself to stand, his knee feeling as if it was about to explode. Dean put a hand out, propping himself up against the wall. He leaned down and pulled up his jeans, feeling more vomit building up in his stomach. 

After he had buttoned it jeans, he looked around for his belt. He turned around, but he still couldn’t see it. 

The sons of bitches probably took it as some sort of trophy. 

Dean crouched just enough to grab his jacket, pulling it over his naked chest. He did a few of the buttons, enough to cover up the blood all over him. 

The jacket made his cut up chest and back burn in protest, but Dean wanted to get to his car without any questions. 

Dean went to take a step but his knee refused to let him move, locking up in place. Unprepared, Dean jerked forwards and he fell face first into the concrete. He cried out as pain trickled along his body once more, and he rolled himself over so he was on his back. He got himself to sit up, but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to walk anywhere. 

Dean sighed, feeling tears begin to well up. He couldn’t start crying now, it was over. He had nothing to cry over anymore. The tears started to stream against Dean’s will, and it was making him feel pathetic, and for some reason worthless. Deep down though, a part of him couldn’t stop crying. 

A ringing beep made Dean jump, and he looked down in his pocket as he felt the familiar buzz of his phone. 

He pulled his phone out of his jacket, and felt a surge of relief mixed with panic as he saw Sam’s name on the screen. 

He answered, not sure what he was going to say. 

“Dude, where the hell are you? The car’s here, but you’re not anywhere in the bar,” Sam’s slightly annoyed but also worried voice rang through the phone.

“Uh,” Dean paused, surprised at how raw his voice sounded. His throat was stinging a bit, but Dean barely noticed. He just had no clue how he was going to explain himself. “Out back in the alley.”   
“What are you doing back there?” Sam asked. 

“A bar fight, gone a little to the bad side,” Dean let out a small chuckle, trying to resemble his normal self. It was scary how quickly Dean could fake a smile. 

“How bad are you hurt?” Sam asked, and Dean knew Sam was probably already on his way to the alley.

“Pretty bad,” Dean said with honesty. He had no point in lying, he couldn’t even walk right now. 

Before Sam could respond Dean saw him standing at the end of the alleyway, squinting to see Dean’s sitting form in the dark. 

Dean put his phone back away as Sam came running up to him. 

“Holy shit, what happened to you?” Sam asked as his eyes ran all over Dean’s body. Sam was clearly assessing how bad Dean was hurt, but Dean was thankful that Sam couldn’t see what really happened just from looking at him. 

“Like I said, bad bar fight,” Dean said, “Now can we get back to the motel? I hurt like a bitch.” 

“Yeah, are you sure you’re good?” Sam asked one last time in confirmation. Dean could see the growing panic and worry in his brothers eyes, and he planned on making sure Sam thought he was fine. 

“Yes, can we get the hell out of here before I pass out?” Dean asked, quite seriously. Sam put his arm under Dean’s shoulder, getting a loud hiss from Dean in response. 

“Busted?” Sam questioned as he quickly put his arm under the other shoulder.

Dean just nodded, trying to block out the pain he knew he was going to feel in a few seconds. 

“Dean, your knee,” Sam said in shock, taking his arm away from Dean once again. “I can’t fix that.”   
Dean felt his heart race. Sam was going to say they were going to a hospital. Dean couldn’t go there. They would probably find out that he was raped. 

“It’s just a scratch,” Dean lied, even though the feeling in his knee was saying otherwise. 

Sam didn’t say anything, he just gave Dean a condescending look. 

Dean huffed, getting ready to stand again. Sam quickly put his arm back under Dean’s good shoulder, hoisting Dean up. 

Dean winced as his whole body protested against him wanting to walk, but he forced the pain back down. 

“Dean, you can’t even make it to the car,” Sam pointed out as they inched forwards. 

He felt himself growing weak again, and he knew most of his weight was relying on Sam right now. He was too powerless at the moment to even stand. His feet began to sway, and he felt as if his body suddenly weighed hundreds of pounds. 

Dean’s eyes slid shut, and all he heard was Sam’s worried cry as he went falling towards the ground. 


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Sam quickly caught Dean’s body before he connected into the ground. “Dean!” 

He lightly shook his brothers limp body, but he gained no response. He looked at the parking lot, trying to see if there was anyone that could help. 

Instead he laid Dean over his knees, and he decided to grab his phone. Sam knew how pissed Dean was going to be when he realized they were going to the hospital, but Sam had no other ideas. 

“911, what is your emergency?” A woman answered. 

“My brother got into a bar fight, his knee is bleeding pretty bad. I think he was shot, and something is wrong with his shoulder,” Sam rambled, “He has blood on his head and I think he’s hurt more than he’s telling me. He just passed out while trying to walk.”

“What is your location?” The woman said. 

“Uh, the bar Harley’s, off of Route 95,” Sam quickly answered.

“Alright, there is an ambulance headed your way right now. I’m gonna need you to stay on the line with me,” The woman explained to Sam. “What’s your name sir?”

Sam paused, trying to remember the name he used when the had to go to a hospital. “Micheal.”

“Okay, Micheal,” She said, “Can you tell me your brothers name?”   
“James,” Sam blurted out, “James Corderio.” 

Sam really hoped these were there fake names they used. 

“Where are you and your brother in relation to the bar?”   
“There’s an alleyway around the corner, I found him here.”

“Okay, the ambulance is only two minutes away now.”

Sam looked back down at Dean’s broken figure. Something else was wrong with Dean. He knows his brother. Dean wouldn’t have passed out from a busted shoulder and knee. 

Sam slid his hand under Dean’s back, trying to feel if anything was wrong with his spine by any chance. Chills flew through Sam as he felt all the blood coming off of Dean’s back through his jacket. 

Before Sam had a chance to inspect any farther he heard the ambulance pull into the parking lot, the tires screech echoing all around him. 

Sam kept his eyes on his brother, trying to understand why Dean would lie when he’s clearly hurting far more than he’s letting off. He could feel the blood sticking on his own hands, and he was at a loss for what could cause so much blood on his brother’s back. 

Sam looked up when he saw the emergency workers come running over to him and Dean. 

“His back is bleeding, I have no idea what it could be,” Sam told them, not really sure why he did. They were going to find all of this out anyways. 

Sam suddenly realized he had hung up on the 911 caller, but he really didn’t care after thinking about it. 

“Sir, we’re going to need you to stay put since your brother could possibly have a spinal injury,” A man said to Sam. 

Sam just nodded, looking over to the ambulance. “What hospital is this?”

“Cedar City Hospital,” A woman said, standing in front of Sam. “They’re going to lift him up and take him off into the ambulance, can you tell me what happened here, Micheal?”

Sam looked at the woman in pure confusion, his mind racing. The woman in front of him was a cop, not an emergency worker. Sam watched as they took Dean away from him, but he just sat on the ground in shock. All he could process was Dean’s broken body being carried away on a stretcher. He saw blood drip off Dean’s fingertips, and he squeezed his eyes shut in fear. His brother was severely hurt, this is worse than Sam has seen in a while.

“Sir?” The police officer asked him, trying to get Sam to respond.

“Uhm, I’m sorry,” Sam muttered, he stood up finally to properly look at the woman. “What was your question again?”

“What exactly happened with your brother James?” The woman asked, leading Sam away from the alleyway. 

“I have no idea,” Sam shrugged, watching as she leaned against her cop car. “I came over trying to find him and when I called him he told me some guys had beaten him up. A bar fight of sorts.” 

“Okay, Micheal was it?” She asked, and Sam quickly nodded. “I”m Officer Paige. It’s pretty clear that your brother was in more than some bar fight.”

Sam stared at the woman, not really sure what she was suggesting. He wondered if she knew who they really were and knew about hunting and maybe some demons had attacked Dean. Dean wouldn’t have said it was some random guys though. So Sam was back to having no idea what she was pointing at. 

“Do you know of anyone that would try to hurt your brother?” Officer Paige asked Sam.

Yeah, Sam thought, a shit ton of pissed of demons and ghosts. “No, no one that I can think of.”   
Officer Paige gave Sam a skeptical look, but she quickly got rid of it. “You can ride in my car over to the hospital if you would like.”

Sam was about to say yes to her offer, but then he realized he needed to spend the least amount possible with any cops. He also saw the hood of the Impala glimmering in the corner of the eye, and hurt or not Dean would be pissed if he left it here. 

“No thanks, but thank you for the offer though,” Sam responded. 

Sam quickly walked over to the Impala, not sure how he was actually going to get in. He had taken a taxi here, so Dean had the keys. Before Sam could think of an actual plan he saw glass shattered near the drivers side. 

Sam’s eyes widened as he stared at the sight in front of him. Glass was littering the ground, making the dark pavement glitter in the dark night. There was writing painted onto the side of the car’s doors, and it read “Hope you like this too bitch”.

Sam felt anger surge through him as he looked at the mess in front of him. Whoever attacked Dean knew who he was and had this planned for a while, and Sam wasn’t about to just let that slide by. Sam walked over the glass, hearing the shards crunch loudly but he couldn’t care less at the moment. 

He stuck his hand through the broken window, unlocking the car. Sam looked past the car to see the ambulance driving away, and for some reason he stood and watched it drive away for a while. He really had no idea why he did that. It might’ve been that he scared to lie to the police officers and doctors, or that he was going to have to tell Dean about the car. 

Deep down Sam knew why he couldn’t will himself to sit down in the car and drive to the hospital in that moment. He was too scared of what was wrong with his brother, and how he could be hurt this badly and want to lie about it. 

-

Sam walked through the hospital, his eyes scanning for a directory that would lead him to his brother. He kept looking at the walls, but when he finally found a list of all of the different sections Sam realized he had no idea which one his brother could be in. 

He walked up to the main lobby, his eyes landing on a dozen different people just sitting around. Sam knew they were all waiting for their loved ones to come out of a surgery or out of the emergency room. All Sam wanted though, was to not end up sitting alongside these people. 

Sam ran up to the information desk, and one woman looked at him and gave him a welcoming smile. 

“Hello, honey,” An older black woman said to Sam, “What can I help you with?”   
“My brother was just taken by an ambulance and I would like to know where he is,” Sam said hurriedly, staring into the women’s eyes. 

“Oh, is it the boy James?” She asked, her voice growing thick.

“Uh, yeah,” Sam nodded, “James Corderio.”

The woman nodded slowly, typing the name into her computer. “He’s still in the emergency room, so take a right and then another right and he’ll be in there somewhere. God bless you.”

Sam gave her a weak smile, and he glanced over at the pitying looks the other women at the desk were giving him. They had all already heard about Dean and what was wrong with him. So whatever it was it couldn’t be good. 

Sam walked down the hall, taking two rights like the woman had instructed him to do. Sam bursted through a pair of big white doors, and he stood still once he saw all of the different people being cared for in front of him. 

He frantically looked around trying to find Dean, and his eyes finally landed on two of the emergency workers who had picked Dean up. Sam went over to them, and the closer he got he saw how they were standing right beside Dean. 

Sam slowed down once he was standing right beside Dean, and his breath stopped. Now that they were in better lighting, and Dean’s jacket was off, Sam was able to see every mark all over his brothers chest and back. 

Sam barely even noticed the doctor tugging on him, leading him away from Dean’s broken body. All Sam could see was his brothers body stained a dark purple and black, from god knows what. His whole back was littered in horrible bruises and a few deep cuts across his shoulder blades and tailbone. His chest had skin peeling off and it was rubbed raw from something being dragged along it. 

“Micheal,” The doctor pleaded, finally pulling Sam away.

Sam felt tears stream down his face as he saw the one thing that concluded his suspicions. Near the waistband of Dean’s jeans were lighter bruises right on both sides of his hips. Sam let out a silent gasp, now knowing what had happened to his brother. 

Sam looked away, not sure how much more he wanted to see. When he closed his eyes his brothers bruised and bloody body shot through his mind, leaving Sam helpless. 

“Micheal,” The doctor repeated, and Sam finally looked at him.

“I go by Sam, and he goes by Dean,” Sam said to the man, wanting to be called by his actual name right now. 

The doctor didn’t question, and instead he continued to speak. “Sam, I’m Doctor Sheppard. Your brother has taken one serious attack, and his injuries are quite major.”   
“Is he going to die?” Sam asked bluntly, needing to know just how major it was. 

“There is always a chance that could happen to every patient that comes through these doors, but your brother has suffered a major beating and we need to gain permission from you to run some tests before we continue.”

Sam wiped some of the tears off of his face, and looked Doctor Sheppard in the eye. 

“Please don’t gloss over anything for me either, just tell me everything you know,” Sam begged, and he watched as Doctor Sheppard’s eyes showed sympathy instead of business.

“Your brother was raped with what we assume was a male attacker. He has extreme bleeding to to the anus which is caused from lacerations. Lacerations only occur when a shearing force causes the deep skin to tear. We haven’t been able to examine his rectum yet, since we need you to sign a form before we go that far,” Doctor Sheppard paused. 

“Yes, yes, of course,” Sam nodded, blinking back tears. 

“From the looks of it only his anus was penetrated, but his mouth does have severe bruising around his lips. Not from penetration more from something being forced within it for a long period of time. In talk of bruising he has bruises from where his attacker held him forcefully and his back is covered.”

Sam took a deep breath, the sight of his brothers murdered back coming into his mind again.

“We believe he was beaten with an instrument like a hammer or pistol. His entire back is covered in bruises and about a dozen or two deep flesh cuts caused from the repeated movement of something being brought down onto his spine,” Doctor Sheppard took a breath and looked over to Dean, “Also, the repeated movement of thrusting caused his chest to rip open minorly from being rubbed against the concrete below him. His chest has skin ripped off in certain sections.”   
“His knee was also shot, which will require surgery to remove. When he was being beaten we think he might’ve taken some organ damage or he could have some internal bleeding,” Doctor Sheppard sighed, and he showed Sam some papers, “We need you to sign a few forms and then we can continue to help your brother.” 

Sam nodded, tears just falling down his face by now. He quickly grabbed the clipboard and just looked for the areas to sign. In less than a minute he had handed the sheets back to Doctor Sheppard. 

“We’ll have to take some x-rays to see what we’ve missed, but right after that he’ll be in the surgery room,” Doctor Sheppard told Sam, “If we find anything else that needs surgery you’ll be the first to know. We’ll also come and find you once he’s in a room and stable.”

“How long will that be?” Sam asked, knowing how desperate he sounded.

“It could be two hours, or it could be twelve. We’ll get you when he’s ready,” Doctor Sheppard said. He was about to walk away, but he turned back around and looked at Sam. “Me and my team will do everything we can to save your brother. Good luck to you.”

Sam watched him walk away, but he just stood there. He was still processing everything Doctor Sheppard had said to him. 

Sam pulled out his phone, not even realizing what he was doing. He dialed an all too familiar number, and before he knew it a grumbly old voice was coming through the speaker. 

“Hey, Sam,” Bobby said, “You and Dean need some help finding whatever your hunting or do you just miss me?”   
“Dean is hurt, Bobby,” Sam muttered, his voice practicall shaking, “We’re in Cedar City Utah Hospital. Get here as fast as you can.”   
Sam was aware how blunt and straightforward he was being, but he needed someone else here right now. 


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Sam sat in the chair, his leg bouncing with nerves. 

He kept staring at the two sliding glass doors in front of him, waiting for Bobby to come walking through and to fix everything. He had already been waiting four hours for either Dean to come out of his surgery or for Bobby to show up. So far neither had actually happened.

He got up again and decided to take another walk, by now this was probably his thirteenth walk around the hospital. He still hadn’t gone into two areas though, the surgical wing and the emergency room. He was too scared to see Dean in either of the locations and he really thought if he saw his brother without Bobby there he might actually break down.

Sam mindlessly got into the elevator and pressed the button for the sixth floor, it would lead him to the surgery recovery rooms which was practically a bunch of elderly people who had gotten transplants. Sam knew he wasn’t going to see Dean here yet, since the doctor told him they would get Sam right after the surgery was done. 

Sam still hadn’t processed everything that had happened to his brother. He had no idea who could do this to someone, and he couldn’t think of anyone they knew that would ever want to attack Dean this harshly. Sam had no idea what he was going to do once Dean woke up. 

He still couldn’t think of his strong big brother being this broken. The image of Dean’s hurt and small body sent a pain through Sam’s chest. His cocky and loveable brother had been abused and molested to a whole level Sam couldn’t even process. 

He couldn’t think of anything to say when he finally saw Dean conscious after his surgery. He knows Dean isn’t going to want to talk about it, but he’s going to have to. Dean never likes to talk about anything that bothers him, and he especially hates talking about his pain to anyone, even Sam. Sam knew this too. 

Sam looked to his right to see an old lady laughing with a man that looked about Sam’s age. Sam assumed it was her grandson, and Sam felt a small surge of joy after seeing that. In seconds it was demolished, and he kept on walking. He stared at the names written on the whiteboard on each door as he walked, but he suddenly froze when he saw Winchester written on one of the whiteboards. 

He stared at the two names he knew all too well. Dean Winchester. Sam just stared, feeling tears in his eyes start to form. His brother was going to feel so destroyed and small after being thrown into some hospital room. Sam knew how much his brother hated being the patient, and Dean was really going to hate this. 

He was still wondering how he was going to talk to Dean about what happened to him. Sam knew that if it were himself in this situation the last person he would want to talk to is Dean, but he also knows that Dean would be the only one he would want to talk to. Dean wasn’t going to open up to him though. He never even wanted to talk about Dad with Sam anymore. 

Sam felt his heart race. How could he be so stupid? He called Bobby before his own father? He began to pull out his phone, praying that his father would answer just this once. As he started to dial he slowly stopped, realizing how hurt and pitiful Dean would feel if their Dad was here. 

Sam put his phone back into his pocket, feeling oddly nauseous. He walked away from Dean’s soon to be room, not sure how to feel at the moment. 

At one point they were going to have to tell their father. No matter how uneasy Dean got around him, they had to tell him soon. Sam decided that was a fight that could wait for a little bit.

Sam felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he grabbed it, feeling it catch on his jeans pocket. He looked down to see the name on the screen. It was Bobby. 

Sam stepped into the empty elevator, answering the call. 

“Where are you? I’m at the front and I don’t see either one of you, or the damn car,” Bobby complained into the phone. 

“I’m coming downstairs now,” Sam said, staring at the elevator floors. Sam hadn’t told Bobby much, besides the fact that Dean was hurt pretty badly. Sam planned on letting Bobby read the file, since Sam wasn’t sure he was going to be able to say everything he heard without breaking down. A part of him also told him he couldn’t just make Bobby read it. 

Sam watched as the elevator doors opened up, forcing him to stare into the mainly empty lobby. His eyes fell upon Bobby and he lifted his feet forward, feeling like thousands of chains were holding back from walking out of the elevator. 

Sam walked towards the dull lobby, and he felt his heart slowly stop as Bobby turned around and locked eyes with Sam.

Sam couldn’t help it. He knew how his eyes were already turning red and how he had tears brimming at the edges. Sam walked faster now, needing to hug this man. 

“Bobby, he’s hurt bad. I’ve never seen him so,” Bobby cut Sam off, bringing him down into a comforting hug. Sam let tears stream down his face as he clutched onto Bobby. 

“It’s okay, son, he’ll be okay,” Bobby muttered, as he patted Sam on the back. After a few moments Sam regained his constraint and wiped the wetness of his face. 

Sam pulled away, finally looking at Bobby face to face. “Sorry, I’m just a little freaked out right now.” 

“It’s alright,” Bobby said, leading Sam to sit down, “Now what happened to Dean?”   
Sam sat beside Bobby, staring at his feet not even sure how to start. How was he supposed to tell Bobby that his favorite had gotten raped and was nearly beaten to death?

“Dean was at a bar, trying to get some intel, and someone attacked him,” Sam started, feeling a lump grow in his throat, “It wasn’t a demon, since they would have hurt him differently.”

Sam watched how quickly Bobby became unsettled with that piece of information. It was weird to think of someone attacking them that wasn’t something supernatural. 

“They think he was beaten with something like a hammer on his back,” Sam said, his voice growing thick, “His back is covered in a dozen or two cuts, and all of him is bruised. He was kicked or punched pretty good since they said something’s up with his shoulder, and that his ribs might’ve hurt some organs. He was also shot in the knee. He’s in surgery for his knee, and possible organ damage right now. They’re gonna take x-rays later too.”

Sam knew he was rambling all too fast for Bobby, but he couldn’t stop now.

“His chest was all pink and looked like it was burnt but they said it was concrete burn. And they said that was from the repeated motion of being dragged against it,” Sam felt his heart dive into his throat, knowing what he was going to have to say next was going to change everything. “He was raped.”

Sam could feel the tension in the air as those words slowly creeped their way into Bobby’s conscience. He looked over to Bobby, seeing the complete shock and fear set into this beloved man’s face.

“What did he say to you?” Bobby finally asked, breaking the silence.

“He lied and told me that he had just gotten in a bar fight, and then he passed out,” Sam said, recalling the previous events. Those minutes when he had picked Dean up off of the bar alley had felt like a whole day ago by now. 

“Of course he did,” Bobby muttered, Sam watched as he took a deep breath, “How bad was it?”

“They couldn’t see everything yet, but they said it was bad enough that it cut him up, and he it’ll hurt him to walk for quite a while,” Sam explained. He realized that he was now saying the words it made them sink in more than they had before. Everything that had actually happened to his brother was starting to really settle into him. 

“Jesus Christ,” Bobby mumbled, barely audible for Sam’s ears to process.

“Bobby, he’s not going to accept what happened to him,” Sam admitted, “He won’t let himself deal with it like he should. He’ll try to get out of this hospital in two days and act like nothing even happened.”

“I know,” Bobby shook his head, finally facing Sam. “We’re gonna have to make him realize how badly he was hurt. I love the kid, but he can be quite stubborn sometimes.”   
“How much longer until we can see him?” Bobby asked.

“I’ve already waited four hours, and his doctor said it could take up to twelve if they find anything too extreme. They’re gonna have to take some x-rays after to see if any of his ribs were hurt or something like that I’m guessing.”

Bobby nodded, understanding just how intense this attack was. Sam looked over at Bobby, and he felt a weird sense of hopelessness as he watched tears fall from Bobby’s eyes. 

“How are we gonna save him, Sam?” Bobby quietly asked. Sam just slowly shook his head, not even sure how to respond. Dean was either going to bounce back like nothing had even happened, or he was going to fall into a dark pit. And Sam had no idea what to do with either outcome. 


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

“Winchester!” A doctor called out into the practically empty waiting room. Sam stood up in a second and nudged Bobby awake. They had waited another two hours, which had only made Sam’s anxiousness increase. 

Sam watched Bobby slowly get up, rubbing his eyes awake. Sam walked over to the doctor with Bobby sleepily trailing behind him.

“Is he okay?” Sam immediately asked, recognizing Dr. Sheppard. 

“Yes, he ended up having more problems once we ran some ultrasounds and x-rays. And once we opened him up we saw another problem that had been mistaken,” Dr. Sheppard started to explain, “We safely removed the bullet, and he was surprisingly fortunate with where it landed. After six months his knee will be perfectly normal again, he may have a small limp but it will eventually fade away. When we took the ultrasound we saw something wrong with his lungs and ribs. He has two broken ribs which caused him to get a pulmonary confusion, in simple terms it’s bruised lungs. The broken ribs penetrated the lungs causing fluid to rush in. We had to drain his lungs, and he’ll be on an oxygen defibrillator for a little while, but both of those injuries will heal after a while. His skull also took one serious blow to it, causing his skull to fracture. We had to stitch it back together and he has to have a supply of blood going into him right now. Lastly, his rectum was bleeding and was completely torn at the end. It was practically destroyed. The ripped tissue I had told you about before only made his entire anus more of a problem.” 

“He’ll be okay though?” Sam asked, not able to erase the image of his brother crumpled up in his arms.

“Physically he will be, mentally he will struggle due to what he went through and due to his injuries being a reminder of what happened,” Doctor Sheppard responded.

“How long will all this take to heal?” Bobby asked.

“His knee will take six months. His skull will take two weeks. His chest and back are like any normal cuts, they just need time. His back will leave serious scarring though. And his lungs will take a week on defibrillator at most, that’s only if complications arise. His anus in a whole could take up to two months to heal completely.”

Sam shook his head in anger and sorrow. Dean was going to be in pain for so long. Emotionally he was going to be destroyed, but now his injuries are going to take months to heal. 

Sam thought back to when he first found Dean. He had acted like nothing had happened. All he let Sam know was that his shoulder and knee were messed up. He didn’t even say anything about getting beaten or raped. Sadly, Sam could understand why Dean said nothing about getting raped. Dean never would’ve told Sam what really happened if they had never gone to the hospital. 

Sam just couldn’t understand why Dean lied about how bad he was hurt. Dean always tried to tell Sam it wasn’t as bad as it looked, but he never lied about all of his injuries. He wasn’t stupid. Sam knew Dean wouldn’t tell him if he had gotten raped, but it annoyed him that he lied about his other injuries.

“Uh,” Sam cleared his throat, trying to focus on how Dean was right this second, “Can we see him yet?”

“He was on some pretty have anesthesia, so he’ll be awake in about an hour,” Dr. Sheppard answered, “But you can go wait in his room. His room number is 238.”

Sam nodded as Dr. Sheppard walked away. Sam looked over to Bobby, not sure what to do. 

Bobby took Sam into a one arm hug, and everything in Sam told him to sob into Bobby’s embrace but he somehow he held it all back. 

“He’s going to be okay,” Bobby mumbled to Sam. 

Sam pulled away, and he decided not to answer. 

“Let’s go wait in his room, he’ll be a little weirded out when he wakes up,” Sam said, swallowing the lump in his throat. It was already going to be hard enough to see his big brother practically helpless. 

Bobby nodded and they walked away from the lobby. Sam’s heart began to pound from the sudden realization crashing down on him. He had no idea how he was going to this. Now that the time was dawning on him he was going to have to face the problem in front of him. 

Sam walked mindlessly behind Bobby and almost bumped into him when Bobby stopped in front of the elevators. Sam looked at the sign beside the elevator and scanned over all of the units and departments of the hospital until he landed on the one Dean was in. Dean was in the Intensive Care Unit. Sam felt his heart sink all the way to the floor. They could be here for longer than he hoped if Dean was in the ICU. Or Dr. Sheppard could have been lying about how hurt Dean actually was.

Sam was brought back from his thoughts when the elevator dinged for them to get on. Sam realized he needed to stop overanalyzing right now and just be there for Dean. Dr. Sheppard wouldn’t have lied about Dean’s condition. It’s the man’s job to be honest and tell families what’s happened to their loved ones. 

Sam always felt weird whenever he had to go to a hospital. It made him remember that he was a normal person that had people he loved. Just like every other person here praying and waiting for their friends, siblings, or spouses to be okay. Not many other people were here since their brother was violently raped and attacked. 

Sam watched the doors slowly open and part the way for him and Bobby. Sam felt as if he was walking out of his body. He knew he should be feeling angry or sad but something in him made him feel practically empty. 

Sam slowly dragged himself behind Bobby. Sam could feel the uneasy eagerness in Bobby’s steps, but Sam felt as if he was seeing the whole world through a mirror. 

Sam stopped walking, “I can’t. I can’t go see him.”

“Sam.”

“No, I can’t do this. He’s never going to, he’s never going to accept it! If I can’t how do we expect him to be able to do it? He’s not only going to hurt but he’s going to be killing himself. He’s not gonna even talk to me.”

“C’mon, Sam,” Bobby encouraged, “Now is not the time to give out on me.”

“Bobby!” Sam snapped loudly, “How the fuck do you not see how bad this is? Whoever did this to him wanted to fuck him up! I can’t fix him, I can’t fix him this time! I don’t know what to do!”

“Imagine if you were in his place. You would say you wouldn’t want Dean in the same room as you, but in reality it would be the only thing keeping you sane. He might not want you right now, but later on he’ll thank you for not leaving him alone.”

Sam took a deep breath and looked past Bobby, staring at the doors leading to Dean.

Sam was aware of the fact that he was not okay, but it was not his turn to be the victim here. He had a tortured and raped brother waiting for him just a few doors away. 

Sam turned away from Bobby and started to look for the room Dean was in. 

Room 235. 

Room 236. 

Room 237. 

Room 238. 

Sam stopped right in front of the plain brown door. The door looked so plain, so boring. It almost was trying to reassure the person entering that everything within in okay. That it’s all ordinary. 

Sam’s hand raised forwards and opened the door. He walked in, his eyes landing right on the bed in the middle of the snow white room.

Sam let out an oddly stuttered breath as he examined Dean’s body. 

“Oh, Dean,” Sam heard Bobby sigh as he walked past Sam and went right beside the bed. 

Sam slowly walked, not even sure what to focus on. On all of the machines beeping and glowing around his brother, which were all keeping him alive right now. 

Dean had a bandage around his head where a blood spot could be seen towards his left ear. His whole chest was bandaged, and Sam could only assume his back looked the exact same. He had black bruises going all up his arms and crawling onto his face. One side of his lip and cheek were swollen, and Sam knew it was from a harsh beating. His lips were a dark purple, and Sam didn’t even want to think of how they got that bruised. Sam looked down at Dean’s hands and saw the cuts surrounding his wrists, Sam thought it was from handcuffs Dean was most likely wearing.

Even though Dean was sleeping he looked as if he was wincing in pain. 

Sam had tears building up, and he was letting them fall. His brother was so beaten he looked as if he should be dead. He had oxygen being put into him and blood slowly flowing into him. Both from machines. Dean almost died. All cause some sick bastard decided to choose Dean.

Sam’s eyes raked back up Dean’s broken figure, and his gaze locked on the back of Dean’s neck. Sam felt disgust rise through his whole body as he stared at the bite mark on Dean. 

Tears streamed down his face, and he stepped away. He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. He mumbled to himself like it was a mantra, not even sure what he was saying. Sam quickly turned and went out the door, knowing he couldn’t be in that room any longer. 

Sam saw the white walls just blend into a mirage of pain in front of him as he sped down the hall. He felt his breath grow slow and felt the floor sway beneath him. 

He could sense a pressure pushing on his shoulders, and his eyes just glossed over in a frost. His body felt cold and released. 

He sunk down to the ground, his feet sliding across the slick floor.

Sam suddenly realized he was the exact opposite of everything he had been feeling. His breath was coming in quick pants and he didn’t feel cold at all. The sweat was sitting at his brows, dripping down his neck.

All he could see was the bite mark. Sam’s body was tingling and his breath was getting quicker. Sam was suffocating with every breath he took. He was holding back something in between a shout and a sob. His lungs were screaming for any bit of oxygen, and he was sobbing with the force of someone drowning. The worst part of the whole thing was his mind kept creating memories and horrible pictures of Dean. It was twisting the two different things into one perverted remembrance. 

Sam laid his head against the cold wall, trying to pace his breath back out. There was no way he was ever going to do this. There was someone walking out in the world that had put Dean through this. Sam couldn’t even think of any healthy way Dean would get through this. Dean is going to make it worse for himself and just want to forget about it. Dean will say to just let the guy go, probably say an excuse like the guy was drunk. But Sam won’t be able to do that. Sam won’t be able to ever think right knowing that the sick and corrupted man that did this to his big brother got away. Sam knew that.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Dean felt his eyes flutter open, but close after milliseconds of only seeing a painful blinding light. Dean tried to open his eyes again but the light was still too bright. He went to lift his arm up and block the light, but his body wouldn’t even let him do that. His whole body felt in a dull pain and extremely sore. 

He couldn’t remember where he was and why it was so bright right now. Nothing was coming to his confused mind. 

“Dean?” Sam asked with worry, “How do, uh, how do you feel?”

Dean didn’t respond, noticing how he had one of those oxygen things in his mouth. He now forced his eyes open and looked over to his left where Sam’s voice was coming from, but he was squinting to see his brother. His whole head pounded if he opened his eyes a bit too much.

“Bobby, can you turn the lights off?” Sam asked, “We’re in Cedar City Hospital.”

Dean took a moment to recollect his thoughts and out together the memories of the previous night. He was in the bar waiting for Sam, and that lady came up to him. As Dean lead himself through his memories everything came flying back at him the moment he pictured the alley in his head. The pain, the blood, the coldness, absolutely every detail.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, knowing Sam and Bobby had to know what happened now. He wanted to scream and cry in anger but he was too weak to even move. 

“Dean,” Sam gently said, resting his hand on Dean’s arm. 

“No, please,” Dean mumbled, trying to stop Sam from touching him. It was hard for him to try and speak through the oxygen mask, but Sam got the message Dean was saying. 

He didn’t want comfort. There was no reason for Bobby and Sam to be here. He was fine. He was going to be out of here in a day. He didn’t want them to look at him like he was pathetic and weak. Dean already knew that about himself now, and he didn’t need Sam knowing it too.

It’s probably all Sam thought now, just how weak his big brother actually is. 

Sam moved his hand, feeling hurt but he didn’t think much on it. He knew Dean was going to struggle with this so he was going to have to try and not take anything too personally. 

Dean tried moving over a bit to see if there was anything beside him to drink, but his whole entire body flared up and froze in protest, especially his back. Dean let out a hurt wince as his back clenched up which only made it feel even worse. 

“Do you need something?” Sam asked, and Dean finally met his brothers eyes. He saw the worry in his brothers face, and Dean also thought he saw disappointment. He didn’t think he saw it he knew he did. 

Dean saw tears building up in Sam’s eyes, which completely threw him off. Dean was sure that Sam was looking at him as if he was a pathetic child that couldn’t care for themselves. Since that exactly what he was. But now Sam was crying for Dean. 

“Bobby, can you get the doctor in here?” Sam asked, not taking his eyes off of Dean. 

Dean closed his eyes, not knowing what to do. Everything hurt him right now. Talking, looking, moving, and breathing. 

“He might be a little over pressured if we bring the doctor in,” Bobby said. 

“He needs to know his injuries, and he might need more pain meds or oxygen or something,” Sam reasoned. Bobby gave in and left, leaving Sam and Dean alone.

Dean looked back over to Sam, feeling utterly helpless.

“What did I do?” Dean asked Sam, hoping he would understand what he said through his broken voice and the mask. 

Sam stared at his brother, not even sure what the question meant. Sam took a shot and tried to comfort Dean, “Nothing, Dean. You didn’t do anything to get here. None of this is your fault. And you might want to think of it in that way, but it’s not even close to the real answer.”

Dean just nodded, not completely satisfied with the answer. He wasn’t even sure with what he was asking, but that wasn’t the answer he was searching for. 

All Dean wanted to be was far away from this town and hospital, but he wanted to be even farther away from Sam. He was barely getting through being with him right now. He didn’t want to feel as if he needs to protect Dean now. He was fine. He didn’t need his little brother to constantly watching him like he was some broken puppy. 

“Dean, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but we’re gonna get through this. What that man did to yo-” Sam began but Dean quickly stopped him.

“Sam, please,” Dean croaked, looking over at his brother for only a few seconds. Sam understood what Dean was asking for in seconds, and Dean eventually turned his head away to look out the window. 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said quietly, not liking the silence that was now filling the room. 

Before Dean had time to respond, Dr. Sheppard came into the room. “Hello, Dean. I’m Dr. Sheppard.”

Dean glanced over at him, not ready to listen to what this man had to say to him while his brother sat beside him. 

“Sam, if you could please let me and your brother be alone for a few moments,” Dr. Sheppard asked politely. Sam knew Dean didn’t want him there so he walked out of the room, meeting Bobby outside. 

“You suffered a lot of injuries during your attack Mr. Corderio,” He began to say. Dean took a notice to the name he was using so he wouldn’t slip out the wrong one by any chance. “I also know that the last place you want to be is in this hospital. You’re injuries were sufficient enough that if your brother had found you within the next five minutes like he did you could’ve died. Or been had life long effects.”   
“Is my knee going to be fine?” Dean quickly interjected as Dr. Sheppard took a pause. He was surprised the man knew what he was saying through the mask. He didn’t want to hear his whole list of injuries, he didn’t want to have to face what had happened yet. 

“Fortunately, we saved your leg. It’s going to take a while to heal, it can take up to six months for it to completely heal. You’ll walk with a limp for quite a bit, but eventually it’ll die down to a small hiccup in your walk.”

Dean nodded, watching as Dr. Sheppard got closer to him.

“I’m going to give you a smaller supply of oxygen now that you’re awake, and so you can talk a bit better, “ He said, “You’re wearing one of these now because you have pulmonary confusion, which is a fancy way of saying bruised lungs. You either got hit with an object with extreme force or one of your ribs could have penetrated it when it was broken.”

Dean watched as the man removed the mask from Dean’s face and replaced it with one of the oxygen tubes through the nose. 

“You’re head is probably killing you, which is from the concussion you sustained. You also underwent a surgery since you had a skull fracture when you were brought in.”

“Your chest has some sort of concrete rash or burn on it, so everyday we’re going to have to lotion it so it doesn’t get infected. And your back is bandaged up and we’ll monitor it just to make sure it doesn’t get any worse than it already is.” 

Dean fell back into memories, hearing the cold pistol split his flesh and the echoes of his broken pleas against the alley wall. It felt as if Dean could still smell the foul stench of the alley way as he layed in this clean hospital bed. 

“Thank you,” Dean mumbled, not looking at Dr. Sheppard anymore. He knew what was left to say, and not even a small part of him wanted to hear it. 

“As you can you have quite a few bruises and cute but those are the least of our worries right now,” Dr. Sheppard took a breath and let his shoulders loosen up a bit. “You were raped, Dean. You might not want to face it right now, but sooner or later what happened to you will catch up to you.” 

He took a moment, and in those few seconds Dean knew that Dr. Sheppard could read Dean far better than he had given the man credit for. He was going to give it to Dean simply. He knew that’s what Dean needed. 

“Your anus was destroyed. You had lacerations covering it, which are cuts and can sometimes cause excessive bleeding. Your rectum was also hit severely that it tore, and the tissue that had ripped had made that problem worse,” Dr. Sheppard said. 

Dean could feel tears burning through his eyes and screaming at him to let them fall. Dean couldn’t do it though. He wouldn’t let himself cry. He should be thankful he’s alive. Thankful it happened to himself and not some innocent person. 

“It’ll take you a while to walk normally so when we get you to start practicing you need to tell them if something hurts since the stitches could’ve ripped open.”

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath. 

“I’m going to let your brother back in now if that’s okay,” He asked. 

“Can you give me something to help me sleep? Or knock me out for a while?” Dean said in a low whisper. 

“I can have a nurse here in ten minutes to give you something,” He said, giving Dean a very subtle smile. 

Dean nodded as a thank you and looked back outside the window. 

Dean didn’t want to have to be awake at the moment. He knew Sam was going to try and be all supportive. All Dean wanted was to forget everything that had happened to him. He didn’t want to remember the feeling of the men’s filthy hands climbing all over his body. He didn’t want to close his eyes and see his blood on the cement and the slight shadow of the men abusing him. He didn’t want to hear “Tie his hands down first” everytime he glanced down at his bruised wrists. Or hear “What a beautiful ass” everytime he felt a slight twinge of pain from where they brutally raped him. 

Sam was the least of his worries right now. He felt like a failure when Sam looked at his broken body. Dean already felt shattered of everything, and Sam staring at him like he was a little child was not helping. He didn’t even have a clue on how to act with Bobby. 

One thing he was sure of, that if his father showed up Dean had no idea what he was going to do. All he really knew that was going to happen was that seeing father would shun Dean farther into his mind than he really needed. Sam was going to think that their father would be able to help Dean, but Dean knows he doesn’t need that. He needs Sam. He just needs to time to accept what had happened. But Sam didn’t know that. 


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

“Can’t you give him a few hours to rest?” Sam snapped at the two police officers standing in front of him. “He’s been through a lot lately in the last twelve hours, and you can’t even give him just a full two hours of sleep?”

“If we wait too long his attacker could get too far away for us to be able to catch him,” One policer officer asked. Sam glanced over to Bobby who was asleep in a chair that was in a lobby only a few rooms away from Dean’s. The drive was a lot for the old man, and Sam was probably going to ask him to head home soon. 

“It’s been twelve hours, the man is probably already pretty far away,” Sam said, knowing no matter how far away this guy was he was going to kill him himself.

“Well, for a place like this there’s not very far the man could’ve gone,” One of the cops said.

“He’s not even going to talk you,” Sam pointed out. He was trying to keep them away from Dean. He wanted to avoid anything that could trigger his brother into a freakout, and he wanted to keep Dean as comfortable as possible. 

“That’s what most people say,” The tall black man pointed out. Sam knew Dean was different from most people and he wasn’t going to tell them anything. Or if he was it wasn’t going to be very helpful. 

“Let me see some ID,” Sam sighed, even though he was pretty confident these men were real police. He scanned their ID’s and didn’t notice anything different that he was looking for. 

“He just had a lot of painkillers pumped into him, so he’s going to be a little out of it,” Sam explained, opening his brothers door. “He’s also in worse shape than you might be expecting.”

“We won’t push him,” Officer Jameson said, Sam took notice of their names just in case he needed to know them. His partner, the white man, was Officer Brookes. 

“Dean?” Sam gently said as he approached Dean with the police officers trailing behind him. He hated everything about this. He wanted to be able to allow his brother to just get some rest and not have to deal with dozens of questions from total strangers about the previous night. 

Sam shook his brother’s arm lightly, trying to very carefully wake Dean. 

He watched as his brother twitched away and his eyes slowly blinked awake. 

Sam looked over to the officers and saw how shocked they were by Dean’s condition. In a small town stuff this extreme is probably rarely seen. Sam was even a little shocked. In the past two hours Sam had gone back to the motel and grabbed some clothes and a bit more money. Dean already looked paler than before and the bags under his eyes looked almost black as coal now. 

“Mr. Corderio?” Officer Brookes asked. Dean looked over at them and Sam watched the slight annoyance, but more panic, flood into his brother’s eyes. “We’re here to talk about what happened to you last night.”

Sam caught the little worried glance Dean shot towards him, but he quickly covered it up as he looked back to the cops. 

“Okay,” Dean said warily. Sam was surprised that his brother didn’t make some remark saying how there was nothing to say, but instead he obliged. 

“Do you know who your offender is?” Jameson asked, sitting down in a chair to the left of the bed. Sam stood away, but he still stood in the room, making sure his brother remained relatively comfortable in this situation. 

“One man was named Joey, the other Billy,” Dean said without hesitation, and Sam felt his heart lurch forwards. There were two men. He probably went through so much more than he originally thought with two men passing him around. Sam felt sick as images of his brother stuck in that position made their way through his head. 

“Did you get a clear look at them?” 

“Billy was a little short and stocky. That’s about it,” Dean said, now looking away from the officers. He hated the fact that Sam was standing in the back of the room and hearing everything he said. He didn’t really know what to say to these men either. He was not comfortable with having to talk about it yet. These questions were easy enough but they were building up to something bigger. 

“Did they talk to you beforehand?”

“No, I,” Dean paused, not wanting to admit that some girl had tricked him. “I didn’t recognize them.”

“Did they drug you to get you outside?” Brookes questioned. 

Dean took a deep breath and felt his lungs cry as he stretched them too far. “There was a girl. She led me outside.”

Dean could tell it was a bit of a vague answer, but he didn’t even really remember much before it all happened. He watched as the cops debated to ask another question but then Jameson leaned forward in his chair, looking Dean in the eyes. 

“What we’re about to ask may be a little triggering, so you don’t have to answer it, but it could help us greatly if you did,” Jameson began, “Did you see any of the weapons or objects they used on you.”

Dean took a moment, and he tried to think back, but at the time he didn’t think to look at what kind of pistol they were carrying. 

“Or any object they might’ve used,” Brookes added. 

Dean realized that none of them knew he was whipped with a pistol, they probably think he got the piss beaten out of him. Which he did. 

“Uh, they,” Dean took a breath, not liking this at all. He felt like all of this was happening so quickly. “A pistol.”

They policemen nodded, and Dean watched as Brookes muttered and shook his head in anger. Jameson looked over as his partner and then realized what Dean meant by a pistol. They didn’t only use it for the bullet. 

“How were your lips bruised Dean?” Jameson quietly asked.

Sam felt anger surge through him as the man spoke those words. What made him think he could ask Dean that? Sam already felt as if he should puke from hearing what his brother said. He thought they had maybe hit Dean with a shoe, which would’ve been degrading in a humiliating sense, but Sam was wrong. While he was sitting in the motel watching TV, his brother was getting whipped with a pistol. 

Sam looked back at his brother and saw how his eyes had glossed over as he stared at the white porcelain like floor. 

“Dean, you don’t have to answer that question,” Sam interjected, and he watched as the cops turned around and shot him a bit of an annoyed glare. He understood why they were annoyed, they needed as much information to try and connect Dean’s attackers to any others that are unknown still. 

Dean wasn’t paying attention right now. He flashed back to being shoved against the pavement, his chest tearing with each thrust. The terrible fire like pain traveling through him as he was being mercilessly penetrated. The awful citric foul taste of his own vomit soaking into the sweaty sock. 

“They, uh, they uh, they put a sock,” Dean took a shaky breath, feeling tears building up. He didn’t know why he was crying, but he was for some reason. It’s not like it was happening again. He was just explaining what had happened so these bastards could go to jail. It was pathetic to be crying over a sock in his damn mouth. He had worse things stuffed in there by monsters he had hunted, and the sock wasn’t even the worst part of last night. “They put a sock in my mouth. So no one would hear me.” 

Dean wanted to wipe the tears off of his face, but he couldn’t even move cause of all his injuries.

“Thank you, Dean,” Brookes said, “Now you don’t have to tell us everything, but can you tell us how some of that night went down?”

Dean felt his muscles tense. He didn’t like how Sam was in here at all. He was already some sad victim getting too much attention, and now Sam had to hear everything that happened. 

“Once they had me in the alley, they threatened to shoot me if I didn’t get on the ground. I didn’t. So they shot. They handcuffed my hands behind my back, and they cut me up and beat me for a bit. Then one of them,” Dean winced, remembering the anxiety flooding through him as Joey had a foot pressed onto his back. How he then put his body on Dean’s legs, preparing him for the worst beating of his life. “Then the pistol came in.”

Dean glanced over at the police officers not wanting to say anything else. He had said his limit. He was aware of the fact that he had just basically resaid everything but he wasn’t about to openly talk about his rape. All he wanted to do was leave this town and forget it ever happened. But it seemed impossible. He didn’t want to tell these men how he had had a foot pressed down on his back to keep him from struggling. How one of them sat on his legs as he brutally brought the pistol down. How they had called that foreplay after he had begged them to stop. The feeling of them tugging his pants down, exposing himself. Joey kissing and biting his neck. The blood dripping down his thighs as the men violated him in the most inhuman way possible. 

“They, also knew my name.” Dean blurted out, not sure why. He immediately heard their sick voices saying his name and calling him a slut. Their voices saying how Dean was a dirty little slut and was made for a cock in him. 

Dean blinked back tears as it all became suddenly vivid in his mind. 

“I think he’s done now,” Sam said, quiet enough so Dean wouldn’t hear him but the cops would.

The cops stood up looked at Sam, Jameson said, “Sir, I think we can handle it.”   
“Get out,” Sam said a bit more demanding as he looked over their shoulders to see Dean’s face contorted into a pained cry. Dean had been forced to think about too much. Sam should’ve known to not allow them to come and talk to him. 

The cops still didn’t move and Sam took a step forward, and he stood a solid four or five inches above each of them. “I swear if you don’t get out right now.” Sam threatened with a low growl in his voice. He watched the police leave the room and shut the door behind them. 

Sam knew the men didn’t do anything that bad, he was just full of a lot of anger at the moment and they had annoyed him so he had let it out on him. 

“Dean,” Sam soothingly said. 

“No, stop, please, don’t, no, no,” Dean mumbled, only one tear falling down his left cheek. It stopped once it hit one of his cuts sitting right below his cheekbone. 

“Dean,” Sam tried again.

“Stop saying that!” Dean cried. 

Sam was confused by what Dean meant. He had a good feeling Dean was having some sort of panic attack right now. “Dean, tell me what’s wrong.”   
“Stop, please,” Dean whimpered.

Sam looked at his brother in astonishment. His brother was never one to beg for someone to do something. Sam was about to say something, but then it finally hit him what Dean wanted. He didn’t want to hear his own name. He had just said how those bastards knew his name, and he was probably falling into the dark hole of his own mind now. Sam had no idea how he was going to handle this. His brother didn’t even want to hear his own name. His big brother that was never hurt and always knew what to do was so hurt that his own name now scared him. 

Sam looked at Dean, and watched as his brother winced in pain as he moved forwards in attempt to curl up a bit. He couldn’t even recognize Dean in this moment. His brother never would do this. Or never would’ve. Not until two sick men destroyed him. 

“You can’t move, I’m sorry, man,” Sam said, moving his hand towards Dean. He quickly stopped, deciding that probably wasn’t the best idea. Touching Dean was probably one of the worst things that Sam could do to his brother now. Sam knew that his brother most likely felt sick with himself, and he knew Dean hated himself right now. Or hated himself more than he had previously.

“No, they’re gonna come back. They got me. I did this,” Dean mumbled, tears now streaming down his face. Sam wasn’t even sure he recognized his brother right now. This is something Dean would never do. He would never have a panic attack. But here he was. Sam knew why. Neither of them had ever gone through something this messed up. Sam had no idea what Dean was talking about either, Sam could recognize how his brother believed it was his own fault that caused this to happen. And that was the exact opposite of the real reason. 

Sam heard as Dean’s breath grew strained and far too quick for Dean’s hurt body. 

“Nurse!” Sam called out, not sure what to do. He was freeing up, and he knew this is the exact opposite of what he needed to do. When they left the hospital it was only going to be Sam and Dean left to figure this all out. 

Dean let out a weird hiccup as he kept mumbling things to himself in between cries. “It’s my fault. No, no, no. Dad’s gonna kill me. I, I, they, they’re coming back.”

Sam clenched his jaw down as he caught Dean say something about their father. Their dad wasn’t even aware of what had happened yet and Dean was already scared. Even though the man in front of him wasn’t really his brother, Sam knew that was something Dean would believe. 

Nurses came into the room and Sam quickly moved aside. He knew Dean needed him right now, but his body couldn’t handle the attack he was having at the moment. 

Sam shook his head, not able to focus on anything. He walked out of the room, and took a turn away from where the police officers were now talking to Bobby. 

Sam pulled out his phone as he pushed the doors to the stairway. He knew who he needed to call, whether or not he wanted to. Dean needed it right now. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI!!! I'm really sorry I didn't post on Wednesday. I've just been really busy and I didn't like my first idea for this chapter, but I finally got it. Once again, sorry for the late post, but I hope you enjoy!

**CHAPTER NINE**

“You did what?” Bobby nearly shouted at Sam.

Even though he was being scolded like a child in the middle of the lobby he still held his head high.

“That was the last thing you should’ve done! What the hell is wrong with you boy?” Bobby said angrily. “All he needs right now is you. Telling your damn father that Dean is hurt worse than he’s ever been is not what Dean really needs. The sad thing about it is your sorry ass knows that.”

“So I just leave my brother to figure this out on his own? I don’t know what to do and it’s not like you’ve been giving any fucking ideas either. I am lost here, Bobby. I normally know how to fix it, but this is new. The most I’ve ever had to help him with is a broken leg or a nasty cut. Or when we lose a close friend due to this fucking job,” Sam ranted, glaring at Bobby. He wasn’t really angry at the man in front of him, but Bobby was there for him to release it to.

“You really trying to blame this on hunting?”   
“Yes! You think Dean just happened to get raped by some random guys! It had to be someone or something we know. Or someone that Dad pissed off,” Sam declared, and he knew he was right. 

“God dammit, Sam!” Bobby exclaimed, and now Sam felt a little scared for what he just did. He had been thinking about this the entire time but didn’t want to say it. Now that it was out he regretted saying it all. “Stop trying to blame everything on your dad! He hasn’t done anything at all and all you do is bitch about how everything that ever goes wrong has to be his fault.”

Bobby started to storm off, leaving Sam to stand alone in the lobby. Bobby soon stopped and quickly turned around, he could feel his temper rising. 

“Your brother is a good man, Sam. And, he,” Bobby calmly said as he took a deep breath and looked Sam in the eyes. “This is one of those moments where all we can say is, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Sam still couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to. He wouldn’t believe it. If his brother was going to go through this terrible thing he wanted there to be some reason. Even if it was some pissed off demon. He didn’t want the reason to be two drunk sadists just picking his brother for kicks. 

Sam wanted to yell at Bobby, scold him for acting like this was the end. That there was nothing they could do. Sam was going to help Dean no matter what. 

A part of him knew that calling their father was not the best decision, but he also didn’t tell their father what had exactly happened to Dean. He only let him know that Dean has never been hurt as badly before. 

Even though Sam had called the man, every part of his body was wishing that their father wouldn’t show up. 

-

Sam slowly walked back into Dean’s room, not sure if his brother was going to be awake or still unconscious. Sam knocked on the door and he watched as Dean’s eyes slowly flitted over to Sam. 

“Hey,” Sam quietly said, sitting in the chair next to Dean’s bed. 

“I’m sorry,” Dean mumbled, not looking Sam in the eyes.

Sam was about to tell him he has no reason to be sorry, but he knew Dean wouldn’t believe it. He needed to word it properly if he was going to say something like that. 

“It’s really my fault, Dean. You’ve got nothing to worry about,” Sam said. He didn’t just mean that Dean didn’t have to worry about what he did, he wouldn’t have to worry about those men coming to get him.

“I,” Sam paused for a second, debating if he should tell Dean that he called their father. 

“You don’t need to say anything,” Dean said, “I’m just on edge here. I’m ready to go.”

Even though Sam didn’t like what his brother was saying he felt far more comfortable than before. This actually sounded like his brother. At the same time it also made him worry, since his brother tended to cover up his pain and pretend nothing ever actually happened. 

“Well, whether you like it or not you’re stuck here for a bit,” Sam sighed, leaning back into his chair. “You had surgery on your brain. You can’t just up and leave like you normally do.”

Dean let a small smile show on his face, and he finally made eye contact with Sam. “Why did you call Bobby?”   
Sam sat confused, not sure how to respond to that. He doesn’t really know why he called Bobby. He was scared and confused when he first heard what had happened to Dean. 

“I don’t really know. I was scared and confused. I didn’t know what to do,” Sam said, looking at Dean with a bit of shame in his face. 

“I don’t,” Dean stopped talking, and Sam felt his heart catch since he thought Dean was going to finally say something about how he was feeling. 

Dean looked ashamed and turned his gaze back towards the window. The light of the sun perfectly hitting Dean’s cheek showed the awful bruising that littered his brother’s face. 

“I can tell him to leave,” Sam took a shot at what Dean might’ve been thinking. 

Dean didn’t look at Sam, and chose to remain silent. 

“I know we can figure this out on our own, so once the doctor says your stable I’ll get you out of here. We’ll drive off and leave this damn town.”

“You really think Bobby’s gonna like that?” Dean questioned, his voice cracking halfway through. His voice had gotten better, but it still sounded rough and whiney. 

“Like I said, I can ask him to leave,” Sam shrugged, he knew Bobby wasn’t going to like that but no part of him even cared. 

Dean nodded, liking Sam’s plan even more. He didn’t want anyone else besides Sam right now. He just wanted to leave and go back to normal with Sam. He wanted to forget everything that had happened to him. 

“I got an idea,” Dean said, sitting up just a fraction. “Wanna see if they got some good food down in the cafe?”

Sam looked over to where Dean was, and his gaze landed on a pair of crutches and a wheelchair. Sam was about to ask if he was even allowed to leave, but he really didn’t care. His brother had something he wanted to do, and he was going to fulfill that. 

Sam got up and pushed his chair to the side and walked over to the wheelchair. He picked it up and unfolded it right beside Dean’s bed. He leaned over Dean to grab a pillow that was under Dean’s broken knee. Sam gently placed his hand under Dean’s knee and slipped the pillow out. He set the pillow on the seat of the wheelchair. 

Both Sam and Dean knew why Sam set the pillow on the chair, but neither of them were even going to make a comment on it. Dean wouldn’t admit it, but he was grateful that his brother had done that. 

“Alright, you ready?” Sam asked Dean as he positioned himself in a good position to get his brother into the chair. 

Dean pushed himself up with his good arm, and Sam quickly placed his own arm under Dean’s arms. They both pushed up and Sam winced in uncomfort as his brother let out a pained gasp. Sam got Dean to be standing up in front of the chair and was making sure his knee didn’t have any pressure on it. 

Sam was about to help Dean sit down but he stopped when he heard Dean’s heavy breath pounding against his neck. He noticed how Dean was slouching against Sam, putting all of his weight against Sam. 

“Dean?” Sam asked. He didn’t need his brother passing out on him. 

“Just give me,” Dean took an unsteady breath, “Just a second.” 

Sam didn’t argue and just made sure to focus all of his strength on keeping Dean in an okay position. After a minute or so passed Dean was ready to sit down onto the chair.

“Tell me if I’m hurting you,” Sam said as he tugged on his brothers arms and slowly leaned down to help Dean get to the chair. He quickly placed one of his arms under Dean’s knee, trying to make sure he didn’t put it on the ground for support. 

It took a little, but after a few minutes Sam had successfully gotten Dean into the wheelchair. Sam looked at Dean as he sat in the chair with his face all pinched up. The bruises and minor cuts were extremely prominent now that his whole face was in the light, and also his skin was creepily pale. 

It was too pale. 

Sam grabbed Dean’s IV and hooked it up to the side of the wheelchair so it could just travel with them. He couldn’t take it out of Dean. 

“Dean, you okay?” Sam gently asked, putting a hand on his brother’s forearm. As Sam waited for him to respond he grabbed the tank of oxygen that was hooked up to Dean’s nasal cannula. He placed it in the spot of the back of the wheelchair that had a clear label that told him to place the tank there. 

“I’m okay,” Dean sighed, finally opening his eyes. “That just hurt more than I thought it would.”   
Sam smiled lightly, knowing his brother was trying to lighten the mood. But it also made him want to scream and cry. His brother knew it was going to hurt a lot, and the fact that it was worse than what Dean thought made Sam’s heart crush. His brother had a pain tolerance that went off the charts, and this was one of the only times he had heard Dean actually admit to the pain he was feeling. 

Sam stood behind the wheelchair, placing his foot down on the hook keeping the wheels in place and he stepped down. He heard the satisfying click over Dean’s heavy breaths in the practically silent room. 

Sam pulled on the handles and wheeled Dean out of the room. He had a sudden fear that one of Dean’s nurses was going to stop them, but it’s not like he was really doing anything terribly wrong. He was taking his bored brother around the hospital. 

“Where to?” Sam asked, trying to make his voice have a bit of a cheerier tone to it. 

“To the cafe,” Dean said, and Sam watched as Dean’s head slightly turned to look into the other patients rooms as they walked by them. 

Sam assumed Dean must actually be pretty hungry to mention the cafe twice. It’s probably because the only thing he’s had is water being pumped into him for the last few hours. 

“Alright,” Sam nodded, even though Dean couldn’t see him. He felt in his jean pocket to see if he had any money, after patting himself down he could feel some cash in his pocket. 

Sam pushed Dean through the hall and towards where the elevator was. He pressed the button to go down and then pushed Dean into the elevator. He then pushed the cafe and lobby button leaving him and Dean to wait in silence.

Sam was conflicted on how to act at the moment. His brother was acting like he was okay, but Sam was still replaying what had happened a few hours ago. Dean had had a whole panic attack that made Sam feel like his brother was gone. A part of Sam knew Dean was never going to be the same after he recovered from this. 

Sam got pulled back from his thoughts when he heard the loud ding of the elevator. He quickly grabbed the handles tighter and pushed Dean towards the lobby. 

He noticed how silent the lobby was besides the talk of two men. Sam pushed Dean through, not wanting any of the people waiting to stare at Dean like he was some broken entertainment show. 

Sam saw the cafe sign ahead and just focused on getting there. He wasn’t sure why he was getting so defensive over people looking at Dean, but he really didn’t care. 

“Sam,” Dean said, with a tone that willed Sam to stop walking.

“What?” Sam asked concerned. 

Dean didn’t respond, forcing Sam to figure out what it was. He looked around wondering if it was a nurse or cop that had followed them down. But his eyes eventually landed on Bobby, and he soon realized Bobby was one of the two voices he had first heard. The second was a man wearing a long, brown, weathered leather jacket. Sam had regret flooding through him as he stared at this all to familiar man. It was the one and only John Winchester. 

Sam knew how much he messed up by doing calling their father. He was the last person Dean needed to see. Or even wanted to see. Sam had crossed a line this time. He had horribly assumed what Dean would want, and it couldn’t have been more wrong. 

If Dean didn’t even want to talk to Bobby why would he even want to look at their father. 

Sam knew that this was going to send Dean farther back. He was going to cover up his pain even worse than he was before now. And Sam was aware that it was all going to be his fault. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, UPDATE!!!!!  
I'm going to start posting on Mondays since I feel like it will just work better for me, but I hope you enjoy the chapter!

**CHAPTER TEN**

_ Dean slammed the door behind him to make sure the cold wind didn’t seep into their motel room. He glanced over to Sam to see him lying on the dingy floor, staring mindlessly into the TV. Dean took a notice to see that Sam was watching Roadracers, and he held back a laugh.  _

_ It humored Dean how hard Sam crushed on Salma Hayek. Dean thought he was stunning, but Sam practically drooled each time he saw her on TV.  _

_ Dean set the plastic bag with their dinner on the counter, starting to unbag what needed to go in the fridge. He had only gotten some milk, alfredo sauce, and some pasta. He knew their Dad was going to be home tonight from his hunt so he had a whole dinner planned for them.  _

_ Tonight was the day Dean turned sixteen. Sam was far more excited than Dean, but if Dean was being honest, he felt quite a bit of excitement on this birthday.  _

_ “Sam, you want a snack?” Dean asked, looking over his shoulder as he placed the pasta in the cabinet.  _

_ “I got you something,” Sam smiled as he stood up. He walked over to the kitchen and gave Dean a hug. _

_ “Happy birthday,” Sam said, pulling away. Dean lightly patted his head and grabbed a bag of chips for them to snack on. He opened up the fridge and grabbed the two Cokes he had bought yesterday just for him and Sam. _

_ “Let’s wait for Dad to get back for us to open the present,” Dean offered, but he kind of figured that Sam was going to give it to him anyways. _

_ Sam had already reached into his bag that was sitting in front of their shared bedroom and pulled out a bag wrapped present.  _

_ It had some gas station bags around it, but Dean didn’t care. Sam clearly looked excited about this. _

_ “Well don’t just look at it, open it!” Sam said eagerly. _

_ Dean quickly removed the bags and let out a laugh as he looked down at the magazine sitting in his friends. _

_ “How the hell did you get a Playboy?” Dean laughed as he lightly flipped through the pages. _

_ Sam shrugged with a small smirk on his face, “I left a buck in the tip jar.” _ _   
_ _ “You son of a bitch,” Dean shook his head and brought Sam in for a small hug.  _

_ “Can I look at it?” Sam asked with a bit of a sheepish tone. _

_ A part of Dean wanted to say no since Sam was only eleven, but Dean quickly gave in. He knew there was really no harm in letting Sam look at a few pictures of girls.  _

_ Dean reached over and grabbed the chips and cokes and handed Sam his own coke. They sat there for nearly ten minutes and just looked through the magazine. Dean had an awkward surge of affection for his brother at this moment, he assumed it was probably because he had just introduced Sam to a whole new world. It wasn’t a friend or their Dad that had showed Sam his first naughty magazine, it was Dean. Even if Sam had gotten it, Dean knew Sam wouldn’t have looked through it without asking Dean if he could.  _

_ They made a contest that they put the girls through after a few minutes. They started to say if they were pretty or really pretty. None of them had gotten either categories, most only made it to ‘she’s hot’.  _

_ “Wow, she’s pretty,” Sam mumbled as Dean flipped the page after a few minutes. Dean stopped and looked at the woman Sam was mentioning closer. Sam was right, the only word to use for her was pretty. She didn’t look nearly as aggressive or intense as the other women in the magazine.  _

_ Dean heard a jingle of keys on the door and he quickly shut the magazine. “We can look at it later, okay?” _ _   
_ _ Sam nodded and took the magazine back. Dean watched as he went and threw it on their bed but quickly turned his attention over to the now open door. _

_ “Hey Sam, Dean,” John greeted them.  _

_ “Hey,” They both responded, and Dean took a sip of his coke. Recently he had been feeling some annoyance with their father. He had been acting more bossy and was practically ignorant to his son's existence. Dean was also ready to see if their Dad would even remember that it was his birthday. _

_ “How did the hunt go?” Sam asked as he walked over to Dean and grabbed his drink. He grabbed the bag of chips and started to walk over to the couch. Dean reached over Sam and grabbed the chips from his brothers hands.  _

_ “You’ll get full,” Dean said only loud enough for Sam to hear.  _

_ “It went perfect, no one was hurt and I walked out with not even a scratch on me,” John slightly smiled, setting his bag of weapons onto the counter. He locked the door and began to take off his boots.  _

_ “That’s good,” Dean said, clenching his jaw down. He took another sip of his coke, trying to calm himself down. He had no idea why after all of these years their Dad was finally getting on his nerves, but he was already fed up with his own behavior. He knew he was just going to push down his own emotions like always. He was going to keep being a perfect son for their Dad.  _

_ Dean walked over to the couch and sat beside his brother and tried to figure out which movie Sam had found. He knew Salma Hayek was in it, but he also knew she had a lot of movies.  _

_ “What movie is this?” Dean said to Sam. _

_ “I don’t know,” Sam shrugged, putting his feet up on the coffee table. _ _   
_ _ “Dean, can you come in here?” Their dad asked, “I have a favor I need you to do.” _

_ - _

“What the hell is he doing here?” Dean asked, his jaw locked in a painful position. His whole body had tensed at the sight of their father, and it was only causing him more pain right now. 

“Dean, I’m sorry, I was scared and I don’t know what I was thinking,” Sam began to ramble, “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think he was going to even answer.”   
“Sam, please just get me away from him,” Dean said sternly. Sam immediately obliged and kept walking towards the cafe. 

“I didn’t tell him what happened,” Sam said almost as an offering to try and make it better. Sam continued to push Dean until they made it to a table in the cafe that was as far into the corner as Sam could get them.

“Dean, you okay?” Sam asked as he sat across from his brother. 

“I’m fine,” Dean sighed, his mind flashing back to his when Sam had given him that Playboy when they were kids. He lightly smiled thinking of them just looking at all of the women and commenting on if they thought the girls were pretty or just hot. 

“Dean, I know you’re not okay right now, but,” Sam took a moment and noticed how pale Dean looked compared to when he was in his bed. “But why don’t you want to talk to Bobby or Dad? I’m not trying to push you, but they’re going to look at you any different.”   
Dean scoffed at that and he decided to lock his eyes with Sam’s hurt ones, “Yes they will. You already do. Just cause I got beat up you’re treating me like a child. I can handle this.” 

“Dean, I know that. You’re strong. Stronger than anyone else I know,” Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. He was aware of how sappy Dean probably thought this was, but it was all Sam could say. “But I need to know why you don’t want to talk to them. Well, Dad I get, but Bobby is only here to help you.”   
“Why did you have to call him? Why did you have to call either of them?” Dean said, looking away from Sam again. 

Sam wasn’t really sure what to say. The only reason he had called them was because he was scared and confused. After hearing what Dean had gone through he had no idea what to do. So he called Bobby. He hadn’t even really thought about it. He could understand why Dean wouldn’t want their dad their since the man could be pretty attacking or degrading. But Sam was positive their father would never make fun of Dean for what happened to him. Sam also had no explanation for why Dean wanted to see Bobby let alone their father. 

“I’m sorry, I know that doesn’t fix things but I didn’t know what to do,” Sam said, trying to make it a little better, still not understanding why Dean was so angry. He thought it could maybe be some sort of pride thing, Dean trying to keep his strong image for his father. 

“And you think I know what to do with Dad here? I’m going to be fine Sam, get that through your head,” Dean snapped, looking back at Sam. “Now Dad is here.”

Dean took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to explain himself properly. “I don’t know why I’m going to tell him. I don’t have a reason for what happened. Besides I was stupid, and I should’ve been more careful.”

“Dean,” Sam said, “C’mon, you can’t think like that. It’s not your fault. Sure you could’ve gotten an extra punch in, but you can’t think that you were being weak or carefree.” 

Dean didn’t respond to Sam’s words. He didn’t even a bit of a reaction. 

Dean was back into his own world now. Those two men had made him think about things he never thought he would go through. He wanted everything to all go away. His father being back here was only making it harder for Dean to concentrate on what he really wanted. On what he really wanted to do. Even before their father was here he had no idea on what to do. But now all Dean could think about was how their dad was going to act when he first saw Dean. 

Dean knew his Dad would maybe feel bad while talking to Dean, but Dean knew his father would lose half of the compassion he had the second he was out of Dean’s sight. 

-

_ ““Dean, can you come in here?” Their dad asked, “I have a favor I need you to do.” _

_ Dean rolled his eyes but stood up, getting on the end of his nerves.  _

_ “Yeah?” Dean asked, capping his drink and putting it back in the fridge.  _

_ “You wanna fix your damn tone?” His father questioned, raising an eyebrow at Dean. _

_ “Sorry, sir,” Dean said, looking his father in the eye.  _

_ “I’m going to a bar tonight,” Their dad started. _

_ “You want me to watch Sam?” Dean asked, used to this by now. He always watched Sam. It was either that or be the bait for their dads hunts.  _

_ “No, I actually need you to talk to this guy for me. I know he’s not going to tell me anything, so I need you to listen to him,” Their father said, giving a light laugh, “The guy is stubborn as hell, so just do whatever he says, okay?” _ _   
_ _ Dean looked at his father with a bit of a worried gaze, they way he had ended it made it sound like it was just a favor. Dean knew this had to be a big hunt if his dad needed his help to get some information. Dean was sixteen now, but he normally was stuck watching Sam. There had definitely been hunts where Sam went to Bobby’s and Dean and their father went off and hunted some creature.  _

_ But even though Dean had done it plenty of times, whenever his dad asked him for help on a case it gave Dean some weird buzz.  _

_ “Are we going to leave Sam here alone?” Dean asked.  _

_ John looked over to his son, and took a deep breath, “Once you’re done talking to the guy just come back to Sam. I know you’ll be able to get it out of him son.” _


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

Dean sat in the chair, glancing over to Sam. He was debating if he should tell Sam everything he wanted to. Sam was the one person he told everything to, almost everything. 

He wanted to talk about his rape and scream and cry about it. But after he thought about that option too long he realized it was stupid and just pushed it away. He wanted to burn the memories and forget about it. 

“Sam,” Dean started, but shortly paused, not sure what he was going to even say, “Dad isn’t going, he’s not going to.”   
Dean finally stopped talking, not even sure what he wanted to tell Sam. There was no way he could explain why he didn’t want their Dad there. 

“Dean, I know why you don’t want Dad here,” Sam said, causing Dean to look back at him. 

Sam actually had no idea why, but he knew that their Dad was going to act all tough and give off a lot of toxic masculinity. 

“Sam, just stop, okay?” Dean snapped, making Sam raise his eyebrows, “Let’s just go.”

“Dean.”   
“What? Just fucking move.”   
Sam stood up, completely shocked by Dean’s attitude. Dean was rarely that aggressive when talking to Sam, but Sam pushed away his worries and realized Dean was just not himself right now. Sam stood behind Dean and began to push the wheelchair, but he stopped. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom first, alright?” Sam asked. 

Dean didn’t respond, but Sam knew he had heard. 

Sam walked away, not sure why Dean was getting so angry about Dad being there. 

He was aware of how intense and rude Dad could be to Dean, and how degrading he could be if he was disappointed in one of them. 

Sam walked towards the bathroom, thinking back on when him and Dean were kids. Dad was always so ignorant of how they were. Maybe that’s what Dean was scared of. Dad was going to push him to act okay, and Dean didn’t really want that. Well, at least that’s what Sam thought. 

-

_ Dean stepped into the bar, keeping his hat down low. His Dad had made him wear it so he could just sneak him right past the guard. It wasn’t that hard really, Dean had expected to be stopped.  _

_ “Okay,” John said to himself, scanning all of the people in the room. There was only about seventy people in the club tonight, making it slightly easier for John to spot the man he was looking for. _

_ “You see the man over in the blue coat? Looks as if he’s bald?” John asked and watched as Dean’s eyes slowly landed on the man.  _

_ “Yeah,” Dean said. _

_ “Okay, his name is Alex,” His father explained, “And, just do whatever he asks, okay? He’ll tell you everything we need to know.” _

_ Dean had complete trust in his father. He nodded and walked over to where the man was sitting, he was set on not letting his father down. _

_ “Excuse me? I’m Dean, my father John Winchester wanted me to talk to you,” Dean introduced himself as he sat down beside Alex. _

_ “Oh, I’m Alex,” Alex said, his eyes raking over Dean.  _

_ Dean got a sudden feeling of danger, and it was a strong one. Every part of him was telling him run away as fast as he possibly could. He started to question why his father wanted him to talk to this guy. He said Alex wouldn’t tell him anything, but why would he tell Dean?  _

_ “Do you know why my Dad wanted me to talk to you?”  _

_ “Well, he needs to talk to my buddy, so he probably just sent you to talk to me.” _

_ Dean nodded, hiding his doubt. _

_ “Alright, come with me and I can get you what your Dad needs,” Alex said, standing up. He motioned for Dean to follow so Dean obliged.  _

_ Dean followed the man out of the club and saw a series of rooms down a hallway. It was like a motel in the club. Dean tensed up, knowing that he should’ve left. But he thought back to what is father said, to do whatever this guy told him to. So he was going to do it. His dad had said they would get the information.  _

_ Dean watched as Alex held a door open for him. He followed, scanning everything in the room in front of him. If something went wrong he knew what things he could grab as a weapon for protection. Dean heard the door lock behind him, and shivers went crawling up his entire back.  _

_ “Did your dad even mention why you’re really here?” Alex said in a mocking tone. Dean was about to turn around until he heard the man’s belt slip loose. Now his mind was running loose everywhere. Before he had time to react the belt was slipped onto one of his wrists, and when Dean twisted his body away Alex yanked the belt in a way where Dean felt his wrist almost pop. Alex quickly grabbed Dean’s other wrist, tying it into place with the other.  _

_ “Get your fucking hands off of me!” Dean growled, trying to jerk his way out of his position.  _

_ “That’s some pretty nasty language coming out of such pretty lips,” Alex chuckled, pulling Dean down to the ground. Dean felt his wrists cry in resistance, but he was lost on how to get out of this. Alex finally let go of the belt, sure that the belt was tied correctly.  _

_ “You’re going to do what I say, okay?” Alex commanded.  _

_ It suddenly hit Dean like a pound of bricks. Alex was going to use him. Pretty lips, tied up, and do whatever he says. Dean fell into a trance of terror as it dawned on him what his father had told him. To do whatever Alex told him to do. His father had sold him out.  _

_ “Your father was right, your lips are perfect,” Alex said, sending chills up Dean’s spine.  _

_ Dean thought back on to one time when he was at Bobby’s about a year ago. There was a bunch of other hunters there, and one had grabbed Dean’s ass, and he took it as absolute accident but Bobby had quickly stepped towards Dean and told the hunter to go get some beer from the cellar.  _

_ How long had his father been planning for this? _

_ “Stay the hell away from you fucking creep,” Dean tried to keep his voice steady. He was proud of himself since he had kept his nerves down pretty well.  _

_ “Are you really gonna be like this?” Alex questioned, “What did your daddy tell you?” _

_ Dean thought back on it. He was starting to realize their was no way he was going to get out of this so he might as well try to go along until he couldn’t. His dad told him to do whatever Alex said. It can’t be that bad.  _

_ Alex pulled down his pants, revealing the bulge growing in his boxers.  _

_ Dean nearly gagged at the sight, swallowing the lump in his throat. Not even a part of him was sure what he was supposed to do.  _

_ “On your knees,” Alex demanded. Dean let out a shaky breath and listened, fear gripping every nerve in his body. He knew what Alex wanted if he wanted Dean on his knees. Dean hadn’t even had his own blowjob yet, but here he was on his knees.  _

_ The only experience he had had with a girl he had stopped. She was seventeen and he was fifteen and she started to touch him, but he had stopped it. For some reason he didn’t feel comfortable doing it. She judged him a bit, but Dean left town a few days after anyways. _

_ But this whole situation was way different than that.  _

_ This man was forcing him to do it. Dean wasn’t going to call this rape, but it sure wasn’t wanted. There was no way he could get out of it anyways. The belt was too tight. And, his father had told Dean to do anything he said.  _

_ Alex removed his boxers, letting them slide down to the ground.  _

_ Dean clenched his jaw as he stared at the ground.  _

_ He could see the man's partially hard penis just inches away from his face. He blinked back tears as he kept his eyes on the gross mossy carpet.  _

_ Dean wasn’t one to beg for things, but he had hit the point of begging. _

_ “Please,” Dean muttered, moving his eyes to look at Alex’s. “I’ll give you money.” _

_ Alex threw his head back and laughed, “I’m already paying for this, so go.”  _

_ Dean blinked back the tears that were slowing forming in his eyes. He took a deep breath and finally looked at Alex’s penis.  _

_ Dean felt his heart stop as he stared at the gross object just hanging in front of his face.  _

_ Dean suddenly felt Alex grabbing Deans short hair and pulling Dean closer.  _

_ Dean quickly decided to open his mouth and just do it. He felt the warm pulsating dick just sit on his tongue. He could taste the sweat that marked his penis. It was dissolving in Deans mouth.  _

_ Dean started to move his head back and forth, the tears that he once had tried to keep back just falling freely now.  _

_ He moved his head at a better and steadier pace, knowing that the faster he went the quicker this would all be over. He began to suck, trying to make some extra feeling and pressure with his cheeks. He rolled his lips occasionally, and he noticed every time he did it Alex moaned loudly.  _

_ Dean was disgusted with himself. How quickly and easily he was doing this.  _

_ He had kept going though, he dealt with the sweaty disgusting thing in his mouth for ten minutes.  _

_ He felt himself grow cold when Alex placed his hand on Dean’s head again, making his whole body freeze up in fear.  _

_ Dean was ready for this to be over at that point. He decided to try and take the whole dick in his mouth, which only made it worse.  _

_ He went all the way down, feeling the hairs brush his nose. But when he hit the base of the mans cock, Alex kept Dean’s moth latched in that position. _

_ Dean gagged as the mans penis scratched the back of his throat. He coughed, which only caused Alex to moan out in delight.  _

_ Dean felt more tears slide down his face, and he felt so pathetic in this moment.  _

_ After what seemed like centuries Alex finally let go, allowing Dean to take in a large breath. But he only had a mere second until Alex had pulled Dean back onto his pulsing cock.  _

_ “Fuck, your Dad was right, you’re a fucking natural,” Alex moaned as Dean choked loudly against his dick. _

_ Dean was mortified that his father had thought of what Dean would be like in a situation like this. His father had clearly thought this out for a while now. Dean had no idea how he was ever going to face him again.  _

_ Alex pulled away, allowing Dean to take a gulp of air. His lungs felt like they were burning from the lack of air they were receiving.  _

_ “On the bed,” Alex commanded.  _

_ Dean stared at Alex in absolute shock and despair. How could this man look at a tear stricken teenager and keep hurting him?  _

_ “Now,” Alex said as he stood beside the bed.  _

_ Dean quickly stood up, but instead of sitting on the bed he connected his knee to Alex’s balls. Alex howled in pain and crumpled down to the floor.  _

_ Dean quickly took advantage of the moment and took the lamp on the table beside him with his tied hands and turned his body in one swift motion so the lamp would smash right into Alex’s skull.  _

_ Alex fell all the way to the ground, his body slumped awkwardly against the bed.  _

_ Dean ran towards the door, his breath growing alarmingly quick. He turned around so he could open the door with his hands and once he was out he just ran. He ran back towards the club, his legs moving almost too fast for him to keep up.  _

_ He skidded to a stop once he made it to the club entrance, starting to realize there was no way he could explain this.  _

_ He would go back to Sam. He would go back to his brother. They would pack their bags and leave. Easy as that. _

_ They would never see their father again. Dean would lie and tell Sam that they’re Dad had left or died.  _

_ Dean began to walk back towards where he knew their motel was. He was going to make a better life for himself, and Sam. His Dad had just sold him like he was some sex object. Dying sounded better than that right now.  _

-

“Holy shit,” Sam whispered to himself as he sat in the stall. He was just sitting on the ground, in awe of what he finally pieced together. For years he had never understood why Dean came rushing into the motel room that night. His arms were tied behind his back, and he kept telling Sam that their Dad had left and they had to leave right now. 

But then their Dad showed up. Sam had seen their Dad hit Dean once or twice, but he beat Dean that night. It wasn’t some innocent smack, it was a complete beating. 

Sam stood up, clenching his hands in his hair. Anger was coursing through him. Their Dad had sold Dean. It was the only thing that made sense. And Sam knew that wasn’t the only time. There were countless of times Dean had come home with swollen lips and bruises on his face and neck. He would tell Sam it was from the hunt. But Sam wasn’t some young kid anymore. He finally understood just how sick their father was. How could Dean even talk about the man without wanting to rip his head off? Sam wasn’t going to allow their father to be anywhere close to Dean right now. He had to talk to him first. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, I was on vacation for a little bit and I had no Wifi, but here it is now! Enjoy...

CHAPTER TWELVE 

Dean sat in his wheelchair in complete silence as he waited for Sam to return. He was still really hungry but his nerves had now overcome his will to eat. 

He had no idea why Sam had just rushed out on him like that. Dean was aware that he was getting aggressive with his brother, but he didn’t feel any regret. His brother calling up their Dad and bringing Bobby into this was bringing up emotions and memories Dean had taught himself to shove down. 

Their father had sold Dean countless of times. After the first time Dean made sure that he pleased whoever his Dad had sold him off to. When their Dad learned that Dean had attacked Alex he beat Dean the entire night. Dean shivered at the memory of what his Dad had done to him. It wasn’t worse than what any of the men he was sold to had done, but it was close. 

Dean suddenly jumped out of his mind as he heard a slam of a door hitting it’s frame and saw Sam walk out of the bathroom. Dean could see the tense in his brother’s steps and he could see how squared his shoulders were. 

“Sam, you okay?” Dean looked up at Sam, worry flooding his voice. 

Dean watched as his brother’s face contorted with too many emotions for Dean to understand, which helped him conclude that Sam was the opposite of good.

“Just talk to me man,” Dean said with a bit of a pleading tone.

“How? For years I’ve been trying to help you, but everytime you give me some bullshit about how you’re fine,” Sam said, and Dean was shocked by the complete anger rolling off of Sam. Dean knew it wasn’t directed at him even though anyone witnessing it would definitely think that Sam wanted to kill him. Dean was growing more and more nervous as his brother continued to confuse him. Dean didn’t like when he couldn’t help Sam, and he could tell his brother wasn’t going to tell him what was egging him on so badly. 

“Sam, can we go back to the room?” Dean asked, his head starting to sway. He normally didn’t like to accept that he was hurt, but right now he accepted that he was fucked up. There was too much wrong with him; there was so much he could barely even remember all of it. 

“Why don’t you want Dad here?” Sam interrogated Dean, ignoring the polite request in total. 

“I,” Dean paused, knowing he couldn’t tell Sam the actual reason. “Sam, c’mon, let’s just go back to the room.”   
“Dean,” Sam said with exhaustion, “I can’t do it anymore. You beat yourself up and act like nothing's wrong but so much is wrong Dean!”

Dean knew Sam was about to break and Dean wasn’t ready to take it right now. He couldn’t care for his brother when he was like this. Dean took a deep breath and felt his lungs shoot sparks in return. He let out a cough, not expecting his lungs to burn the way they had. 

“Sam, I’m not stupid,” Dean defended himself, “I know I’m hurt right now, okay? I’m not going to start walking around and act like I’m all good again. Can we please go back to the room now?”

“Dad sold you Dean,” Sam quietly stated.

“What the hell, man?” Dean snapped, but he knew how shaky his voice had come out. If Sam had figured it out Dean had no idea how he was going to get himself out of this. He had never thought about Sam finding out. He had always told himself that Sam never would.

Dean took another breath, but this time he felt like it was almost cut off. He felt like he wasn’t getting the amount of air he was supposed to. 

“I figured it out,” Sam sighed, his eyes looking watery, “How many times you guys went off, the way you were when you would come home.”   
Dean felt his breathing getting shorter and shorter by the second and he glanced up to Sam. He had tears forming in his eyes from everything that he had ever built just crashing down. It was like every protective surface for himself had just come crumbling down in hours. He had been raped and Sam had figured out the one thing Dean had kept from him for almost ten years. 

“I wanted to talk about it,” Dean could hear his voice trembling and it made him feel even more pathetic than he already was, “But I realized it wasn’t a big deal. It helped us, and I never got hurt that bad. I could always walk away.” 

Sam let out a breath of disbelief and rubbed his hand across his face, “Dean, how can you think that?”

“Can we go back to the room? My lungs feel like they’re about to burst,” Dean asked, looking away from Sam.

Sam couldn’t believe that Dean was just pushing this away so simply. He also couldn’t grasp how little his brother thought of himself. 

“Yeah, sure,” Sam gave up, stepping behind Dean now. He grabbed onto the handles, and as he looked down at Dean’s hurt figure, his eyes landed right onto the bite mark once again.

He felt a random surge of tears fight their way for a passage out, but he rapidly blinked them back.

Sam flashed back to how many times Dean had come home before Dad, saying that Dad was staying out for drinks so he sent Dean home. That’s not what it really was. Sam finally knew what Dean had been hiding for him all these years, all those bruises Sam had helped Dean cover up. Whenever he asked where they came from Dean only said it was from the hunt. Or some dick. 

He began to push Dean’s wheelchair, not ready for them to have to face their Dad. Ten minutes ago he wanted to rip the man's heart out, but now he was too nervous and scared to even look at him. 

Sam couldn’t believe how long it must’ve lasted. How many times Dad had sold Dean away for his own good. The only way he could pinpoint when it started was that one night. Dean and him had been watching some Salma Hayek movie, and then when Dean came home his hands behind his back, and he was rushing around the motel room. Dean had kept going on about how they had to leave right that second, and how Dad had left him. But only a few minutes later Dad came back home, and he was pissed. 

Sam stopped thinking about that night, Dean’s young cries still fresh in his ears.

But after that night, almost every few weekends Sam would help Dean with some bruises, or get him a hot bath or some ice. It became so regular Sam had stopped thinking anything of it at the time. 

Sam couldn’t remember it stopping, it went all the way up until he left for Stanford.

Sam took in a breath of shock. It probably never did. After Sam left their father could’ve kept it going for the next four years. 

As Sam pushed Dean into the elevator he leaned back against the wall in shock. Maybe Dad hadn’t gone missing. Maybe Dean had left. But Dean wouldn’t do that, despite how awful their father was to him, Dean still obeyed him. 

“I wanted to talk about it you know,” Dean suddenly said, “I wanted to scream about it. But I didn’t know how to bring it up. It just, it never seemed right.”   
Sam was about to respond but the elevator opened up and there were two nurses standing right in front of them. 

“Oh by God,” One of them let out a sigh of relief.

“We thought you had left,” The younger one said, looking up at Sam with a careful gaze. 

“Sorry, we had, uh,” Sam cleared his throat, his head still swarming from everything within it, “We had just gone to the cafeteria, sorry we’ll go right back to the room.”

Sam could tell the nurse was about to tell him that they would take Dean but Sam gave her pleading eyes, and he noticed as she just lightly smiled and stepped aside.

Sam pushed Dean between them and quickly made his way back to the room. He hoped their father and Bobby wouldn’t come up just yet. He was praying that he would have time to get Dean back into the room and then be able to go talk to his father when his head was a bit clearer. 

Sam spotted Dean’s room and as he approached it, he took a turn and entered Dean’s room.

Sam stopped dead in his tracks as he saw their father standing beside Bobby, waiting for them to return. 

Sam watched as Dad turned around, staring right at Sam, and then his eyes slowly traveling down to Dean. Sam glanced down to Dean and watched as his brothers body tensed up, making Sam hurt for Dean. 

“Hey, boys,” John lightly smirked, but neither of his sons returned the emotion.

Sam pushed past them, focused on getting Dean back into the bed. He was going to center all of his attention to getting Dean in the bed, and after that was done he could talk to his father.

“I’m sorry I’ve been hard to contact lately, but a lot’s been going on,” Their father began trying to explain himself. 

Sam took a deep breath, trying to control his anger. He was honestly surprised Dean hadn’t said anything to try and calm the mood. But maybe Dean was finally done, maybe he would stand on Sam’s side for this. 

Sam leaned down and picked Dean up again, and this time he heard Dean grunt out in pain. Sam still felt bad, but his anger was a little consuming at the moment. 

“I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it here, but I had a feeling this was important to you boys,” Their father said, approaching the bed. 

Sam laid Dean down, and he watched as Dean mad eye contact, almost telling him to keep it together. That was one thing Sam hated about himself. His temper. It was as bad as his fathers. 

He started to change the IV back into where it was supposed to go. Anyone else wouldn’t have been able to do it but Sam had learned pretty quickly over the years how to do those sorts of things. 

“Not to be rude or anything Sam, but when was the last time you even bothered to call me?” John started, and Dean watched as Sam quickly finished the IV and turned around to their father. He knew Sam wasn’t going to last very long. 

“Are you serious? You don’t even care about your own son who could’ve died?” Sam snapped, and he watched as Bobby slowly shut the door. He still couldn’t understand why Dean didn’t want Bobby he here, but he felt like Bobby hadn’t actually done anything. 

“He wouldn’t have died, he would’ve been fine,” John rolled his eyes.

“You are so unbelievable,” Sam sneered. “You put him through so much, and all you can do is bitch about how I didn’t call?”

“I put him through so much? Last I checked the both of you went through the same exact stuff,” John defended himself.

“Let me guess, you gave him the standard bullshit even after I left didn’t you?” Sam said, and Dean could hear the sudden deadliness in his brothers tone. His voice was tight, but full of hate. Dean was honestly a bit scared.

“Sam you’re the only one here with the standard bullshit, instead of being here for Dean you have to pick a fight with me, don’t you?”

In two quick steps Sam had covered the room between him and his father, he grabbed his father's collar and slammed him against the wall. He yanked the collar up so it would uncomfortably rub right against his throat. 

“You sold him away almost every week you fucking pig,” Sam snarled, “I was too young to notice what was happening, but now I know. And I swear to God, if you say you don’t know what I’m talking about I will kill you.”   
Sam meant it whenever he threatened that, and he was pretty sure right now he was on the verge of pulling out his gun and pressing it to his father's head. 

He watched as his Dad clenched his jaw and then shook his head, “What the hell is wrong with you Sam? I never sold him! He didn’t tell you his part of the story did he?”

Sam glanced behind himself to see Dean leaned up in the bed, his eyes pleading at Sam. 

Sam harshly let go of his father, satisfied when he heard him grunt when Sam had let go. 

“I don’t need to hear his half, even if he said he would do it for you I know for a fact that you would’ve lied to his face,” Sam snapped, “You would’ve said it was for a hunt, or some sort of sick favor.” 

Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Dean leaned back into the bed, his hand covering his eyes and face. He wanted to help his brother right now, but he had to get their father out of here. 

“Sam! Stop with this nonsense!” His Dad demanded.

“What the hell did I just say to you? Tell me the fucking truth for once Dad! I know you sold Dean away just so you could have some extra cash in your pocket. He was just a kid. You might’ve made him act like he wasn’t, but I know he was. What the hell kind of excuse are you for a father?” Sam growled at the end, knowing the last comment would hit his father just right. 

“Everytime your brother went and pleasured some man he was well aware of what he was doing, and if he had wanted them to stop all he had to do was say so.”   
“You’re disgusting.” Sam shook his head, “When he told them no, you beat him senseless when he got home.”   
His father looked at him with pure shock, and Sam was surprised that his father didn’t know that Sam had known that Dad beat Dean occasionally.

“What, you think I was deaf or something?” Sam took a breath and looked his father right in the eyes, “You wouldn’t even take any of it back, would you? You would’ve sold him everytime all over again, not caring how much it hurt him to do so.”

Sam kept thinking of all the times Dean and limped into the house, saying he was sore from the hunt, and Sam would run him a bath. And after Dean had gotten undressed and settled, Sam would come back with some ice cream or whatever they had and keep his brother some company. 

Sam watched as his father took a confident stance. Sam knew that his father was about to make the last bit of their relationship crumble to ashes in just a few seconds. 

Sam didn’t even have time to process as he felt a fist slam into the side of his temple. He stumbled back, holding his head.

He looked up at his father in shock and saw the man glaring back at him.

“I would’ve sold him years before. He could’ve taken it. He clearly took whatever beating he deserved the other night just fine, so to answer your question, yes.”

Sam felt anger flow through him, and he could even feel his own fists trembling with nerves. All he could see was red, blood red. He could see the figure of his sick and disgusting father standing in front of him, but it was all smeared with blood red anger. 

His hands felt a familiar cool and slick metal object appear in them, and all he could begin to process was the red surrounding him. He had had enough of his father treating Dean the way he had been. 

“Sam!” 

Dean cry broke through Sam’s head, pulling him back to his awful reality. He felt like a different person, he felt grounded. A few seconds ago he had felt weightless and powerful. 

“Put the gun down,” Dean carefully said, his eyes locked on the pistol securely wrapped in Sam’s hands.

Sam looked at the gun, and then at the line of fire, which was a straight shot to his fathers chest. His finger rested on the trigger, and all it would take is one breath for Sam to kill him. 


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, son?” John asked as he stared at the gun being aimed at him. 

Sam looked down at the gun in his hands again, conflicted on why he was even holding it. The man had done horrible things to his brother, but it was still his father. There was no way he could kill his own father and live with it. 

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t shoot,” Sam said, even though every part of him was telling him to throw the gun far away from himself. 

John looked at his young son, fear coursing through him. He never would’ve thought one of his own children would ever hold a gun to his face. Ever. “I’m your father. That’s why.”   
“Oh and one great one you are,” Sam scoffed, not even lowering the gun by an inch.

“Sam, enough of this,” Bobby sternly said. 

Sam glanced over to Bobby but ignored the command. It was just him and his father right now. 

“Sam this is absolute bullshit and you know it!” John suddenly shouted, and Sam could tell he was making him nervous. It only egged him on. “Put the gun down, or shoot me.”   
And Sam held his breath and watched as his father stepped closer to the gun, his chest only a few feet away now. 

Sam slowly put the gun down, his hand practically shaking he was so angry. 

“You don’t deserve this,” Sam muttered, only loud enough for himself to hear.

“You’re a coward,” John shook his head. “You can run your mouth but when it comes to finally getting into the nasty part you back out, like always.”

“Shut up,” Sam said, tucking the gun back into his waistband, “You’re not worth it.”   
“I hope you boys realize that everything I did kept you two alive and made you who you are today,” John said, looking at Dean now. Sam felt a flare of anger as his father looked at Dean. 

“You ruined us,” Sam said, stepping forwards so he would be back in his father’s sight.

John glared at Sam, and then looked back at Dean. Sam finally looked back at Dean and saw how conflicted his brother looked. He looked like he wanted to get up and strangle his father, but he also looked as if he could cry in fear. 

“I hope you know what I did was only to help you,” John said, “I never meant to hurt you.” 

Sam was about to yell at his father, but he watched as Dean looked John right in the eyes and said, “Get out.”   
“Dean,” His father said.   
“Both of you. Get out,” Dean said. Sam felt his heart drop as he thought he meant himself, but he saw as Dean looked behind him to Bobby. 

“John, give them some space,” Bobby said as he started to walk out. John followed and Sam felt as if he could see the steam escaping out of John’s ears. 

Sam looked back to Dean.

“You did it,” Sam smiled, looking at Dean.

“Oh, shut up,” Dean said, his voice shaking. “Why did you do that?”

“You needed to confront it eventually, Dean!” Sam defended himself, “I had called him earlier before we talked and I didn’t plan on him actually coming.”   
“Well he did, what the hell did you want me to do? Cry about everything that’s ever happened to me?” Dean snapped. Sam could see Dean’s eyes getting wetter as he spoke.

“Yes! You need to accept what happened to you! Just for once talk to me,” Sam pleaded.

“Well you already seemed to figure it out,” Dean snipped, shooting Sam a nasty look.

Sam gave his brother a pleading look, knowing that his brother wasn’t going to say anything more. 

“Remember the night I turned sixteen, how I had come running back in our room like a psycho?” Dean asked, but he was asking it more as a general question. “That was the first night you know. First time he had done it. And he had asked me to do him a favor, so I said yes. When I finally realized what was going on, I, I, I didn’t stop him really. I knew Dad had me doing it for some reason.”   
“Dean, how could you do that?” Sam asked, just shocked by how he could do that to himself.

“That wasn’t even the worse night,” Dean said, looking at his brother in the eyes. He wasn’t sure why he was telling Sam this. He wasn’t even sure if he was going to tell his brother what had really happened most of the time his Dad had sold him off. 

“Thanks for helping me by the way, you and Bobby were the only ones that tried to help me,” Dean said, “Bobby was the only one who knew, but I made him promise not to tell you. You were already helping me just right with cleaning me up and helping me get to the bathroom. I don’t even know why you did it.”   
“Cause you’re my brother,” Sam said like it was obvious. 

Dean wasn’t really focusing on Sam anymore. He was honestly just saying what he truly thought. 

“There were some nights, after the guys were done, I felt like I could just lay there and die,” Dean said, “But that feeling never came after one time. Dad had sent me off a few hours away, and he kept swearing that he would come and get me. He came about fourteen hours later.”   
“Oh my god,” Sam muttered under his breath. He felt extremely uncomfortable as his brother was speaking to him. Only once had he seen his brother’s eyes gloss over the way they were doing now, and that was about six years ago when Dean had talked about the fire that killed their mother. Sam had a bad feeling of what he might learn, and a part of him regretted forcing Dean to talk right now. His brother was also far more vulnerable now than ever, and he used that to his own advantage. 

-

_ Dean put his hands out as the biggest guy, who had learned was named Paul, shoved him to the bare ground. Dean looked at his surroundings, only seeing forest all around him.  _

_ Dean was screwed. There had only been four other times Dean had left when he felt uncomfortable, and this was about his thirtieth time doing this.  _

_ “On your knees,” Paul snapped, kicking Dean’s legs.  _

_ Dean quickly scrambled up, feeling the leaves crinkle under his hands. Dean pressed his knees into the soft ground, chills traveling up his back from a gust of cold air. _

_ He knew his heart was pounding so hard the men standing around him could hear it thumping. Dean watched as the other two men, Travis and Eric, grabbed some rope from the back of the truck and walked back towards Dean. Dean also noticed some small black bag in Eric’s hand and he really hoped it was nothing.  _

_ “C’mon boys, we all know the rope is just some creepy kink you guys like, let’s just get it over with,” Dean smirked, already hating himself for the comment. Everytime he tried to make some sort of snarky remark in a pathetic attempt to get something to work his way, it never did.  _

_ Dean held back a grunt as Paul grabbed Dean by the collar of his shirt, his cigarette breath landing right on Dean’s cheek.  _

_ Dean wanted to snap his head away but he kept his eyes right on Paul, trying to hide how scared he was. Dad always told him to stop acting so immature and just grow up whenever he sent him off to someone. Dean tried, but it was almost his defense to try and use sarcasm to get himself out.  _

_ “Strip him down, and get him on the tree,” Paul said, shoving Dean into the big arms of Eric.  _

_ “What?” Dean said, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion, “The hell do you mean get me on a tree?” _ _   
_ _ Dean knew this was not something that should be happening right now. Him being tied to a tree was never something he thought would happen.  _

_ He didn’t fight though. He just went limp with fear. He just watched as Travis and Eric both took a wrist and tied them separately so his arms were spread apart. He didn’t even flinch when they took his ankles and tied them to the same trees his arms were on.  _

_ Dean felt his face go red as he realized the position he was in. He was practically eagle spread in the middle of the forest.  _

_ Eric came right in front of him, grazing his hands across Dean’s face. _

_ “How can you only be seventeen?” He asked as he drew his lip across Dean’s neck. Dean leaned away just a bit, but he soon decided to not move and just take it.  _

_ “C’mon man,” Travis said, “Let’s get his clothes off.” _ _   
_ _ Eric stepped away and got out of Dean’s sight.  _

_ Dean did not like this. He never liked when he had to do this, but he couldn’t see what they were doing. Whatever they wanted to do to him he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. He wouldn’t even be able to prepare himself for it.  _

_ “We should’ve gotten the clothes off before we tied him ya know,” Travis said, and Dean watched as he came into hsi view with a pocket knife in his hands. He began to cut at his clothes so they would just slip right off of Dean.  _

_ Once Travis got his shirts off he gently rubbed his hand on Dean’s v-line. Dean lightly thrusted back in response, the sudden touch surprising him. _

_ “You’re a little jumpy you know,” Travis said.  _

_ Dean clenched his jaw as Travis cut off Dean’s pants, leaving him just in his boxers. Dean shivered as the air hit his skin. It wasn’t a chilly day, but it certainly wasn’t pleasant being naked.  _

_ Dean was starting to wonder why they had to bring him all the way out here. What were they gonna do to him that made them have to go in the middle of the woods? _

_ Eric walked up behind Dean and Dean jerked his body forwards as Eric ripped his boxers right off.  _

_ Dean felt his breath catch as Travis walked away, and he listened for his footsteps but was surprised when he heard the truck start. Eric was right up against him, his hands rubbing his cheeks against his own pants.  _

_ Eric began to massage Dean’s ass, his finger slipping in and out occasionally.  _

_ Eric kissed Dean’s shoulder blades, going all the way up until he hit Dean’s ear. Dean was extremely uncomfortable with the truck now on, Eric kissing him, and lightly fingering him.  _

_ “Hope you have fun,” Eric mumbled.  _

_ Dean felt a larger object at his entrance, he first clenched up, but he focused on forcing himself to relax. He had learned that it hurt more if he tried to resist. He felt the rubber like object just slide right in. It wasn’t as big as a dick, but it was bigger than Eric’s finger.  _

_ Dean gasped when a vibrating sensation traveled through his entire ass and tingling his whole stomach.  _

_ Dean heard as Eric walked away, and he even heard the truck door slam shut. His heart dropped when he heard the tires begin to take off. _

_ “No,” Dean started to say.  _

_ “No! No! Please! You can’t leave like this!”Dean shouted, “You fucking son of a bitch!” _ _   
_ _ Dean blinked back tears as the vibrator continued to send small ripples of uncomfort and pleasure throughout him.  _

_ They had just left him tied to a tree in the woods, with a vibrator up his ass.  _

_ Dean wanted to cry he was so scared, he wanted to scream for help. But he knew it was pointless. There was no one around for miles.  _


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm really sorry I haven't posted in so long, I just hit a really bad writers block. I didn't want to write something really bad or awkward, but I got it back so I immediately got back. And I've been really busy, but thank you for being so patient. This chapter is shorter than what I wanted, but it's about to get better so sit tight. Alright, sorry once again, and like always I hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

_ Dean twisted his arms around, hoping that in some way he could wriggle himself free.  _

_ Nothing was working. He was stuck. _

_ Dean felt the vibrator press right against his prostate as he stuck his waist out, trying to move it away from there. He failed with that too. _

_ Dean unconsciously jerked as it rubbed his prostate. Dean let out a heavy breath, confused as to why it didn’t hurt.  _

_ He was expecting pain, every other time had been full blown torture. But this, this almost felt nice. Dean wanted to puke he was becoming so disgusted with himself.  _

_ He looked down at his dick to see it slowly rising up. _

_ “No,” Dean muttered, hanging his head low.  _

_ He could sense how much he was sweating, and he was ashamed of how much he was jerking when it hit him just right.  _

_ Dean cried out in pleasure as it suddenly got faster, making trickles of pleasure travel through him. This was like nothing he had ever experienced.  _

_ He could feel his dick throbbing for attention, but he was more focused on what the vibrator was doing to him. It was amazing. But Dean wanted to die.  _

_ He was being sold by a bunch of grown men, and here he was enjoying what they were doing to him. Dean felt his legs grow weak and his dickk pulse in anticipation. _

_ He was going to cum. The thought of him cumming and them seeing it on the ground revulsed him. He had no idea how long he had been standing here, moaning like some slut, but he was absolutely disgusted by himself. _

_ He couldn’t help it though, no matter how hard he tried a shaking orgasm coursed through him, his moan deep.  _

_ Dean watched as a tear dropped down to the ground after he came, and he felt pathetic. Now he was crying over it.  _

_ Dean swirled his hips around, expecting the vibrator to turn off, but it didn’t.  _

-

Sam stared at Dean, his mouth agape. He couldn’t even wrap his mind around what those men did to Dean.

“I was disgusted with myself,” Dean said, and Sam noticed his brother’s eyes were glistening. “At first I thought it was over, that they were gonna come back, toss me around a bit, and then I would be home. But, I don’t even know how long I was there and tied up like that. They just left me. I…”

Sam listened as Dean stopped talking. He couldn’t imagine Dean tied up all alone and scared, forced to go through that multiple times. 

“But when they got back,” Dean shook his head, and Sam watched the tears slide down his brothers bruised cheeks, “I don’t even know where they got those ideas. They, it was in ways that you… You know, when Dad finally came to get me, my face was so blue and swollen, and he didn’t even say anything.”   
“But when we stopped for gas later that night, I, I got out of the car and he tossed a pair of pants at me and said that I better change before you see,” Dean said, tears now creating a pool at the bottom of his neck. “That we would say it was a rough hunt.”

“That was the first time I went to Bobby,” Dean explained, hsi voice sounding sore, “He brought me straight to the hospital, but I refused to report it.”

Dean looked Sam in the eyes, “I couldn’t walk right for a whole week. Dad didn’t even say one thing the entire time.”   
Sam nodded, remembering this one. Dean had gone away to Bobby’s for a weekend, and he seemed way different when he came back. Sam remembered how long he had tried to press it out of his brother but how Dean only ignored him. 

There were so many times Dean had been gone for a few hours a night, and when he got back Sam never really knew what to ask. All he knew how to do was make his brothers physical pain go away. 

Sam finally understood why Dean didn’t want Bobby here, he didn’t want Sam to find out what was wrong with him. Sam corrected himself, nothing was wrong with him, he was just hurting. 

“Dean, our Dad treated you awfully,” Sam said, “And I know you think it was protecting the family or something, but he used you. What he did was wrong.”

Dean just scrunched up his nose and turned his face away, and Sam knew Dean had finally stopped trying to hold back his cry. Sam watched as Dean’s shoulders started to bounce as he quietly sobbed, his hand wiping away his tears. 

“It was almost every week,” Dean whispered, and he turned back to Sam, “I, I don’t even know why I kept doing it. I could’ve just told him to go to Hell.”   
Dean let out a weird laugh and Sam grew suddenly anxious. He knew his brother was finally accepting what had happened but it was really scaring him. He had never seen Dean like this in his whole life. He had no idea what to think.

“I should’ve picked you up and left. We would’ve been so much safer. I messed up,” Dean sighed, resting his head back on the pillow. The tears had slowed, but they were still trickling their way down his face.

Sam’s heart shattered into hundreds of pieces. He couldn’t even understand how Dean could still be tearing himself up about something he had no control of doing. Their father abused him and al Dean was trying to do was protect Sam. Sam knew he would do the same exact thing if the roles were swapped. He would do anything to protect Dean, even if it meant going through what Dean had to. 

But it killed Sam that Dean wasn’t fully aware of the cruel things he had to experience and go through. He wished his brother would just realize he’s the victim here and their Dad is a disgusting and sick father. 

“Dean, you can’t think like that,” Sam said, “You did nothing. You were just protecting me. Hell, you were protecting yourself. Who knows what Dad would have done if you had said, ``''no.”   
Sam knew. Their Dad would’ve beaten Dean blue.

“But you gotta stop beating yourself up about it,” Sam said, making sure to look Dean in the eyes, “You did everything you could have done.”

“Uhm, excuse me sir,” A nurse gently interrupted, knocking on the now open door.

Dean quickly looked away, and Sam sat up in the chair he was sitting in.

“Yes?” Sam said, glancing back to Dean.

“Dr. Sheppard needs to talk to you just for a second, but he can come back,``she began.

“It’s fine,” Dean said.

Sam stared at his brother, not really sure what to say in response to that. He finally had a conversation about what Dean had gone through, and now it was being cut off awkwardly. 

He let out a heavy breath and stood up, “I guess now is good,” He lightly smiled.

As the nurse turned away Sam rubbed his face, making sure no tears were left on his face. He hadn’t really focused on how much he had cried, but he had cried more than he had thought. 

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Sam said, shutting the door behind him. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, let the hate roll. I'm sorry about not posting for so long, it's just this story has hit a wall for me but I'm way more confident that my ideas are solid once again, so thank you if you stuck through. Like always, enjoy!

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

Sam sat on the bench right down the hall from Dean’s room. It had been a whole week since Sam had seen his father. Sam and Bobby had been switching off lately, both of them in need of some rest. Sam didn’t want to leave his brother alone so he made sure someone was in the hospital with him while he was here. 

The doctor had Dean tested for STD’s and luckily he didn’t have any, but Sam noticed something change in Dean after the doctor had come in and asked Dean permission if they could do it. 

Dean was getting better physically though. He could walk again, but Sam could see how much it hurt by the way Dean was moving. The doctors couldn’t see it, but Sam could have spotten it a mile away. His knee still was messed up, but for a long distance walk he had to use a crutch, and Sam hadn’t spotted Dean denying it yet. His breathing and ribs had basically healed in their terms, and his head seemed just fine to the brothers. It met Sam and Dean’s standards but not the doctors just yet. His head had gotten better, but it was mainly Dean’s back that was keeping him in bed now. It was in the most painful stage of light tissue trying to heal back, and any intense movements could tear it in seconds. 

Sam was at least glad that he could recognize Dean now. The swelling and bruising that had been on his face before was now gone, and that gave Sam some weird sense of how if that could heal so could the rest of Dean. His brother’s face still was littered with dark colorings and small cuts, but it was better than before. 

Dean had been getting quieter and quieter everyday. Sam had been expecting that, but for some reason it still scared him. Dean was never the type to stay quiet and feel sorry for himself. But all he did was lay in bed and stare out the window. He wouldn’t even put on some cringey daytime television show he always loved but refused to admit. 

Sam had taken notice to how little Dean now held himself. Normally Dean was snapping at Sam to stand up straighter, to show off his height. Now the same brother was shrinking back into his bed, looking weak and small. 

It hurt Sam to see Dean like this. His brother always had some sort of snarky or snippily positive remark for something, but now when something was said all Dean would answer with is one mere word. 

One night Sam had even caught Dean speaking in his sleep. Sam was going to wake him since he could tell it wasn’t a pleasant dream, but Sam was wrongly curious. Dean had mumbled out a few sorry’s. He also felt like he had heard a small ‘Dad’ but he wasn’t sure. Sam had felt complete fear when Dean had cried out for Sam loud enough to wake up a few other patients. 

Sam had felt chills travel through every nerve in his body as his brother had yelled out his own name, and Sam quickly woke Dean up, but Sam had done it a little to urgently.

Sam had shaken Dean’s shoulders and when Dean woke up his eyes shot wide open and his arms immediately covered his face. 

Sam had gently put his own hands over Dean’s, moving his brother’s hands down as he whispered to his brother how he was okay. Sam stayed there until his brother had fallen asleep, but after he had to leave. He quickly got up and decided to go get a coffee at the cafe in the lobby. 

He hadn’t been able to shake the creepy feeling his brother’s nightmare had left on him.

He was trying to reassure himself that he knew what he was feeling, but he knew he was completely lost on what to do. Normally him and his brother would have been miles away from the hospital, but Dean couldn’t leave yet. 

If they really wanted to they could go and leave, but it would be way to dangerous for them to leave now. Sam also had no idea what to do once Dean and him left. He didn’t know where to go, or what to do, or what to say to his brother. 

He wanted to comfort Dean and help him, but he was at a loss for words.

He knew his brother was going through something terrifying, but he was so confused as to why Dean suddenly broke now. Dean had been going through this for so long, but now that Sam knew he just shut down. Sam felt hurt that his brother didn’t want to talk to him like he normally did, or even give Sam a sense of safety. 

“Excuse me, Mr. Corderio?” A nurse politely said to Sam. Sam flinched a bit, but looked up to her with a weak smile. “Visiting hours are over, but we have the cot set up.”

“Thank you,” Sam said as she walked away. Sam had learned how this hospital worked by now. By 9pm all visitors had to leave, or in Sam’s case they began to set up a cot in Dean’s room for him to stay in. It wasn’t every night, but they had done it twice now. 

Sam got up and walked into Dean’s room. He saw the cot sitting right beside Dean’s bed, and he let out a sigh of relief as he saw that Dean had fallen asleep. Sam knew that Dean was trying not to sleep, but eventually exhaust was going to kick in. 

Sam hopped onto the cot and pulled the blanket up. He laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling, the beeping off the machines ringing in his ears. 

-

_ Sam laid on the couch, glancing over to the Playboy on the bed in his and Dean’s room. He was annoyed how long it was taking Dean to get back home, but he knew whatever it was it was important. Sam knew Dean wouldn’t have gone so suddenly if it wasn’t something Dad really needed.  _

_ Sam looked back to the TV and laid down as Bloodsport began to play. Sam remembered when the movie had first come out a few years ago and Dean and him had played who was Jean Claude Van Damme and who was Chong Li. Sam always got stuck with Chong, but sometimes Dean would let Sam play Jean, but that normally didn’t last.  _

_ As Sam settled in to watch the movie he heard banging on the door. Sam stared at the door, his heart beginning to pick up. _

_ “Sam! Open the door! Sam?!” Dean cried from outside the door. Sam quickly got up from the urgency he could hear in his brother’s voice.  _

_ He opened the door and his eyes widened as he saw his brother in front of him. A dark bruise was showing up on the side of Dean’s cheek, and his arms were tied behind his back.  _

_ “Dean? What the hell happened?” Sam said, moving to the kitchen to grab a knife to help Dean out.  _

_ “We need to get out of here right now, we’re going to leave.”  _

_ “What?” Sam questioned as he cut through the bindings on Dean’s wrists. _

_ Dean quickly broke away and went into their room. Sam watched as his brother began to chaotically pack up their clothes. Sam finally stopped Dean when he saw Dean going towards the cabinet, Sam knew Dean was going to grab the stash of Dad’s cash. _

_ “Dean, talk to me, what the hell is going on?” Sam snapped, standing in front of Dean, _

_ “Dad left us, okay?” Dean said simply, staring Sam in the eyes. “The hunt went wrong, and he just left. So we need to go right now, okay?” _

_ “Dean, Dad wouldn’t just leave, why don’t we just wait?” Sam offered, completely confused and scared by the situation in front of him.  _

_ “Sam, please,” Dean said, and Sam heard the certain beg Dean was trying to get across, “Just trust me on this.” _

_ Sam shook his head and let out a sigh, “What do you want me to do?” _ _   
_ _ Deep down, underneath all of the shock Sam was experiencing he was happy with what was happening. A part of Sam loved their father, but most of it hated the man.  _

_ “Go pack up our stuff, and if you know where he hid anymore of this,” Dean said surely as he waved around a wad of cash, “Get it.” _

_ Sam stopped in his tracks as he heard a loud bang on the door. _

_ “Dean, I swear to god open this fucking door!” John yelled from outside. _

_ “Dean,” Sam worried, his nerves racking up. He could feel his heart falling and his hands shaking. He always got like this when he thought something bad was about to happen, and he was always right.  _

_ “Dean, what are we gonna do?” Sam asked. For some reason, he was putting all of his trust in Dean instead of their father right now.  _

_ “I don’t know, okay, just,” Dean took a breath and Sam watched as Dean knelt down with his head on the counter. Sam watched as Dean’s shoulders rose, and then fell. _

_ Dean suddenly stood up, “Go in your room.” _ _   
_ _ “Dean! Open the damn door!” John shouted. _

_ Dean approached the door, and Sam noticed the shake in his brother’s fingers as he reached for the knob.  _

_ The second Dean had unlocked the door John bursted through the door. _

_ “What the hell were you thinking just leaving like that?” John snapped, making Dean almost trip over himself as he back away. “I ask you to do one fucking thing for me and you do that?”  _

_ “You are a piece of shit! You think that’s fucking normal? To just sell me off like that? What’s wrong with you?” Dean shouted, and Sam backed away into the doorway of his room. _

_ He didn’t know what was going on, but he kept watching in shock. Dean never spoke back to their father, but he was now. _

_ “Every fucking day I watch Sam! I make him dinner, I help him, I teach him. What the hell do you do? Torture me every day of my life? Treat me like I’m some dog?” Dean yelled, “I’m done with this bullshit.” _ _   
_ _ “What you’re just gonna leave?” John started. _

_ “I”ll tell Bobby everything you’ve done, and then I won’t even have to leave.” _ _   
_ _ “I’m your father, you can’t just act like I haven’t done anything for you.” _

_ “You’ve done nothing! You’re the worst father anyone could have, and Sam deserves more than that! I deserve more than that!” _

_ Sam gasped as John’s hand flew out to Dean’s face. Dean stumbled back and bumped into the counter. Sam watched as John continued to punch Dean’s face, acting as if Dean was his punching bag.  _

_ Dean was crumpled against the counter, blood on his face. Sam was crying for his father to stop, but John had forgotten Sam was even there.  _

_ “Dad,” Dean whined, but John showed no sign of stopping. Dean whimpered as a blow connected into his stomach.  _

_ John finally stopped, leaving Dean with one last smack to his cheek.  _

_ Dean slid against the kitchen cabinets, sitting on the floor. He didn’t look up and meet his father’s eyes in fear of what could happen. _

_ “You’re pathetic,” John mumbled, and he watched as tears fell down his son’s face.  _

_ Sam silently cried as he stared at his brother. He watched as his father left the motel and he jumped as he heard the engine of the Impala roar awake.  _

_ “Dean?” Sam said, his voice breaking. _

_ Dean didn’t respond to Sam though, he just sat in the kitchen and quietly cried.  _

_ Sam didn’t try to stop him either, he just let his brother cry.  _


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
If you don't like it, this has sex it in. I know I have rape scenes, but in case you don't want to read it this is a chapter with sex within it.

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

Sam ripped the blanket off, unable to sleep. Too many memories were deciding to put on a show in his mind tonight. He got up and glanced over to his broken brother. The sight made him want to scream. He wanted his brother back. He wanted to forget everything that had happened in the past three weeks. 

Sam walked out of the room, already knowing where he was going to go.

“Excuse me?” Sam said quietly to the same nurse who had set up his cot. 

She didn’t respond and Sam noticed she had earbuds connected to an old pink Ipod. 

“Anna?’ Sam said a bit louder. He had learned her name after talking to her for a little while the other day. She was pretty sweet, and quite pretty. Sam knew that in any other circumstance he would’ve tried to kiss her by now, but it just felt wrong. He also knew Dean would’ve been all over her. The thought just crushed him.

Anna looked up, her eyes immediately widening. She smiled a little and Sam watched as her cheeks flushed red, “Oh, Sam, sorry.”

“It’s fine, do you know where I can find a bar around here?”

“Oh, yeah,” Anna said, tucking a strand of her brown curly hair behind her ear, “Take a left down the street off of Tucker’s and it’ll be right there.”

Sam nodded and began to walk off but he turned around and looked back at Anna, “By the way, thank you for the cot and everything. It’s been helpful.”

“It’s no problem, but you’re welcome,” Anna smiled and Sam finally walked away.

Sam went towards the elevator, running his fingers through his hair. It was longer than he typically kept it, his hair grew quick and he hadn’t gotten it cut in a long time now. 

Sam walked through the lobby, the weight on his shoulders already leaving as he saw the exit of the hospital. He needed to get out. He had spent far too much time in this place. 

Sam quickly jogged towards the bar, ready to be somewhere alive. All of his emotions had been bottled up in that gloomy building. All he had with him was the constant reminder of how hurt his brother was, and how much his brother had gone through. 

Sam walked into the bar, glancing around at the people around him. 

He smiled as he inhaled a waft of smoke and heard a loud laugh erupt from the man who originally made the smoke. This is what he needed. He needed a break. He needed to let loose and forget. 

Sam walked up to the bar and sat down at a stool. 

“I’ll take a Kentucky Whiskey please,” Sam said, and the bartender nodded. Sam watched as the man walked away. Sam was starting to question why he was here in the first place. Every part of him wanted to be with his brother, but every part of him wanted to run away from his brother. He was scared of everything that had suddenly changed. 

He normally looked up to his brother as a hero, but now he realized his brother was just a broken man. The thought crushed Sam. He wanted to believe that Dean would just get up and be okay and show how strong he is. But it wasn’t going to happen.

The bartender set down Sam’s whiskey and Sam smiled to the man in a thank you. 

He immediately took a sip, needing to drown it all away.

He wanted to get shitfaced. That’s all he knew he needed to do. Was to get so drunk he wouldn’t even remember the night. 

Sam took another sip, this one far longer than the last. The whiskey here actually wasn’t cheap and Sam felt the burn as the alcohol slid down his throat. Normally he never felt a burn but he was happy he was feeling it right now. He needed to feel something other than pure disgust and pain. The thought of what their father had done to Dean disgusted him to a level Sam never even thought was possible.

Sam shot the rest of the glass down, the bartender came back over and Sam just held his glass out. 

Their father treated Sam like he was some piece of ass just to be passed around. After all the time Sam had had to sit and think in the hospital he started to realize why so many little odd things got Dean so mad sometimes. 

Sam always noticed how when they were hunting if someone would call him ‘pretty boy’ or ‘prince charming’, anything relating to his good looks Dean would get more violent than any other hunt. Sam never thought anything of it, but now it made sense. Sam couldn’t even think of how many men that have said that to Dean over the past years. All of the men that thought it was a compliment as they decided to just rape him. 

Sam saw that the bartender had already brought him another glass and he quickly shot it down. He winced with the burn that traveled down his throat, but he couldn’t care less. 

Sam stared at the empty glass in front of him, remembering the one time Sam and Dean were on a case and some pissed off biker in a bar had thrown a glass at Sam. Sam remembered how bad that had hurt when it sliced his cheek. How bad would a pistol to the back be?

Sam shook his head, his hands gripping through his hair as he leaned his head down. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. All of the rapes that Dean had gone through Sam could’ve helped if he paid more attention, but this one was different. Sam couldn’t have done anything. There’s nothing he can do now. He used to help Dean with his cuts or bruises, but now Sam just had to sit and do absolutely nothing.

The bartender brought Sam another drink, and Sam slowly swirled it in his glass. He wasn’t sure what he was doing here anymore. It was selfish of him to try and forget everything. Dean didn’t get the option to do it. Dean was going to have to remember every detail for the rest of his life. Sam shook his head, realizing how awful he was acting right now.

“Hey, I’m Clara,” A brunette smiled to Sam.

Sam looked by his side, seeing a girl slide into the barstool beside him. 

“I was gonna buy you a drink but I personally hate it if someone buys me a drink I don’t like,” Clara chuckled.

Sam smiled, his eyes glancing down to the table in slight embarrassment. She was pretty, and Sam thought she seemed nice. He was debating giving her a fake name and spitting fake bullshit, but he decided for once he might say some of the truth. 

“I’m Sam,” He smirked, taking a sip of his drink. 

He watched as she blushed and as her eyes landed everywhere but on Sam. 

Sam had noticed how when he smiled girls tended to do that sometimes, they would get all nervous. He always thought he had looked goofy when he smiled.

“Where are you from?” She asked, sipping her margarita.

“Kansas.” 

-

Sam pressed his lips against hers, his hands sliding up her back. He could feel her push her body as much as she could against his chest, and he didn’t even care. 

He had had way too many drinks with Clara. He had realized that once he was playing tic tac toe with her with toothpicks. He was going to leave her, but then he had realized going home with her would be a nice break.

“Sam, Sam,” She breathed in between kisses. Sam didn’t stop though. He pressed her against the door, his hand on her cheek.

She pulled away and Sam looked at her with his eyes hooded. 

She quickly unlocked the door and Sam immediately put his lips back on hers. He was wrapped into kissing her. It was like a drug. 

She hung her arms over his shoulders and kicked the door shut as they quickly walked through it. 

He slid one of his arms down her side and landed it right below her ass and on her thigh. He tugged up, gesturing for her to wrap her legs around his waist. When she didn’t do it Sam dropped his hand from her cheek and placed both of his hands on her ass and lifted up. 

She laughed in response and Sam carried her over to the counter as he kept kissing her.

Sam set her on the counter and he stepped back and began to take off his jacket. 

She did the same and ripped off her jacket and removed her shirt right after. 

Sam leaned in to kiss her, and as his hands slid up her stomach and then on her breasts and then back down she had managed to remove his shirt. 

He stood back and looked down at her. He could tell how ready she was. She was already red in the face and she was panting a bit. Sam couldn’t say he wasn’t either. 

He slowly tugged on her skirt, pulling it right off. She smiled and he slowly pushed her legs open. Sam had noticed how his waist met her countertop, so this place was perfect if she was okay with it.

“Wait,” Clara interrupted, “The couch.”

Sam just kissed her and picked her up, one arm around her back and the other hanging limply on the side. He knew how much that would get her by showing off his strength. 

He placed her on the couch and once again pushed her legs open. He could see the wet mark on her panties, and he smiled a bit. He pulled them down and once he had them off he tossed them behind him.

He was beginning to feel a little restricted in his jeans, but he wasn’t taking them off yet. He already knew how many scars he was showing off with his shirt off, but he knew she hadn’t noticed yet. 

Sam kissed his way down her collarbone, breasts, stomach, and then he kissed her inner thighs. 

He grabbed her waist and positioned her at a better angle, and then he leaned forward and pressed his mouth against hers, diving his tongue against hers. He slipped her bra off with his hand as he kissed her, finally ready to stop the foreplay. 

He pushed her legs up a bit and brought his head down. He began licking her clit, going straight for the sensitive areas. She quickly jolted back, her legs tightening up. He wanted to keep going, smiling as a few moans escaped from her. 

He spread her open a bit by sliding a finger or two in, and the noise that came out of her made his dick jolt in response. He kept going though, his hand now rubbing right on her g spot as his mouth worked wonders on her clit. 

His other hand had her knee secure, since her legs were shaking from everything he was doing. Sam felt as Clara’s body tightened up, and he leaned his shoulder against her other leg so she wouldn’t just suddenly slam her legs closed. 

Her fingers ran through his shaggy hair as he moaned through her orgasm, and Sam backed up. 

She sat up, looking down at his dick bulging in his pants. 

“You ready for those to come off?” She chuckled, referring to him hard in his jeans. He blushed but started to unbuckle them and then slid them off. Before Sam could make a move Clara put her hands on his chest and pushed him down onto the couch. Sam looked at her as she pulled his pants off all the way. She sat up, arranging herself over him. 

Sam looked at her as he slid his dick right into her. 

He threw his head back, the warm feeling traveling through him. Every thought just vanished from his mind. Every worry, doubt, and fear just disappeared as he grabbed onto Clara’s waist. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again, due to me being so bad at posting I would love to get one (maybe two) more chapters this week. So enjoy this piece from my writing binge tonight.

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

Sam stared at the clock in front of him. It was seven in the morning and Clara was still fast asleep on Sam’s bare chest. He thought it felt nice having her keeping him warm, but he needed to get back Dean. 

He didn’t regret what he had done. He needed a night to let everything off and just to relax. Sleeping with Clara was just that. 

Sam smiled to himself as he thought of how proud Dean would’ve been at the fact that Sam had gotten laid. 

Sam looked down to Clara, the small blanket that had been on the couch draped right below her shoulders. 

He slowly shifted his body around, and stopped once he heard her groan in response. 

“Hey,” Sam gently said, and he decided to sit up more, forcing her to move a bit.

“Hey,” She smiled as she looked up at him. She moved over, allowing Sam to get up. Sam got up, quickly picking up his boxers off of the floor and putting them back on. 

“I don’t care if you leave by the way,” She said, pulling the blanket up more.

Sam looked over at her as he tugged his jeans up.

“It was just a hookup,” She shrugged, laying back down on the couch. 

Sam smiled at her and slipped his shirt back on. 

“Thanks by the way,” Sam nodded at Clara. He knew she knew what he meant. She knew there was something wrong with him, and he was asking for what had happened. 

Sam walked into the kitchen and put on his kitchen, but he stopped when he saw a pot of coffee sitting on the counter, ready to be poured from the machine. Sam grabbed a mug that was on a rack beside it and poured a cup. He put a bit of cream in it and walked back to where Clara was on the couch. 

She reached up and grinned as she took the cup from his hands. “Thank you,” She chuckled, “Have a nice day Sam.”

“You too,” He said simply as he walked back to the door. He zipped up his jacket, slipped his shoes on, and closed the door behind him. Luckily Clara’s place was right next to the bar, so it was a quick walk back to the hospital. 

Sam began walking back and pulled out his phone. He saw that he had two voicemails from the same number. The number of the hospital.

Sam started to walk faster, growing nervous even though he knew it could be nothing.

Sam held his phone up and pressed play to the first voice mail. 

“Hello, this is Anna, the nurse. I was just calling since Dean woke up, and he seemed far more responsive than normal. I think it would be a really good idea if you came and talked to him.”

Sam shook his head, realizing maybe it wasn’t as bad as he thought it was. 

“Hey, Sam, this is Anna again. Two guys came in asking if Dean was here, but I lied and said he had been transported to some other hospital. They left but they didn’t seem like they were really here for him. Sorry to bother you, but I just, uh, well I thought it would be good if you knew.”

Sam jogged up to the front of the hospital. He hadn’t realized how quickly he had been walking as he was listening to the messages. Something was up. Dean was okay, but something didn’t seem right and Sam was about to find out what it was. 

Sam walked into the lobby and saw multiple police officers standing around with someone Sam recognized as the Chief of the Hospital. Sam had seen the man enough now to know who he was.

Sam snuck around, not wanting to be seen by cops in case they were here for an actual reason. 

Sam got into the stairway and went flying up two flights of stairs. 

He pushed the door open, being greeted by the floor he knew too well. He walked straight down the hall to Dean’s room and the nurses station. He needed to talk to Anna and Dean. 

As he drew closer to the nurses station he saw the crowd of police officers standing there and the yellow tape surrounding the desk area. He walked up, his face contorting in confusion.

His eyes finally landed on the sight the crowd was gawking at. He felt his blood run cold as he stared at Anna’s pale and blood splattered body on the ground. 

A small pool of blood was gathering around her head, and her eyes were just staring at the wall completely lifeless. 

Sam felt himself tear up. If he hadn’t been so selfish and left just to fuck some girl this probably never would’ve happened. Whoever attacked her would’ve backed down once Sam stood his ground. But he wasn’t here. 

Anna was too innocent to die the way she did, and Sam wasn’t going to forget that. A little voice in his head knew that sleeping with Clara was a bad idea. But how would he have known that this would happen.

Sam let out a shallow breath as he soon remembered the second voicemail she had left him. Two guys had come in looking for Dean, and she had lied to them. 

Sam felt anger and fear surge through his entire body. It was most likely Dean’s attackers. Nothing else made sense. 

Sam wiped the bit of tears off of his face, looking back to the scene in front of him.

Sam walked past the tape, surprised a police officer didn’t stop him. 

He walked down the hall and took a turn into Dean’s room.

“Hey,” Dean said, and Sam took notice of how Dean was sitting up.

“Hey,” Sam said, shocked that Dean was talking to him. He was aware that Dean’s moods were going to be all over the place, but he wasn’t expecting pure silence to this.

“We need to get out of here,” Dean said with pure seriousness.

“What? Dean, we can’t just leave yet,” Sam said. 

“I know lately I’ve been weird, and I can’t really explain it,” Dean shrugged, “I was talking to Anna last night and she said I’m gonna be like this. And I, I… I don’t really know what to do.”

“Okay,” Sam nodded, happy that Dean was aware that he wasn’t okay.

“One thing I do know is they know I’m here.”

“What?”

“Anna said two guys came in, it had to be them. Nothing else would make sense.” Dean said. 

Sam stared at his brother, he wasn’t sure what to say. Dean believed his rapists knew that Dean was here, and Sam believed him. He knew it could just be paranoia, but he knew he should just trust his brother on this.

Anna was dead, and only suspiciously of two guys coming and looking for Dean. Anna was obviously murdered, and Sam had a pretty good idea of who did it. He had no idea why, but it was the only answer that was making sense for him.

“Dean, I’m sorry,” Sam said to Dean, he didn’t know what to say, but he knew he could apologize to his brother. “I never should’ve left last night. I knew something could’ve happened, and even though you’re okay something could’ve gone horribly wrong.”

“Sam, you don’t need to do that. I’ve been acting all annoying and shitty anyways so it’s fine,” Dean said, shaking his head. 

Once again Sam was in shock with how his brother was just pushing away his pain like that.

“You have a reason to be hurt, I shouldn’t be running off, it’s as simple as that okay?” Sam slightly demanded, not wanting to have to hear Dean say how he’s fine.

“Okay,” Dean glanced over to the doorway, “Why are there so many cops?”

“Uh,” Sam took a moment, contemplating if he should just tell Dean what had happened. 

“We need to go, don't we?” Dean questioned. 

Sam looked at Dean, the sight of his brother still causing his heart to ache every time. Dean still looked far paler than he normally did, and the cuts on his face were still haunting every curve of Dean’s cheeks and jaw. 

His body still looked weak and tired, and Sam knew Dean wasn’t up for a big shift or long walk. It would hurt Dean’s body too much, but they couldn’t stay here any longer.

“Anna was killed last night,” Sam said, looking straight into Dean’s eyes.

Dean’s face fell back in shock, and his eyes looked down at his lap, “It was them. She lied to them about where I was. They probably killed her once they learned she was lying. God, if I had just told her to tell them where I was.”

“Hey! Hey!” Sam said urgently, “This isn’t your fault, it’s their fault. None of this happened to you. If I had been here I would’ve told her to do the same exact thing.”

Sam knew he wouldn’t have done that. He would’ve killed those bastards on the spot, but he needed Dean strong right now. They were going to have to get out of here, and Dean was going to have to push through the pain he was in.

Sam looked back to all of the cops in the hallway, he really wished they wouldn’t question them when they tried to leave. 

Dean stared at Sam and then sighed, “Are we gonna whine all day or are we gonna go?”

Sam raised his eyebrows and smiled a bit, he knew it wouldn’t last, but he missed this side of his brother. He knew Dean was just pretending and was acting like none of it had ever happened, but a part of Sam liked it like this. The other part knew one day him and Dean were actually going to have to face everything that had happened, but for now Dean and him would pretend that they were okay. 


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

Dean watched as Sam picked up some of their belongings that were scattered around his room. 

Dean was beginning to grow anxious about having to get up, but he knew he had to do it. He was going to have to get to the car, and then get to wherever they were going. 

A part of Dean wanted to question Sam about where he was last night, but Dean could recognize that smell from anywhere. The stench of booze and sex was oozing off of Sam, and Dean wasn’t going to hate on his brother for needing a break. 

He was aware of how he was acting, and he hated that he couldn’t just get over it. He had been going through this shit for years, but now just because some random guys attacked him and Sam found out he is starting to act like some broken victim. 

Dean knew that he could toughen up and forget about all of it, but it was so much harder than every other time. Sam looked at him with that pity in his eyes. Dean knew he would do the same, but every part of him wished that Sam would stop and just accept it.

“Where are we gonna go?”   
Sam looked over at Dean, not even sure how to answer the question. He thought about Clara and thought if she was a kind enough person to let him hide Dean at her place. He knew that would be putting Clara in way too much danger, and he thought against it.

“We can talk about it once we’re in the car,” Sam responded, debating how to give Dean an actual answer.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Dean shrugged. 

Sam stood up from his kneeling position and slung his backpack over his shoulder, “You think you can do crutches or should we do a wheelchair?”   
It killed Dean that Sam was aware of how bad Dean was hurting right now. The fact that Sam knew Dean couldn’t walk on his own made Dean feel so small. He hated it. But part of him was so thankful that he didn’t have to tell Sam how he was feeling.

“Crutches, easier to throw in the car and take with us,” Dean answered, knowing he needed to use a wheelchair, but not one part of him wanted to look that helpless. 

Sam was surprised at first that they were planning on stealing from a hospital, but Sam also couldn’t even care right now.

Sam grabbed the crutches from their place in the bathroom and walked back to Dean. He tossed Dean a pair of his own sweats and a t shirt. Sam was expecting Dean to make a comment on how he was going to be wearing Sam’s clothes but Dean just grabbed the t shirt and began to take off his gown. Sam looked away from Dean as Dean stripped in the bed. Sam saw the needles and tubes sticking into Dean and saw that he should take them out. 

As Dean slid the gown off Sam stepped forward and began to undo the tubes off of the machine. He knew he could just rip them out of Dean, but he had time so he was going to take them out the right way.

Sam glanced over to Dean as he pulled the IV out of the machine. Sam saw the bruises littering Dean’s stomach. He watched how stressed the breath Dean took looked. His brother still looked so broken everywhere. 

There were still bruises all over Dean’s neck and a few long, slender shaped markings imprinted on his shoulders. Dean’s chest burns from the concrete were practically healed, but Sam could still see the few parts that went deeper than everything else. 

Sam started working on another tube, but slowly stopped as he watched Dean leaned forwards to pull the sweats on. Sam felt his body go cold as he stared at the horrible cuts on his brothers back. His back had turned to a ghastly yellow with dark shades of pink scattered around the edges of each cut. Each cut looked like it was about to rip open from how delicate the healing was. Sam even noticed how some of the cuts had been stitched up. He noticed one area below Dean’s left shoulder blade, the cuts there had overlapped far too much were so deep Sam saw how there was still some recent blood marks on it. 

“It doesn’t hurt as bad as it looks,” Dean muttered as he tied the string on the sweats.

Sam quickly looked away, not able to wipe the image of the wounds from his mind. 

“That’s bullshit, Dean,” Sam quickly said as he pulled the tube out. Dean turned just a little bit to grab the crutches from where Sam had leaned them up. “No way that feels nice.”   
“I didn’t say it felt good,” Dean snapped. Sam watched as Dean winced while moving his legs to the side of the bed. 

Sam moved back, ready to help Dean if he needed it. 

Dean leaned on the crutches with his weak knee while his strong leg pushed him up. Sam flinched as he watched the small flash of pain shoot across Dean’s face, but he remained standing where he was. 

Sam put his bag over his shoulders and looked back to Dean, “You good?”

“I’m good,” Dean said reassuringly, and Sam could tell that was for the both of them to hear. 

Sam trailed behind Dean as he slowly made his way through the room, but Sam was quickly impressed when Dean started to go even faster with the crutches once they reached the door. Sam noticed how Dean was barely letting his bad leg hit the ground. 

Sam was praying no one would find them, or that they would run into their normal Winchester luck. He had no idea what he would do if they had to run somewhere. 

“I was thinking we could go to Bobby’s,” Sam offered, not sure on how Dean was going to react. 

“No, that’s not far enough away,” Dean shook his head. Sam looked ahead at all of the police still around where Anna’s body was. 

“Let’s walk the other way,” Sam said, gently steering Dean the opposite way.

Sam was curious how far away Dean wanted to get from this place. Apparently almost twenty hours away wasn’t good enough. Sam understood. 

He thought back to when he had found Dean and how the Impala had been keyed up and the window was smashed through. He had forgotten to tell Dean after everything that had happened. He knew despite the circumstance Dean would still be pissed, and Sam felt sick since that thought gave him a small ounce of hope. 

“Let’s get on the coast, we can hang off of the grid for a bit,” Sam offered. 

Sam and Dean walked into the elevator and Sam pressed the button for the lobby.

“Yeah, we can find some cheap motel or even some empty house or something,” Dean agreed, “I want to find out who they are.”

Sam looked over to Dean as he spoke to Sam, “I need to know if they knew who I was.”

Sam lightly nodded, emotions washing over him. He couldn’t even begin to understand everything his brother had been going through after dealing with this act and John being thrown upon him so suddenly. 

“How does South Carolina sound?” Sam asked.

Dean stared at the doors, and then he nodded, “Sounds good to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter, or the one after that will have another little twist. If you guys would rather have a brother filler chapter or bigger plot one let me know, but for now enjoy!


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

Sam looked at the rearview mirror to see Dean fast asleep with his arm draped over his stomach. Sam could already tell how Dean was improving mentally after they left the hospital. 

His brother had been struggling to stay calm the first few hours, but once Sam had convinced him to take a breath he saw as Dean finally realized what they were fully doing.

Back in the hospital when Sam had offered to go to South Carolina and Dean automatically said yes. Sam was shocked with it, but he was happy with an answer. Once Sam had started to drive though, it was a whole new story. Dean started to question everything they were doing, and he was rambling on how easy it would be to track them. 

Sam knew what he was doing though. This was a hideout Sam had gone to once with Dean and their father when they were about ten or so. Sam was pretty sure Dean didn’t remember it since he was hunting the entire time, but Sam was stuck inside the fun beach house, not able to go anywhere. 

No one knew that this old abandoned beach house had anything to do with the two of them. It had belonged to their mother’s mother a while ago, but one day they just left it as a secret hideout. Sam had never been so thankful for his weird hunter life than that moment. 

He knew it took Dean a little while to understand why they were going to South Carolina, since back in the hospital he was just eager to get away from his rapists. 

Sam took a breath, feeling as if things could take a turn for the better as they stayed in this house. It would give the two of them some time to reconnect and let Sam try to help his brother through this time. 

Sam still had no idea what he was even supposed to do to help Dean, but he was going to try his hardest. 

Sam looked down to see his phone buzzing in the cupholder again, and he glanced up to the road before picking it up. 

He saw that it was Bobby, again. Bobby had been calling him almost every hour. Sam had answered him once saying how they were leaving somewhere safe, and he would promise to let him know how they were doing. He wasn’t going to say a word of their location though. He wasn’t going to risk Dean’s attackers finding them. He planned on finding out who these sick bastards were during their little hideout. He still didn’t believe that they’re human. It just didn’t make sense to Sam, he couldn’t understand why they would care so much. 

He heard Dean grunt from the backseat and he looked back in the rearview mirror to see Dean slowly waking up. 

Sam glanced outside and saw palm trees flying by the window, and for some reason the sight of the tree sent a feeling of dread and guilt to his stomach. He wondered how quickly a palm tree could burn, since the leaves looked so dry and perfect for flames to lick. He came back from his moment and shook the weird feeling off and decided to think that it was just him being scared.

“We’re close?” Dean asked, and Sam winced as he heard Dean’s breath hitch as he tried to sit up. He knew his brother was better than he was a week ago, but Dean was still so broken and he wasn’t about to admit it. 

“Yeah, we should make it there around eleven if we don’t stop.”   
It was about eight at night now, so they were actually making good time.

Sam took a deep breath and he started to feel the awkward creeping of silence dawning on the two brothers. Questions were swarming through Sam’s mind, making him itch. But he wasn’t going to ask Dean any of them unless Dean started the conversation. 

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked. Or maybe he could just push Dean in the right direction.

“Fine,” Dean grumbled, grabbing his water off of the floor. “Do we have any advil left?”   
Sam reached over into the passenger seat and grabbed the bottle of pills and reached behind to hand it to Dean. Anytime Dean woke up he asked for it, or he just took it. 

“Maybe when we’re here we can get you a heavier prescription,” Sam offered.

“No, they’ll put me back in the hospital.”

“It’s not gonna be like the other one.”   
“Yeah, I know.”   
Sam shot a look at Dean through the mirror, and all he saw was Dean blankly staring out the window.

“You know Bobby is probably flipping his shit right now,” Dean said.

“Yeah well he can live with it,” Sam said with a bit of a snippy tone.

“Dude, stop,” Dean stated, “Don’t be mad at him cause of what Dad did.”

“Kinda hard not to,” Sam mumbled.

Dean scoffed, “If you didn’t know what happened Bobby would be the only one helping me. That was the way it used to be and it was easier like that.”   
“It made it easier since you don’t want to talk about it and-”

“And I knew you would never shut up about it.” Dean interrupted.

“Yeah cause I care about you! You’re gonna pretend this never happened like you try to forget everything else,” Sam said aggressively. 

“Why don’t you just say it Sam? You keep saying ‘this’, ‘everything else’,” Dean said. Sam felt his blood go cold as he heard the sudden change in his brother’s voice. It was something Sam was not familiar nor comfortable with. It sounded like it was bearing pain and Sam was beginning to regret pushing Dean so rudely. “There’s a reason I don’t talk about everything with you. You don’t want to hear all of it. Hell, neither would I. But you keep pushing for something you don’t want to hear.”

“I want to help you Dean,” Sam sighed, “You just shut everyone out and act like you know what’s best for you.”   
Dean let out an amused scoff, “I know that if I told you you would never look at me the same. If I told you all the men that I’ve fucked. What I felt, what I saw. You would look at me like I’m suddenly different or damaged.”

Sam didn’t know what to say, scared of what Dean was going to say if he did talk back. 

“You already look at me like I don’t know how to handle myself. I’ve been doing it long enough, so lay off,” Dean said. But Sam could hear the layers of hurt in Dean’s words.

“You’re not okay, Dean,” Sam quietly said, “Why do you think I’m driving us all the way out to some beach house? For us to take a vacation? You need help Dean. You keep pushing every little thing away.”   
Sam was waiting for Dean to respond once again, but there was nothing. 

Sam thought about looking in the mirror to stare back at his brother, but he decided against it. 

“I,” Dean hesitated, and Sam was nearly about to curse. He was so ready to hear what his brother had to say. 

“I wanted to tell you, ya know,” Dean mumbled, “I never knew how. And I still don’t.”   
“You told me in the hospital.”   
Sam thought back to the other night when Dean told Sam about when he was tied up in the woods and how Bobby had brought him to the hospital afterwards. He was in the woods for over half a day. Or how he thought back on the night of Dean’s birthday. Or the small horrific details Sam had learned about on Dean’s recent rape. 

“I was drugged up and barely remember what I said,” Dean said agitated.

Sam thought back on how Dean was telling him that when the group of men tied him up between two trees, he was only scared because he couldn’t see behind him. Not one worry of why he was like that. How they left him strung up and helpless and used for hours. He was only a kid. He practically still is. 

“Can we just talk about this later?” Dean huffed, “I’m tired right now, okay?”   
Sam nodded, respecting what Dean was asking of him. 

They were going to get there soon, and Sam had a heavy feeling that his brother was actually planning on telling Sam something. More than what he can handle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for how long it's been taking me to write this. I think I'm gonna set a straight plan and try to follow out with it, but let me know if there's anything you guys would like to see happen or any requests maybe!


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

Dean stared at the ceiling above him. The popcorn texture staring right back at him. He had been staring at it for so long he was starting to expect it to move. He had been doing this every morning. Just staring into the soulless white sheet in front of him. 

He was dreading the attempt of getting up. Every morning his body ached horribly. All he wanted to do was crumple on the ground and let the pain mold into him. Dissolve into his blood so he could function with it. 

Instead it was this prodding sensation that never went away, no matter how much medication he tried to dull it with. 

He sighed and looked over to his night stand. He had his crutches propped up on it. At the beginning of the week he had set the crutches at the foot of the bed, but Dean soon realized that was far too much effort for him. 

He started to sit up, and so many different parts of him screamed at him to stop.

Dean knew the pain wouldn’t kill him, but it fucking hurt.

“Ah, shit,” Dean hissed, as he moved his hips too quickly. His back flared up in response and Dean bit down on his lip to keep from cursing. He took a deep breath and slowly turned his body so his feet were on the way to the ground. 

He reached over and grabbed one of the crutches, wincing as his back whined at him in retaliation. He began to sit up and his knee felt like it was on fire, but Dean kept standing up, trying to lean most of his weight onto the crutch.

He didn’t want to use the crutch at first but he realized if he used them the quicker his knee would heal. Dean wasn’t a complete idiot. He knew how lucky he was for his knee not being completely busted. Getting shot in the knee is not something he had typically expected to be able to walk away from. 

He had also come to the conclusion that it made his shoulder feel better. It had gotten roughed up a bit, but Dean could tell that was back to normal for his standards. 

And god, did it make his ass feel so much better. He thought it was weird at first when he noticed how the throbbing burn wasn’t as prominent when he used the crutches, but now he was gracious for it. Dean had lived with his fair share of injuries down there, but these two assholes messed him up pretty good. 

“Hey,” Dean heard a soft knock on his door and he was thrown out of his trance. He wasn’t sure how long he was standing there just waiting to move, but he was thankful Sam got him out of it.

“You up, yet?” Sam said, a bit quieter than before.

“Yeah.”   
“I made breakfast, so get down before it gets cold,” Sam joked, and Dean paused as he heard his brother's footsteps slowly dissolve. 

Dean glanced over to the door, knowing he wanted Sam’s help. But he wasn’t going to ask for it. 

Dean finally put his weight down on the crutch and took his first step. He let out a hitched breath but he kept moving. He limped his way across the room, reaching the door. 

He moved his hand from the crutch and opened up the door, leaning so it wouldn’t hit him.

He could smell something in the air, but he had no idea what it was. Sam had gone out and bought all healthy things so Dean could heal better. He kept saying the grease Dean normally ate was not going to make his healing process any better. 

Dean wasn’t complaining, so far everything his brother had made for him he loved. 

“Good morning,” Sam smiled, a mouthful of food in his mouth already.

“Classy,” Dean grumbled, slowly taking a seat at the island. Dean looked at the bowl in front of him and saw some rice, avocado, bean, and corn mix in front of him. Sam slid a bottle of sriracha across the counter, offering it to Dean. 

Dean looked over to Sam, trying to see if he could read his brother's face. 

Sam had been acting very careful around Dean lately, and Dean was getting fed up about it. It was making Dean feel all tight and nervous. He felt as if he was being watched and forced to act normal. He enjoyed himself when him and Sam would just sit on the swings at night on the porch, just talking about meaningless topics. 

But he could tell Sam was about to snap and bring it all up again. There was a reason Dean had hidden everything that had happened. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t even want to think about it either. And the second Sam found out, Dean knew there would be no end to it. Sam was going to try and shelter Dean for as long as he could. Dean had avoided that for years, but because of one incident everything got thrown on the table. 

Dean had no idea how to just push past it and forget about it. He knew Sam wasn’t going to let that happen. Sam was going to fight it out of Dean until Dean was going to burst on his own. 

Dean went to grab his crutch, but Sam took Dean’s bowl out of his hand before Dean could even try to get up. Sam had been acting like a watchdog, but Dean knew he would be doing the same exact thing. 

“Can you get the meds?” Dean asked, watching as Sam turned around and set the bowls in the sink.

Dean knew the meds weren’t going to do much, he was just desperate for something to dull the pain that was haunting him.

Sam set the meds in front of Dean, and Dean saw the question sitting on his brother's lips. 

“I don’t feel better yet,” Dean answered for Sam, “My knee still hurts, but my shoulder is good.”   
“How about your back?” Sam quickly asked.

Dean had seen his own back just a few days ago. It felt just as bad as it looked. The bruises had finally dimmed, but the gashes littering his back were everywhere. And every single one felt like a constant pour of pain was being dropped into it. 

“It’s fine,” Dean said, making sure to not look Sam in the eyes. No matter how tough Dean tried to act his brother’s puppy eyes always made him cave.

Sam scoffed, shaking his head. “I need to go to the store and get some stuff, I’ll be back in an hour.”   
“Alright,” Dean responded. He watched as Sam left the kitchen and he heard Sam walk over to the living area.

Dean shifted to ask Sam if he could get some beer, but he felt a sharp pain travel up his spine and his body shuttered in response. He decided not to ask, since he was afraid of if he tried to speak his voice would crack.

-

Dean sat in the swing, gently swaying with the calm win pushing his chair. He stared at the smooth brown liquid in the bottle before him. He had found it in a cabinet while looking for his meds. Sam either hid it, or the person who was here last left it. Dean was pretty confident it wasn’t Sam’s, since bourbon wasn’t his brother's go to.

Dean heard the Impala purr into the driveway and he felt a small smile on the corner of his lips. 

His brother had been pleading for him to tell the stories of what he had gone through, and Dean felt like his brother needed to know. Sam needed to know some more stories so he would stop asking every little detail.

“Hey, what are you doing out here?” Sam asked, but he slowly stopped walking as he saw the drunken look on Dean. He glanced down to the bottle in his brother's hand and he gently set the grocery bags down onto the porch. 

Sam reached to grab the bottle from Dean’s hand but Dean swatted him away. 

“You remember Jason?” Dean asked, looking Sam dead in the eyes.

“Dean, stop, you don’t want to talk about this right now,” Sam sighed, feeling guilty of how Dean was going to talk to him. He wanted to hear what Dean had to say, but not while Dean was drunk. It was barely noon and Dean was trashed. 

“Can you sit down? You’re being weird,” Dean mumbled, gesturing to the other chair right across the swing Dean was in. 

Sam just hung his head and decided to listen. He wanted to know, and this was probably the only way he was going to learn. 

“Do you remember Jason?” Dean asked once again, taking a small sip of the bourbon.

“Yeah, can I have some of that?” Sam asked, and he leaned forwards. Dean handed his brother the drink, and Sam felt relief that Dean no longer had the drink in his possession. 

“Jason and his dad James, right?” Sam asked, trying to read Dean’s face.

“Yeah, when you and I got stuck with Jason and his brother at Bobby’s,” Dean vaguely said. 

Sam thought back, remembering Jason’s brother Travis. Travis was the same age as Sam, making them both thirteen, but Dean had been seventeen. Jason was twenty. 

“He didn’t,” Sam slowly stopped, not wanting to accept it. Dean and Jason had gotten along so well, he thought Dean was still helping Jason if he had a tough case. 

“No, no, no, no,” Dean shook his head, small smile on his face, “It wasn’t like that.”

-

_ “Jason! Just give me my shirt back!” Dean shouted, running after Jason as Jason bolted down the stairs. Dean ran through the kitchen, trying to make sure he didn’t slip. _

_ “Dean! Careful!” Bobby snapped as Dean nearly bumped into him as he chased Jason out the door. He knew how childish he looked, but this was what him and Jason always did. Some sort of annoying teasing. Dean pushed the door open, watching Jason run off towards the garage. Dean shook his head, slowly his pace down as he jogged over.  _

_ He saw his father and Jason’s father talking together out near all of the junk cars.  _

_ Dean approached the garage and he slipped in through the open doors.  _

_ “Took you long enough,” Jason shook his head, grabbing a beer from the cooler. He tossed one over to Dean, Dean’s hand still clutched in Jason’s other hand.  _

_ Dean caught the beer, popping the can open. Jason threw Dean’s shirt onto a chair sitting beside the cooler, flopping onto an old mattress just laying on the floor.  _

_ Dean glanced at Jason’s tan stomach, the dark skin perfectly capturing Jason’s light abs. Dean looked away, not wanting to seem weird.  _

_ “Apparently my Dad and I are leaving soon, I think he wants to leave Travis here when we go,” Jason sighed, sitting up. Dean looked right back down at Jason’s chest, trying not to look any lower.  _

_ “How long will you be gone?” Dean asked, walking over to wear his crumpled shirt was sitting. He put his shirt on, noticing the slight smell of Jason’s cologne now on his shirt. _

_ “Don’t know, a week or two,” Jason shrugged, “We never really know.” _ _   
_ _ “You think? There have been times my Dad says he’ll be home in a few days and it turns into a few weeks,” Dean shook his head, sitting down in the chair.  _

_ “Yeah, it’s fucking annoying,” Jason chuckled, “Can you imagine if we could just leave? Never have to hunt again?” _ _   
_ _ Dean noticed Jason’s choice in saying we, and he decided to pick on it, “We?” _

_ “Well,” Jason looked right at Dean now, “Yeah. Us and our brothers, just gone. No shitty dads following us around. Who else do you think I’d choose?” _ _   
_ _ Dean smiled, “Good point.” _ _   
_ _ “You got someone else in mind or something? Jason laughed. _

_ “No,” Dean said, looking up to Jason. Dean saw Jason stare back at him, and all Dean could hear was his own heart thudding into his head. It was wrong. Jason was three years older than him.  _

_ Dean quickly got up, walking to the fridge and cabinet space that was next to the mattress Jason was sitting on. He opened the cabinet, mindlessly looking for something to eat. He wasn’t hungry; he was just trying to get out of this moment with Jason.  _

_ He had thought Jason was good looking for a while now, but he was never going to say it. He had been with so many men, and the thought of being with another one made him feel sick. He could only remember all of the nights of pain and sweat that he had been through.  _

_ He knew Jason wasn’t like that, but he also thought it was fucked for him to be liking men after what he had gone through. He had kissed girls before too, yet here he was wanting Jason.  _

_ Jason was captivating with his perfectly tan skin and dark brown hair. His eyes were light brown, a stunning hazel in the sun. Him and Dean were about the same height, Dean was just an inch or two taller than Jason. Dean knew he had a stronger build than Jason though. Jason’s whole family was thinner than Dean’s.  _

_ Dean gasped as he felt a hand gently pull on his waist. He felt a warm breath right below his ear, and a shudder traveled down his back, but it wasn’t out of disgust. _

_ “Tell me if you want me to stop,” Jason whispered into Dean’s neck, slowly opening his mouth against Dean’s skin.  _

_ Dean let out a shallow breath, not sure what to think. He knew he wanted this, but every feeling he had ever experienced like this flooded his brain. All he saw were older men sweating over Dean’s tired body, and he felt a lump in his throat as he thought about it.  _

_ “Dean,” Jason said, slowly turning Dean around to face him. Dean’s back was pressed against the fridge now, Jason staring right at him. “It’s okay.” _ _   
_ _ “I know,” Dean said, knowing he wanted this. He didn’t want it to stop, his mind was just clouded over.  _

_ Jason put his hands at the bottom of Dean’s shirt, lifting it up. Dean froze, knowing Jason would see all the bruises and scars Dean had from all of the men that had fucked him. He couldn’t help but worry that Jason was going to do the same thing. Dean watched as Jason pulled Dean’s shirt off, doing the same to his own.  _

_ Dean noticed how Jason looked down at Dean’s bruised chest and abs, his shoulders littered with small bruises. But Jason didn’t say anything. Dean looked at Jason’s skin more closely and saw all the scars and bruises he had as well. Dean wanted to laugh as his nerves disappeared. Him and Jason were hunters, Jason wasn’t going to question anything on Dean.  _

_ Dean looked at Jason with excitement. He put his hands on Jason’s waist and pulled him in for a kiss. Jason quickly put a hand on the fridge and his other hand slid down to Dean’s waistband. Dean slipped his tongue in between Jason’s thin lips, feeling a small noise come from Jason.  _

_ Dean moved his hand to the front of Jason’s pants, and he felt his own body get hot as he felt Jason’s growing boner in his hands.  _

_ He closed his eyes and saw an image of a man looking down at him, his huge cock slapping Dean’s cheek.  _

_ Dean pushed it away, not wanting to think of it, wanting to forget about it. He didn’t want to be haunted by all of them. He wanted to have Jason.  _

_ Jason pulled away, grinning at Dean. He slowly kneeled down, kissing his way down Dean’s chest.  _

_ Well, no one had ever done that to Dean. Dean watched as Jason slipped Dean’s pants off, revealing the tent in his boxers.  _

_ “I had a feeling you would be packing,” Jason laughed as he gently pulled Dean’s boxers down. Dean lightly gasped as the colder air hit his hard dick.  _

_ Dean was surprised he was even hard right now. Anytime he had tried he wasn’t able to.  _

_ Jason put a hand around the base of Dean, causing him to part his mouth open in want. Jason quickly put his lips over Dean’s cock, starting to move at a good pace.  _

_ Dean threw his head back against the fridge, trying not to moan. A few escaped his pink lips, but he forced most back down. When he did that they came out as small groans of pleasure.  _

_ Jason stopped for a second, taking a break. He looked up to Dean, seeing how into it Dean was it only drove Jason on. Jason began to circle his tongue around and try to suck a bit harder.  _

_ Dean could feel his legs shaking, the pressure of trying to stand was growing too hard. He put his hand in Jason’s messy brown hair, grabbing a small fistful.  _

_ After a few minutes Dean could feel himself getting closer, his dick feeling burning hot. Jason let out a small moan onto Dean’s cock, the vibration killing Dean.  _

_ Dean felt himself cum, a moan ripping through his squeezed tight lips. His body loosened up from the tight hold it had taken. He took heavy breaths as he watched Jason spit some of Dean’s cum out onto the ground.  _

_ Dean laughed, the pleasure still rolling around his groin. Jason stood up, kissing Dean’s shoulder, most likely giving him a few hickeys. _

_ “Alright, it’s your turn,” Dean smirked, turning Jason around.  _

_ - _

“Well,” Sam said, his eyes wide. He didn’t need to know that him and Jason had ever done it, but he was glad his brother was telling him something.

“I told you Jason wasn’t like that,” Dean lightly shook his head, thinking back to him and Jason on that day. “But James was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took longer than expected but I felt bad for how the last chapters have been, so I made sure this one was longer than the last, but this chapter hit the spot for me.


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE**

Sam felt his body go cold as he heard that chilling fact. One of his best friends' father had molested Dean when he was only seventeen.

“Why would James ever do that?” Sam asked with complete shock in his voice. Travis and Jason had been so nice, and James had always seemed simple but kind. Apparently Sam was wrong. 

“You would be surprised what kind of people would pay to fuck a pair of pretty lips and a nice ass,” Dean simply said, not even phased by what he had just said. Sam on the other was in fear from what his brother had said. Dean spoke so carelessly of himself. Sam had always noticed it, but now that he knew what Dean was going through he was scared of how little Dean thought of himself. He knew it was the years of abuse Dean had gone through, but Sam knew how hard it was going to be for him to show Dean that he was good. 

“Dean,” Sam started, but he was cut off by Dean’s aggressive tone. 

“Oh, shut up with your bullshit. You’re gonna say something about how I didn’t deserve it or how it’s not my fault,” Dean snapped, glaring at Sam, “If not it’s not my fault how did I end up in someone else's bed every night? If I didn’t deserve all of it, tell me why I got all those bruises every night? I did it to myself, alright? You hate Dad for it, but I also could’ve gotten over it and stood up for myself if I didn’t like it.” 

Sam wanted to say something, but he heard how rushed Dean’s voice was getting. Dean had his eyebrows scrunched up, and Sam could tell Dean was just generally talking, he wasn’t directing it to Sam anymore. 

“I asked for it. I’ve fucked up before.”    
Sam couldn’t really tell what Dean was saying, but he felt as if Dean was saying it was a way of karma. 

“And what James did was different,” Dean mumbled. 

Sam was about to tell Dean how disurbed he was acting, but Dean quickly explained himself.

“Me and Jason spent the rest of the day in the garage, and we only went out to get some food around lunch,” Dean said, “But when we went out I saw that James was looking at Jason with pure anger on his face. At the time I was confused but later that night Jason told me that James wanted to leave right now. So they left.”   
Sam nodded along, remembering how mad he got when Travis was gone in the morning. He wasn’t sure if Travis had ever said goodbye. 

Dean shook his head with a small smile on his face. But his eyes looked scared and hurt as he tried to smile, “But the son of a bitch got me. Middle of the night he comes in my room, saying I’m a cockslut and I’m just some faggot that seduced his son.” Dean’s voice was seconds from breaking and he took in a deep breath, the memories feeling too real. 

Sam went cold, knowing what Dean was saying. The man accused Dean of sleeping with Jason, but raped Dean right after. It was disturbed and fucked up. 

“Did Dad tell him to?” Sam asked, not sure what to say. Sam wanted to talk about the fact that Dean and Jason had had a thing, but he knew that wasn’t the point. He had never thought of Dean to be bi or gay, but he also had no care if his brother was. 

“No,” Dean said, turning his face to Sam. “It was all James, just thinking I was some whore.”   
Sam felt tears surge to his eyes but he blinked them away. The look on Dean’s face was haunting. The lack of care Dean had for himself was so clear when he said those words. The complete loss of emotion on Dean’s face. He didn’t care. 

Sam knew Dean was hurting, but he felt as if Dean didn’t even see the wrong in what had happened. 

“It was like when those guys got me at the bar,” Dean shrugged, but Sam noticed something in Dean as he spoke. Sam saw how depressed and hurt Dean sounded when he talked about his recent rape. Sam wasn’t sure if it was because of how new it was, or that Dean can finally see how messed up this all is. “They just saw me as a fuck buddy.”   
Dean laughed, hanging his head down as he did. 

Sam debated if he should say something to his brother, try to get the haunting laughter to stop. 

“Dean, that’s not what you are,” Sam gently said, “Dad sold you. You couldn’t have done anything to stop it. And what happened to you at the bar could’ve happened to anyone. They were pieces of shit. You had nothing to do with it.”   
“They shot me when I tried to fight back,” Dean said, and he brought his head back up. “They beat me with a pistol.”   
Sam saw tears slowly slip from Dean’s eyes, “I wasn’t sure why they were doing it. I thought at first maybe it was the hunt. And then one of them said my name and slipped off my belt. They knew me.”   
“Dean, you don’t have to tell me,” Sam tried to warn Dean before Dean said something he would regret.

“And then I realized what was going to happen. And it was fucking painful. Most of the time, those, those sick fucks at least give me a moment. They don’t beat me to death and then decide to fuck me,” Dean was crying now, his voice shaking. He was staring mindlessly off towards the beach. 

Dean’s shoulder’s shook as he spoke, “It hurt so bad, Sam.”   
Sam felt his own tears go down his face as he listened to his hurt brother. 

“It made me puke it was so bad,” Dean shook his head, tears now streaming down his face.

Dean went into a sudden coughing fit, hanging his head back down. Sam watched as the coughing stopped and Dean’s shoulders slowly shaked as he cried.

“Everyday I think about it,” Dean quietly said, “I thought that I would eventually forget, but I remember every single time.”

Sam wanted to help his brother, tell him it was going to be okay. That Dean was worth something. But he knew there was nothing he could do right now. He was going to have to help Dean to live with this. He couldn’t make Dean magically forget everything that had ever happened. 

“I’m scared, Sam,” Dean whispered, looking at Sam, “It’s never gonna stop.”   
“Hey, c’mon no,” Sam said, wiping away his own tears, “I promise to you that this will never happen again.”

Dean didn’t look like he believed Sam at all and that killed Sam even more. “I know I wasn’t there for you in the beginning, but I’m here now. And I’m going to do everything in my power to help you, Dean.”   
Dean looked at Sam, his eyes numb with emotion. “I don’t know.”

Sam stared at Dean, wondering where his tough heroic brother finally broke. When he decided to just cover it up with a smile and jokes. When Dean’s happiness shattered and his hope slowly disappeared. Sam wanted to know, and wished he could’ve helped his brother back when it would’ve made a difference. Dean had been going through this for so long, Sam knew deep down there wasn’t much he could do to help Dean.

All he knew he could do was listen to whatever his brother had to say, and then try to erase whatever damaging thoughts had been placed into Dean’s mind. Sam was going to get his brother out of this pit if it was the last thing he did. And he was going to kill their father if he ever saw that man again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally have a plan for the next few chapters so I won't be so awful at posting, sorry for how long I take!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Just a little trigger warning I guess, mentions of suicide are in this chapter.

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO**

Sam stepped into the grocery store, staring at all of the people standing around him. He had always felt nervous going to big stores like this. He felt on edge being surrounded by hundreds of people who have no idea what he has gone through. Their biggest concern was if their favorite type of pasta or yogurt was in stock. Sam didn’t want to hate them, but he felt so jealous of them. The only reason why Sam was here was he needed to get Dean’s prescription and some food, but this was the only place that had Dean’s meds. 

After a few days ago when Dean opened up to Sam again he also started talking to Sam again. The next day Dean just talked to Sam like there was nothing different going on. Sam wasn’t sure, but he believed that his brother needed one big break down. Sam knew Dean wasn’t okay, but he was slowly getting better. Him feeling comfortable made Sam feel so successful with the progress Dean had already gained. 

So when Sam asked Dean how his knee had been feeling and Dean said he had been taking more pills than he was supposed to. Sam knew his brother needed more, Dean never complained about pain. 

Sam was going to get some of Dean’s prescription and he was going to get some regular pain killers. He knew he would want them if he was in Dean’s place. 

Sam walked through the store, grabbing some food they had run out of, and he glanced over to the beer aisle. He slowly stopped, realizing Dean could probably have some now. After Dean had gotten drunk on the little alcohol they had Sam refused to buy anymore. A beer a day wouldn’t hurt Dean any more than he already is. 

Sam walked down and grabbed two six packs of beer and put them in his basket. He was ready to leave this place already. He quickly walked over to the miniature pharmacy, making eye contact with the man behind the counter. 

Sam set down his basket and smiled at the man as he grabbed his wallet from his jacket. 

“Hello,” The pharmacist smiled. 

“Hi,” Sam said, he set Dean’s prescription on the counter and looked back up at the man, “I know it’s not time yet, but he’s in a lot of pain. It’s for my brother.”

The man read the prescription, nodding as he read the different medications. Sam had read it already, he had no idea what any of it was. 

“I’m not sure if I can, this is some pretty heavy meds he’s taking,” Sam could tell the man felt bad, so Sam wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

“He’s been through a lot, his knee was shot and his shoulder is torn up,” Sam gently said.

“He was shot?” The pharmacist questioned. 

“Yeah, he’s in the army and they sent him back home,” Sam lied. He felt awful for lying to this nice guy, but he knew his brother really needed this stuff. 

“That’s awful,” The man sighed, “What do you do?”   
“Oh, I’m in the FBI,” Sam shrugged like it was nothing. He grabbed his fake ID from his wallet and showed it to the man. He looked impressed, clearly believing Sam. 

“Wow, you and your brother sure are some outstanding citizens,” The man shook his head, “Alright, I’ll let you get it. Tell your brother he’s a fantastic man.”

Sam nodded, “I will.”

The man left to go get the medications and Sam released a sigh. 

Sam felt sick for lying, but he also weirdly couldn’t care. He knew it was for a good reason. Dean was in pain all the time. 

The man came back, handing Sam the meds and Sam handed him the money, and he noticed how the man had given Sam a discount. 

Now he felt a little worse.

Sam said goodbye to the man and decided he was ready to leave. He grabbed his basket and walked up to the register. He was out in a minute, he barely had anything. 

As Sam walked towards the exit of the store he realized how bad the storm outside had gotten. There were possible hurricane warnings earlier that morning, but Sam thought it would be okay.

He quickly ran to the car, gripping his bags as the rain soaked every inch of his body. He quickly slid into the car, taking a breath as he stared at the sight in front of him. The palm trees in front of him were being whipped around from the hellish winds. The dark clouds looked as black as coffee, and they somehow looked mad. 

Sam was a little nervous to drive through it, but he knew he wasn’t just going to camp out in some grocery store parking lot. 

Sam jumped as he saw a white flash blind his vision. He faintly saw a crack of lightning connect to one lone palm tree only a few hundred feet in front of him. A loud thunder rolled through the sky as Sam stared at the burning palm tree. 

Sam felt a sharp knife slice through his head and he groaned in pain. He saw a flash of the palm tree on fire, and then he saw broken glass with blood shattered on the ground. 

Sam came back from his vision, gripping his head. He knew it wasn’t done. He slowly slumped in his seat as the pain grew stronger, causing him to cry out. 

The tree on fire. Shattered glass. Blood dripping off of one shard. Groans of pain. A gun being tossed. Dean on the ground. 

Sam felt as if he was thrown back into the present. He immediately remembered how when they first arrived here. How sick he had felt from one palm tree. He thought of pain, and he imagined it on fire. And now he was sitting in front of a burning tree. 

He had seen Dean on the ground in pain, glass shattered and blood on the grass. And a gun being tossed away. There was no one else there. At least what he had seen. It looked as if Dean was killing himself. Sam was horrified with the idea. His brother wouldn’t do that. Would he?

Sam immediately pulled out his phone, calling Dean. He sat through each ring, praying Dean would pick up. His heart dropped as he heard the call end. 

Sam wasn’t sure if his vision was right. He hadn’t had one in a while, and Sam was praying it wasn’t true. He quickly turned the car on, not even slightly worried about the storm any longer. 

He quickly reversed out of his spot and watched as people stared at him with shock as he sped off. At first he knew it was stupid to drive through a possible hurricane, but he couldn’t even care anymore. 

Sam felt his eyes tearing up, and he coughed as he tried to prevent his crying. It all made since. How could Dean not be depressed? Sam wasn’t even sure how Dean lived through all of that. Of course Dean struggled through everyday. It was just troubling Sam. Dean killing himself was never something that Sam had ever imagined.

Sam quickly slammed on his brakes as he saw the red light and car in front of him. He wiped the tears off of his face and rubbed his face with his sleeve a few times. He was going to get himself killed with the way he was driving. 

Sam stared at the red light in front of him, waiting for the color to switch. Allow him to floor it to his brother. He wasn’t even sure what to think. Dean could be doing it right now. He could’ve shot himself already.

“Oh God,” Sam muttered, a small cry breaking out of him as he thought of it. 

The light flashed green and Sam immediately floored it, he rode right on the guy in front of him until he decided to speed past the guy. 

What would Sam even do if Dean was dead? Sam thought about everything he saw in his vision. Dean was on the ground, there was shattered glass, blood, and a gun. But Dean was groaning. He was alive. Why was there glass if there was a gun? He could’ve fallen. 

Sam wasn’t confident about his small theory but he was going to pray it was the right one. 

Sam took a deep breath, trying to control his freak crying. He slowly steadied his breath as he came across the street that they were on. 

Sam saw their house only a few down. He slowed down, not wanting to plow into the driveway. He quickly parked the car, getting out of the car in seconds. 

He ran through the small driveway, the rain feeling like needles against his skin. The wind took his breath each time he tried to breath in. 

Sam knocked on the door, “Dean?!” 

Sam quickly fumbled for his keys as he prayed Dean would open the door. After no response Sam felt his tears start to fall again. He quickly unlocked the door, with his blurry vision and slippery hands from the rain making it take longer. 

Sam frantically looked around the living room, “Dean?!”

Sam walked through the living room into the kitchen, seeing nothing. 

“Dean?!” 

Sam’s voice was cracking when he called out for Dean now. Sam walked straight for Dean’s room, not even bothering to knock. He pulled on the doorknob, yanking the door open.

Sam stared as Dean laid in his bed. Completely unbothered. 

“You good?” Dean grumbled as he slowly turned around in the bed to look at Sam. Or he was awake. 

Sam let out a big sigh, holding back his tears. 

“Yeah, I’m, I’m fine,” Sam gave him a small nod and left the room. He felt sick. His whole body felt numb. His mind felt empty.

He slowly stumbled into the bathroom, falling right onto the toilet as he puked. 

After a few moments Sam sat against the tub, staring at the door. Tears fell down his face as he thought of his vision. Even though Sam was convinced his brother wasn’t going to kill himself, his vision was telling him otherwise. The idea of that thought in Sam’s head made him want to die. He needed Dean. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are some typos, I checked and edited but I feel like I missed some. As always, enjoy!

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE**

Sam laid wide awake in his bed. It was barely dark outside, but after his vision Sam just wanted to sleep, yet it wasn’t working. 

“You asleep?” He asked Dean. He had pulled a cot into Dean’s room for the night. He didn’t want to be away from Dean yet, and he still hadn’t told him about the vision he had had earlier. He lied and told Dean he wanted to stay in the same room in case the storm got too big and they had to evacuate. Sam knew this area was in a dangerous area for the possible huge hurricane that could hit where they were. Dean believed Sam, knowing if they had to leave quickly it would be easier for Sam to help Dean. 

“Yeah,” Sam said, staring at the light blue wall beside him. 

“That wind is loud as fuck,” Dean sighed, “Ya know, I’ve been reading in on this thing.”   
Sam sat up, looking over to Dean. He saw that Dean was sitting up against some pillows looking off at the window. 

“Reading on what?” Sam questioned, having no clue what Dean was mentioning.

“Well, my knee has gotten better, and besides that I’m doing okay,” Dean shrugged, “I’ve been reading on this case over in Indiana. There’s been four people already to get-”

“Dean, no,” Sam quickly shot Dean down, “I, listen, I get that you want to start hunting again, I really do. But not yet, man. You’re not fully good to go.”

“Sam, I’m fine, I can handle it,” Dean said, annoyed. 

“I know you can handle it, your knee is way too fucked at the moment,” Sam said, and Dean looked over at Sam, “I’m just saying you're not fit enough yet, you’d get us killed with the shape you’re in.”   
Dean knew Sam was right and he just lightly nodded. 

“I just feel like we could be doing something ya know?” Dean sighed, “We could tell Bobby about it. You and him could go, I’d be fine staying here or at his place.”

Sam thought about it, it really wasn’t a bad idea. He knew that. He just wasn’t ready to leave Dean alone just yet. The fear still settling in him from his vision only made it worse. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Sam slightly agreed, “How’s your knee feeling?”

“It depends on the day,” Dean answered honestly, “Some days I walk around more than I should and it hurts pretty bad after, some days I only have a light limp. I know I lucked out with what I got.”   
“What?” Sam questioned, not sure of what Dean was saying.   
“I was shot in the knee and I walked out like it never happened. That’s some damn good luck if you ask me,” Dean said. 

That was the last thing Sam could think of that situation. Good luck. Dean was shot, beat, and raped and somehow he’s finding light in the situation.

“And your back?”   
“My ribs used to bite like a bitch, but now I sleep on my stomach so my back is good,” Dean responded. Sam could tell Dean wasn’t lying with everything he was saying. It had been about a month and a half now. But the doctor did tell Sam that Dean’s knee could take up to six months. Which for Dean meant maybe two or three. So Dean was practically good again. 

“I just feel like I gotta do something, ya know?” Dean sighed, “I just want to go back to the good times. Go to some crap diner and talk a case.”

“I get it,” Sam nodded, laying back down his cot, “Are you sure you're okay though?”

The image of Dean on the ground with blood and a gun near him was still haunting Sam. 

“No,” Dean gently said, “I never stop thinking about it.”

Sam sat in silence not wanting to say anything yet. 

“I know you remember everything I’ve said.”   
“I’m not going to push you Dean.”

“Some of the guys didn’t know how young I was. Some of them got mad, didn’t know I wasn’t even eighteen. Some realized that Dad had lied to them and that I didn’t want to.”   
Sam stared intently at the ceiling. Trying to grasp onto every word Dean was saying.

“And some didn’t know how young I was, but then liked it, or, or they just didn’t care. It wasn’t that bad. I know it sounds bad, but I could’ve stopped it. Yeah, once or twice I told Dad how it was wrong, but I never said stop.”

“Dean, he wouldn’t have stopped,” Sam lightly said.

“I know. I know,” Dean murmured, “There was one day I yelled at him after one guy had done me with his nasty girlfriend for an hour or two. I was leaving. I was eighteen. I was going to do it. But he told me that that was fine. He wasn’t mad. I didn’t get it.”   
Sam thought about it until it clicked. “He offered me.”   
“He said it was unfortunate, I was prettier.”   
Sam felt a sick pit grow in his stomach, he was disgusted with their father. He had no idea how the man had gotten away with it for so long. 

“So many fucking guys told me that. When Billy and Joey got me I thought I had finally gotten out. They told me all the same things the other guys did. I’m never gonna get out of it.”   
“Dean, stop, it’s not gonna happen again. I know you might not believe me, but I will kill anyone who ever thinks about doing that,” Sam reassured, “Okay? And forget Dad, it’s not about what he’ll do anymore. You can say no.”

“Yeah,” Dean was going to add on but suddenly stopped, “Do you hear that?”   
Sam glanced over to Dean to see him slowly sitting up, his eyes staring hard at the door.

Sam could barely see the door, but he quietly stood up, walking towards Dean so he could talk to his brother.

“You sure it’s not just the wind?” Sam questioned. He hadn’t heard anything yet, but Dean seemed set on it.

“Hang on,” Dean whispered. 

Sam listened, hoping Dean was just hearing the wind. His blood froze when he heard a light step somewhere in the house. 

Sam quickly put his arms under Dean’s shoulders and lifted him up. 

Dean stood up quicker than ever, and Sam went to hand Dean his crutches but Dean shook his head. Dean reached under his pillow and grabbed a gun out. Dean handed it to Sam, but Sam put his hands up.   
“You take it,” Sam whispered. Sam lightly stepped towards Dean’s night stand and grabbed a blade he knew Dean always kept near him. Sam then mentioned for them to move towards the door. 

They slowly and quietly moved to the door, gently opening the door so they could get into the hallway. Even though their father was disgusting, he did teach them how to be hunters. And being quiet and smooth came in the job description. 

Sam and Dean slowly walked towards the living room and kitchen area. Dean was limping, but he was focused on staying as quiet as possible and listening to anything. 

Sam stopped when he saw someone moving in the living room. He was towards the island in the kitchen, and he saw a glass sitting on the counter. He pressed himself against the wall, motioning for Dean to do the same. 

Even though this guy was in their house, he had no idea who it was. He didn’t want to immediately go in with the gun or knife. 

He swiftly reached over and grabbed the glass on the counter, waiting for the guy to walk by the hall. 

Sam listened intently, tensed as he listened to the man’s light footsteps. As they got louder and louder, Sam steadied the glass in his hand. 

Sam saw a foot right at the side of the corner of the wall, and he knew now was the perfect time. He stepped out and swung the glass right into the side of the man’s forehead. 

The guy moaned, falling to the floor. Sam dropped the bloodied glass to the floor, staring at the now wounded stranger. 

Sam had a sudden flash from his vision, the blood dripping perfectly off of one shard near the blood splatters and drops on the floor. Sam held his head as he looked down and saw the exact thing displayed in front of him.

Sam knelt down and grabbed the man from his shirt, bringing the man up to his face. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Sam,” Dean fearfully muttered.

Sam looked up at Dean and saw the sheer panic in his brother’s eyes.

“It’s Joey.”

Sam turned back to the bastard clenched in his fists. He immediately removed one of his hands and brought it straight into the pigs nose. 

“You piece of shit,” Sam snarled, slamming Joey back into the ground, “Why the fuck did you come here?”

Sam punched Joey once more, not even sure what part of his face he hit. He punched again, pleasure filling his stomach as Joey coughed up a sprinkle of blood. 

“Sa-” Dean’s warning got cut off as he cried out. Sam quickly looked behind him to see Dean on the ground, groaning in pain as he clenched his knee. The gun a few feet away from him. 

The same exact picture from his vision. Sam looked up to see another guy standing there. It had to be Billy. It was the only other guy who would’ve known to kick Dean in his weak knee. 

Sam quickly jumped up, leaving Joey on the ground. 

Sam went to grab the knife from his belt but he felt a sharp burn travel through his skull. It was followed with a shattering sound. He stumbled back as he saw a third guy behind him, and he noticed how the guy had hit him in the head with a plate. 

Sam noticed Joey got up and went towards Dean and he quickly moved forwards, knowing Dean couldn’t take this. 

But Billy and the other guy had other plans. Billy lunged at Sam as the other guy held Sam back by wrapping his arms around Sam’s neck. As Sam falls to the ground he watches as Joey kicks Dean in the stomach.   
“No,” Sam snarled, his hands gripping onto his choker. He tore at the man’s arms, trying to get the man to release his grip. 

“Sam!” Dean warned as he watched Billy pull out a knife and approach Sam.

“You think he’s gonna help you?” Joey taunted, picking Dean up by his shoulders and punching him in the face, exactly what Sam was doing to him. Dean was shaking. He had never faced one of his rapists a second time. He never wanted to or had a care to.

“We really busted your pretty ass up, didn’t we?” Joey punched Dean once again, whipping his head to the side. He saw the gun sitting only a foot away. Joey punched Dean a few more times, Dean’s vision becoming blurry. It was now or never. As Joey brought another punch to Dean’s face, Dean reached out for the gun. 

Dean was pulling the gun towards him as the blow connected to the side of his eye. Dean groaned out a bit, but made sure to tightly grip the gun. He quickly clenched onto it and without a thought pulled the trigger. 

Joey paused, gasping as he looked down at his chest.Blood began to seep into his shirt, the bullet wound sitting right beside his heart. He fell onto Dean’s body, and Dean quickly rolling Joey’s dying body off of him. Dean felt disgusted and dirty. He didn’t feel any better after killing him. He didn’t even care. 

Dean painfully got on his knees, finally looking back over to Sam, the gun ready in his grasp. 

Dean had a slight twinge of fear and shock as he stared at the sight his brother had made. Sam was on top of Billy, choking the man with his bare hands. The other guy was on the ground, blooding pouring from his head. Billy’s foot slightly twitched or thrashed as Sam choked him.

Dean had no idea how he had missed this, but he could’ve been dealing with Joey longer than he thought. Dean couldn’t remove his eyes from Sam as he slowly released his grip on Billy’s throat. Billy’s body had already been practically motionless, but now his chest wasn’t moving. 

The third guy on the ground slowly groaned and Sam sloppily got up, and Dean knew that Sam knew Dean was watching him. Sam got up and went into the kitchen, opening up a drawer. He came back and Dean saw that Sam had a gun in his hand. 

Sam stared at the man on the ground and shot him right in the chest, and again, and again. 

Dean clenched his eyes each time the loud thunder from each gun shot rang in the room. 

Sam finally looks up to Dean, and they both don’t know what to say. 

Sam looked at the gun on his hands, not even sure who it came from. He had seen pure red anger when fighting them. All he cared about was killing them. 

Sam wanted to talk to Dean about what just happened, but there was nowhere to start. 

“We need to leave,” Dean simply said, looking at Sam longingly. 

Sam nodded, “I’ll get our bags.”


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR **

Sam glanced over to the Impala, Dean peacefully sleeping in the passenger seat. 

“No, no, no, no, Bobby, stop, we’re fine,” Sam reassured the panicked Bobby. 

“Sure, I’ll believe that once I see that,” Bobby sighed, “So you’re telling me they just attacked you two? You boys hurt?”   
“We’re okay, Dean got some bruises, and I think his knee is okay. One of his ribs might’ve broken again, but he said he couldn’t really tell,” Sam answered. He wasn’t going to tell Bobby if he was hurt. He only cared about Dean. He knew Bobby wanted to hear about how Sam was doing, but he could only think about Dean. 

“Are you okay?” Bobby asked. 

“I’m fine, lucky we got out the way we did. For the shape Dean is in we were outnumbered,” Sam shrugged. 

He heard Bobby sigh on the other side, “How the hell did you do it?”   
Sam looked back over to Dean, his brother’s face lightly resting on the window. “I saw red. I knew who they were and what they had done. I didn’t even care that they were human. I still don’t.”   
“You got all three?” Bobby asked.

“No, Dean got one of them,” Sam said, “I don’t know how he feels about it though, Bobby. He doesn’t seem shook up or anything. All he said to me after we left was he said he had a bad feeling about all of this.”   
“He has a reason to,” Bobby said, “This might be bigger than you two.”

“I hope not,” Sam said, “Alright well I need to go, I’ll call you when we get close.”   
“Alright, be safe, let me know if Dean needs help.”   
Sam hung up, knowing what Bobby meant by if Dean needed any help. 

Sam slowly walked into the store, he was starving for some reason. Normally he could go a while without food but he wasn’t even sure how long it had been since he had eaten something. They had been driving for almost nine hours straight, and Sam hadn’t eaten anything the previous day. 

Sam stared at the lack of food in the gas station. He sighed and walked over to something that looked relatively close to anything he would want to eat. He saw a few bruised apples and an orange. He decided it was best if he got all of them. He grabbed a bag of chips and some bottles of water. He held the food in his hand, he knew it wasn’t what Dean needed right now. His body was destroyed and he needed something a little healthy. He found some expensive berry smoothie and hoped Dean would at least try to drink it. 

Sam walked up to the cash register, setting a twenty down on the counter along with the food. Sam said thank you and grabbed his bag. It felt as if the bag weighed twenty pounds. He needed sleep. He was exhausted and felt as if he had been hit by a truck. 

Sam sighed, knowing he still had a few hours to drive ahead of him. They were only about four hours away from Bobby, so he knew he could make it in one shot. 

Sam looked up to the car and froze when he saw Dean wasn’t sitting there any longer. Sam frantically looked around, not even sure where Dean could be.

“Dean?” Sam shouted, jogging up to the car. He saw a smear of blood on the window and a light hand print below it. 

Sam’s blood turned cold. His heart stopped. 

“Dean!” Sam cried out, dropping the bag beside his feet. Sam turned around staring for any signs of where Dean could be.

“Hello, Sam,” A raspy voice said.

Sam whipped around and saw that he was standing face to face with a pair of black eyes. 

“You are so naive,” The demon smirked. Sam was about to grab his gun but the demon moved first, slamming Sam against the hood of the car. 

Sam felt his exhaustion wash over him as the pain of his head connecting to the metal of the car ran through him. Sam’s body slowly slipped down, his eyes closing. 

-

“Sam?” 

“Sam?” His brother's voice travelled to his mind. He slowly opened his eyes, squeezing them closed in response to the sudden pain that haunted his head. 

“What happened?” Sam quietly asked, not sure of where they were. He moved slightly and felt that his hands were tied in beside him. Each one was separate, tied to a pole on each side. 

“Some demon jumped me,” Dean sighed, “I should’ve been awake and paying attention.”   
“I should’ve too,” Sam said, “I wasn’t expecting a demon.”

“Yeah,” Dean said. 

Sam looked over at his brother noticing how Dean was tied in the same exact position as him. He had seen his brother tied up by demons before, but after all he knew he couldn’t stop wondering if each time Dean was tied up it threw him back into his memories.

“You feeling good?” Sam asked, feeling horrible for Dean.

“Peachy,” Dean responded, giving a fake smile. Sam recognized the smile though. It was the smile Dean did when he tried to show Sam that they were okay. They were going to get out. Sam felt bad that Dean was still trying to protect Sam, but they were both trapped here. 

“Did the demon say anything to you?” Dean questioned.

Sam looked around his surroundings. It was a dimly lit normal looking room. It looked like a bedroom just minus all of the furniture. There was carpet and everything. Only odd thing out was the poles that they were stuck to. And there was one single lamp in the corner. 

“It, uh,” Sam thought back, barely remembering what happened. All he remembered perfectly was getting thrown against the car. “It knew my name, and called me naive.”

Dean nodded, looking down to the floor.

“What’d it say to you?” Sam asked.

“It pulled me out of the car and then said hello,” Dean shrugged, “Son of a bitch slammed my head into the ground after.”

Sam looked at Dean, and in a second he knew Dean was holding something back. 

“So we’ve got no idea why we’re here,” Sam sighed, slouching back. 

Sam tugged on his restraints, hoping he would be able to feel something move but he didn’t even feel the rope budge. 

“Fuck,” Sam muttered. He had no idea how to get out of this. He didn’t even understand why they were here. Sam gently put his head back, staring at the ceiling. 

Sam wanted to tell Dean that he had been on the phone with Bobby but he didn’t want to say anything in case someone was listening. 

Sam heard Dean grunt and he looked back over to his brother, not sure why Dean was grunting. Sam watched as Dean tried to shift the way he was sitting on his feet and saw Dean’s face scrunched in pain from trying to move. 

“Your rib is busted isn’t it?” Sam asked.

“Yeah,” Dean quietly said as he finally got his feet in a comfortable position. Sam noticed that Dean had it so his hurt leg was straight out. The position was surely dragging Dean’s body away from where his arms were strung up. Sam knew it was going to be painful for Dean in any position he sat in.

It wasn’t really Dean’s rib that was bothering him, it was his knee. He stared down at his knee, his jeans were darkened with blood from where Joey kicked him. Dean looked over at Sam, remembering back to when they were attacked. 

Dean had never felt so scared. He had felt scared when they attacked him at the bar, and he had felt scared before but last night was something new. Dean had never faced his attackers. He never wanted to. Even if he wanted them dead he never wanted to see their faces again. 

When he killed Joey yesterday he didn’t even care. It didn’t give him anything. But watching Sam kill Billy just scared him. He had no idea who the third guy was but the fact that Sam easily killed them both was still haunting Dean. Sam had done it with no thought. 

Dean’s thoughts were cut off by a slight thud heard from outside the door.

“You hear that?” Sam whispered. Both brothers had their eyes glued onto the door, waiting for another noise. 

“Yeah,” Dean said, “Was yours a girl?” 

“What?” Sam asked.

“The demon that jumped you, was it a chick?”   
“No, it was a guy.”   
“Great, means there’s more than one,” Dean sighed. 

“Shit,” Sam said, agreeing with Dean’s annoyance, “I barely even got to see him either. He got me down quick.”

Sam quickly stared back at the door once he heard light footsteps. They weren’t close to the door but it let them know that they weren’t alone.

“They’re not coming in,” Sam said with annoyance.

“Shh, shut up,” Dean muttered. Sam noticed that Dean was straining to hear the demons outside the door. 

Sam couldn’t make it out very well, but if he listened he could tell that they were talking. 

He knew Dean had better hearing than him, but he was shocked that Dean was able to hear that. 

“They’re talking about Dad,” Dean quietly said, “I think.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked, not understanding what their father has to do with this.

“I don’t know, something about where he is,” Dean said. 

Sam hated his father, despised the man. But hearing that demons were looking for him made him scared. He might hate his father but some part of him will always feel for him, despite the hatred he wants to feel. 

Dean looked over at Sam, and Sam could automatically tell what Dean was saying. No words were spoken but they had made a plan. In case the demons could hear them they weren’t going to talk about anything any longer. They didn’t want to give the demons anymore than they already had. 

Sam felt exhausted. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep, but he knew that was about the worst thing he could do right now. If the demons came in and he was asleep they could take Dean or do something. 

Sam looked up at the poles above him. He tugged with his right arm, watching where it connects to the ceiling. He watched as it slightly shifted. That could come in handy later. 

Sam pulled with his left arm and couldn’t help but smile as he saw the pole shake even more than the other one. Sam glanced over to Dean and saw that his brother was watching. 

“Nice,” Dean simply said, he knew they could use that. Dean tried to move his, but either his weren’t moving or he was too weak. 

“Oh shut up,” A female voice shouted from outside the door. 

“Me? Alice, you’re the one who got us in this fucking mess!” A male shouted back. 

The brothers both silently hoped that the demons wouldn’t come in now. Demons were bad, and they were even worse when they were mad. 

Unfortunately, their hopes were ignored. Dean slumped in defeat as he heard the footsteps approaching the door. 

“Shit,” Sam muttered. 

Sam squinted as bright light flooded into the room. 

“Hey, boys,” The girl playfully said, “How you holding up?”

Sam stared at the woman walking in, he knew it was a demon, but she was stunning. She had perfect dark curls sitting on her chocolate skin. 

“Go to Hell, bitch” Sam snarled, ignoring the demon’s looks. He noticed how demons tended to do that. They always chose the most attractive people to possess. 

Sam watched as the demon glared over at him, “Call me Alice.”

Sam didn’t say anything. His attention was drawn over to the man walking into the room. His jaw dropped as he saw who it was. He looked over to his brother, making sure it was the right person. He got his answer from Dean’s face.

“Jason?”


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE**

Dean stared at the demon, horrified at the sight in front of him. It was practically the only friend he ever had, and now he was standing here possessed by some demon. 

“Why are you boys always so stupid?” The demon laughed. Dean cringed in response, hearing his friends laugh sound so twisted. 

“It can’t be,” Sam lightly muttered. Dean finally looked back to his brother, unable to process that Jason was here. 

“It’s really sad ya know,” Jason sighed as he shut the door, “You two are pathetic to watch.”

“Thomas, enough,” Alice said. 

Alice walked over to Sam. She leaned down, smiling at the younger brother. 

“You two can either make this easy or hard, alright?” She asked, “You tell us where dear Dad is, and then you can be out of here.”   
“Well, that’s no fun,” Jason sighed. 

“We have no idea where our father is,” Sam said, telling the truth. He didn’t even have the slightest idea. 

“Sure,” Alice said. 

“Why are you in him?” Dean asked, still staring at the demon walking around in Jason.

“We like to choose people who can handle it, or if they’re pretty,” Thomas shrugged. 

Dean cringed, disgusted at what was happening. 

“Why are we here?” Dean asked, he saw at the corner of his eye as Sam looked over at him with confusion. They weren’t going to say anything, unless it was needed. But now that was out the window, Jason was standing in front of them. 

“Real question is why are we here? After all that’s happened to you boys we thought you would go running to Daddy, but guess not,” Thomas sighed, walking over to the empty side of the room. He leaned against it, and Dean remembered how Jason used to lean against anything rather than stand up straight. It was killing him to see his friend like this. 

“What do you mean all that’s happened to us?” Sam questioned.

“What do you think?” Alice laughed. 

“You work for yellow eyes,” Sam sneered, tugging on his restraints in anger. 

“That greedy son of a bitch?” Alice questioned, “That’s funny.”

“C’mon though, you really haven’t thought about it have you?” Thomas smirked. 

“Thought about what?” Sam groaned, already annoyed with them.

“Joey and Billy,” Thomas said. 

Sam’s stomach flipped over. He looked right over to Dean, and saw that his brother just looked lost and confused. Sam sat in shock, trying to think if it made sense. He thought about how him and Dean killed them, they weren’t demons. 

“It’s simple really, we wanted something done, worked some magic, and boom we had those guys on you in seconds,” Alice said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. Alice walked over to Dean and grabbed his jaw, raising it up to her face, “Wipe that stupid look off you’re face. And don’t worry it didn’t take much convincing for those guys to want to do what they did. Before we even got to them they had been staring at you all night, just waiting for the moment to pull you in. One of them even wanted to roofie you. All you really are is a piece of ass, Dean.”   
Dean glared at the demon holding his face. Every ounce of him was focused on hiding his pain and disgust he felt. 

“All you are is an ugly bitch,” Dean smiled, looking right in her eyes. Sam hid his own smile as a surge of pride came through him from what his brother said. Dean might be hurting right now, but he wasn’t about to get shoved down by a pair of demons. 

Alice huffed, shoving Dean’s face away. 

“Alright, I’m asking this one last time, where’s John?” Alice asked, looking at both restrained brothers. 

“Why?” Sam asked, not understanding why they wanted to know where their father was. 

“You’re not running the show here,” Alice sweetly said, “Now where’s your Dad?”   
“We don’t know, we haven’t talked to him for a few months,” Dean answered. 

“Oh, for once please stop trying to protect each other, where is he?” Alice shouted.

“Alice,” Thomas warned. 

“No, it’s no use,” Alice snapped, “They’re not going to say anything.”

Alice walked over beside Sam, gripping his wrist. Sam tried to wrangle his way out, but he was stuck and he knew it. 

“Where’s John?” Alice asked.    
“We don’t know,” Dean said, with a hint of panic in his voice. 

Alice tilted her head in surprise, raising her eyebrows, “Okay.”

Alice formed a fist with her other hand and brought it down on Sam’s fingers. 

Sam shouted out, the sudden pain crashing over him. Sam gasped, feeling his hand go limp the second she let go. Sam blinked rapidly, the pain still trickling through his hand. 

“Bitch!” Dean snarled. 

“Don’t even start, Dean,” Thomas said. 

Sam looked over at his hand, he was sure he had some broken fingers now. 

“I don’t mind having you two here, but I know you guys want to leave, so c’mon,” Alice said. She walked over to Dean, landing a kick right into his stomach. 

Dean grunted, his body heaving over in response. 

Sam winced, understanding how painful that would be with Dean’s busted rib.

Sam noticed how Thomas was looking at him, watching everything he was doing. 

Alice punched Dean in the face, making Dean’s head whip back. Alice did it once again, and then brought another fist down onto his side. 

Dean grunted in pain, his head hanging low as he took a moment to process what had happened. His face felt like a truck had run over it and his rib felt even worse now. 

“Stop!” Sam shouted, wincing every time his brother was hit. Alice kept beating Dean, and Dean’s cries were getting quieter and quieter every time. 

Alice finally stepped away, wiping the blood on her fists off onto Dean’s shirt. 

“Thomas go get the knife,” Alice said. 

Sam watched as Dean slumped his head back and groaned, his eyes closing. Sam could see how tired Dean was. 

Sam watched as Thomas walked out of the room and he decided to open his mouth, “Indiana!”

Alice and Thomas both looked over to Sam. 

“What was that?” Thomas asked.

“Indiana,” Sam lied, “He’s in Connersville, Indiana.”

“You gave in quite quick,” Alice said with doubt in her voice.

“You’re going to kill him,” Sam said, glancing over to Dean. Dean’s body was hanging from the restraints, looking like a dead body from Sam’s point of view. 

“You nearly killed him with Billy and Joey,” Sam said, and Alice smiled in response. 

“That wasn’t entirely us, we just told them to go after him,” Alice shrugged. 

“Alright, let’s go check this place out,” Thomas said, the impatience strong in his voice.

Alice and Thomas walked out of the room, but Thomas turned back before he shut the door, “If you’re lying you’re going to wish you were dead.”

Sam shuddered as the echo of the slamming door traveled through the room. 

Sam and Dean sat in complete silence for about an hour, making sure not to talk until they were confident that their captors had left. 

Sam jumped as his brothers aggressive voice broken the silence, “What the fuck, Sam?”

“What?” Sam questioned, even though he knew what his brother was mad about. 

“Why the hell would you lie? You realize what’s gonna happen when they figure out Dad isn’t there? They’re gonna kick your ass,” Dean scolded him.

“They were hurting you,” Sam defended himself.

“Yeah and now they might kill us, how about that?” Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes, “What were you thinking, man?”

Sam didn’t answer, knowing why he lied so suddenly. He knew Dean wasn’t going to be able to take much in the condition he’s in. Dean was going to deny it to himself but he knew his body was far weaker than it normally was. 

“Well what are we saying when they get back?” Dean sighed, trying to get over his anger at Sam at the moment. 

“We say he moved, lie again and say he said something about a case in Idaho or Florida or something. Buy us some time,” Sam offered. 

“Buy time for what?” Dean asked. 

“I don’t know,” Sam quietly said. He knew they didn’t have any blades on them, and he knew no one knew where they were. Bobby will notice that they aren’t at his place eventually, but Sam was hoping Bobby noticed sooner than later. 

“No one knows we’re here, Sam,” Dean said, glancing over to his brother. 

Sam looked up to Dean, knowing Dean was still processing all the information that had been thrown at him. Sam felt horrible admitting it, but he felt better that it was demons that attacked him rather than humans. He hoped Dean felt the same way, but he also recognized that Dean was focused on Jason being here. 

Sam jolted as he watched the door bust open, he looked over, greeted by Alice and Jason. 

“You, you are a little piece of shit aren’t you?” Thomas snapped, walking right over to Sam. 

“Leave him alone!” Dean warned, even though he knew it was hopeless. 

Thomas took a hold of Sam’s chains and ripped them right from the pole. He chucked Sam’s body across the floor like it was a ragdoll. 

He walked over, grabbing Sam up by his neck. He lifted Sam up, getting in Sam’s face. 

“You think that stunt was cute? I know how to hurt you, Sam,” Thomas smiled, “Stop acting so tough.”   
At that exact moment Sam painfully watched as Alice brought her foot down on Dean’s knee. Dean cried out, heaving over in pain. Sam watched as his brother's face lit up in discomfort, as his body curled over, probably trying not to puke. Sam saw as more blood came from Dean’s knee. Dean looked horrible with all of the blood on his leg and the leftover blood from his beating caked onto his neck and face. 

Thomas dropped Sam, kicking him in the stomach. “We broke him already. We know how to break you, and if you don’t play nicely,” Thomas brought another kick straight into Sam’s stomach, “We won’t either.”   
Sam coughed, trying to regain a fraction of his breath. He looked up to Thomas, “We don’t know where he is. We haven’t talked to him ever since you bastards attacked Dean.”   
Thomas groaned and rolled his eyes. Sam felt nervous as he watched Jason’s body repeat an action so familiar to him. Jason would get annoyed by Sam when they were kids, so an eye roll was an often sight for Sam. 

“How stupid do you think I am?” Thomas laughed, “Alice, you go to our friend Bobby and see if he knows anything, I’ll stay here with them.”

“No!” Sam shouted, watching as Alice left. Sam saw how defeated and tired Dean already looked. Sam had no idea how they were going to get out. 

“I’m going to kill you, you sick son of a bitch,” Sam growled, putting his hands down to get back up. 

“Oh, shut up,” Thomas sighed, kicking Sam hard in the face. Sam slumped to the ground, seeing black. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's a little short.

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX**

Dean looked over to Thomas, fear gripping onto him. It was just him and Jason now. Dean knew it wasn’t actually Jason, but a part of him was having a hard time seeing his friend as a demon. 

“Dean, I hope you know I’ve been waiting to talk to you for a little while,” Thomas smiled. 

“Please, we don’t know anything,” Dean tried again, hoping that Thomas wouldn’t do anything. 

“I think Alice cares a bit more than me, see I just like playing with you,” Thomas said, “It gets me a lot of credit down in Hell for pulling all these tricks on you.”

“You’re sick,” Dean shook his head. 

“I may be, but the best part is how Jason feels inside,” Thomas chuckled, approaching Dean. He laid a hand on Dean’s shoulders, running his fingers along Dean’s neck, “I know all about you two. Two hurt boys go on a little gay trip together. I mean, you should’ve heard the noise he was making when you were going off to get kinky in the alley. I think he was jealous.”   
Dean turned his head away as Thomas rubbed his fingers up higher onto Dean’s cheek. 

“You’re very pretty, you know?” Thomas sighed. He leaned down his mouth inches away from Dean’s ear. “The things I want to do to you.”   
Dean yanked away, cringing in absolute disgust. “Haven’t you done enough?” 

Thomas pulled Dean back towards him, his face landing right on Thomas’s stomach. “I haven’t gotten anything, have I?”

“Please,” Dean muttered, knowing how utterly pathetic he sounded. Thomas’s hand ran through Dean’s hair, scratching down to his neck.    
“I know your brother is in here, but c’mon, maybe this will get it out of you,” Thomas sighed, pulling away Dean’s belt. “Get what out?” Dean whined, trying not to burst out in a sob. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t. He couldn’t take being treated like this anymore. He couldn’t do it in front of his brother. It was the body of Jason. It was all too wrong for him to understand. 

Dean looked down to the ground, mainly seeing his bruised chest. He hadn’t seen himself look this beat up in a few years. He knew he couldn’t take this. He was trying to blame it on his body, but he just couldn’t take it. 

“C’mon, I’ve heard you’re a bit more entertaining than this,” Thomas grumbled. He pulled Dean’s jeans off to his ankles, putting a firm hand on Dean’s dick. 

Dean revulsed at the touch, knowing there was no way this guy was going to get him hard. Dean knew it wasn’t going to happen. 

Thomas went behind Dean, sliding his hand down Dean’s back. Dean felt as Thomas pulled the chains up, forcing Dean to stand up rather than kneel. 

Dean let out a cry as he was forced to suddenly stand on his knee. 

Dean felt scared now that Thomas was standing behind him rather than in front of him. He wasn’t able to see him anymore. 

Dean felt as Thomas’s hands rubbed up his back, and then down towards the end of his tailbone. Dean shuddered, his body leaning forwards in disgust. 

Dean gasped as lips latched onto his shoulder, sucking aggressively. Dean turned his head away, looking over to his unconscious brother. He was praying his brother would stay out long enough for this to be over. 

“Wow, they really did you good didn’t they?” Thomas laughed, tracing his fingers along Dean’s healing scars. Thomas leaned down and muttered into Dean’s ear, “How’d they do you down there?”

Dean bit down his noise of shock as he felt an intruding hand slip in between his cheeks. 

“Please,” Dean muttered, he really hated how pathetic he sounded but he couldn’t have this happen with Sam a few feet away from him. This couldn’t happen with Jason’s body. He couldn’t. 

Dean gasped as he felt a finger slip into his sore and broken hole. Dean shut his eyes, trying to block it out, ignoring what was happening to him. Again. It was never going to stop. Sam said he would make sure, but Dean knew that was a fantasy. 

“Ya know,” Thomas said, removing his finger from Dean, “I’ll move Sam for you, will that make this better for you?” 

Dean watched as Thomas walked away, grabbing Sam’s arms and tied them back up at the pole. 

Dean stared in horror as his brother's body was in front of him. Sam was going to have to watch. 

“No, no, no, no,” Dean quietly mumbled, staring straight into the ground. 

“Now where were we?” Thomas laughed, grabbing Dean’s jaw. He pulled Dean into a kiss. Dean felt his throat close up and he tried not to gag in response. He was disgusted.

“Does it feel like old times?” Thomas chuckled. He walked back behind Dean, his hand lightly tracing Dean’s hip as he moved. 

Dean felt as Thomas’s finger went back to work, slowly working its way into Dean. 

Dean was horrified. He didn’t know what to think. The body of one of his only childhood friends was about to rape him in front of his own brother. 

Thomas quickly wedged two more fingers in, making Dean cry out in pain. 

Dean felt things tear, the familiar pain coursing through him once again. He couldn’t take it any longer. He could feel the intruding fingers stretching his broken body apart. Taking every last ounce of strength Dean had left. 

“Please, Jason, you’ve got to be in there,” Dean cried, a few tears travelling down his face. 

Thomas pulled his fingers out, walking over to face Dean. 

Dean stared into Jason’s eyes, hoping that in some way his friend would resurface. 

Dean watched in horror as Jason’s familiar face had a sadistic smirk crawl across his mouth. 

“You are so sad,” Thomas sighed. He walked back around, and Dean felt his heart drop as he heard a zipper go down. 

Dean leaned forwards, pulling as hard he could on his restraints. Thomas slowly placed his dick on Dean’s ass. Dean wanted to scream as he felt it slide into him. 

Dean recognized the familiar warmth of his own blood seeping through his old tears. 

Dean let out a slight shout as Thomas suddenly thrusted back and forth into Dean’s abused hole. Dean shuddered as Thomas clenched onto Dean’s hips. 

Dean just let the pain wash through him. He let the pain of each thrust disrupt his thoughts. He let it wipe out everything. He needed it too. If he thought too much he knew he was going to break. 

“Damn,” Thomas moaned, “You are as good as they say.”   
Dean blinked back tears, trying to ignore the same voice that he had once felt so comfortable with. Now the same voice was causing some of Dean’s greatest discomfort and pain. Each thrust felt as if it was clawing into Dean’s stomach, ripping him apart. He hadn’t healed, and he knew that. Thomas knew too. He just didn’t care. 

Dean heard a groan from across the room and his blood went cold. 

Dean slowly looked up from the ground he had engraved his sight onto and stared at his brother. He watched as Sam’s eyes slowly opened and he quickly brought his eyes back down to the ground. 

He needed to go unconscious. Him or Sam. He didn’t care. He couldn’t be awake for this. 

“Aw, look who’s awake. How was your nap, princess?” Thomas chuckled into Dean’s ear, but loud enough for Sam to hear. 

“No,” Sam gently muttered, not able to process the sight in front of him. 

Thomas thrusted deeply into Dean, sending Dean into a state of blinding pain. Dean wailed, but quickly stopped, squeezing his eyes shut, hating the feeling of his tears falling down his face. 

“You sick fuck!” Sam screamed, “Get away from him! Please! Let him go! I don’t care! You can have me! I don’t care! Please!”   
“Where’s Dad, Sam?” Thomas laughed back as he kept aggressively thrusting into Dean. 

Dean held back his cries of utter pain. He grunted instead, focusing on holding back on showing Sam how much pain he was really in. He felt the blood trickling down his thighs, sticking there as it dried. 

“Dean, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Sam cried. 

“Hang on,” Thomas said, pulling out of Dean. 

Dean gasped in relief, his body sinking down as far as it could. He could feel the sting of his restraints, but he couldn’t care less. The feeling of being empty was all he needed. 

Dean refused to look up from the ground, he was not going to look at Sam. He had no idea how they were going to get out of this. How they were going to live after this. Sam had seen Dean being raped. Not just him hearing about it. 

“You don’t really know where he is do you?” Thomas said, he looked at the two broken brothers. 

“No,” Sam quietly said. 

“Well, sorry for the troubles,” Thomas shrugged, tossing a knife in front of Sam, “Have fun.”   
Thomas walked away, shutting the door behind him. 

Dean could feel his brothers piercing sad eyes staring at him, but he had nothing to say. He didn’t want to say anything. He didn’t even want to leave. He wanted to stay here and rot. 

Dean wanted to die. 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE if you have any ideas or requests for this story or another I would love to hear them. Please! Thank you!

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Sam stared at his broken brother in front of him. Dean looked so small, slumped over and silently weeping. Sam wanted to look away since he felt as if he was violating his brother by staring at him, but he couldn’t peel his eyes away. 

All he could see was Jason thrusting into Dean, Dean crying out in pain.

Sam couldn’t even imagine how painful that must’ve been, and how much pain he’s still in. Sam glanced down on Dean, grimacing as he saw the small trickle of blood going down Dean’s thighs. 

He wanted to say something, but not even anything appropriate was coming into his mind. There wasn’t anything to say, besides mentioning how absolutely fucked and wrong this is all is. 

Sam heard Dean’s breathing get louder and quicker, and he squinted his eyes up at his brother’s face. 

“Dean?” Sam asked, tugging against the restraints. The only response Sam gained was louder breathing. Sam looked at Dean’s chest, watching how high it was rising and how rapidly it was falling. 

Was Dean having a panic attack?

“Dean?” Sam questioned once again, “Hey, look at me, you’re alright. Dean? C’mon, Dean look at me, I need to know that you’re good.”

Dean laughed, and Sam felt his blood go cold in response to Dean’s hysterical giggle. 

“Good? I’m fucking terrible,” Dean croaked, leaning his head back, taking a gasp of air. 

Sam didn’t know how to react. This was still all so hard for him to process. Especially the way Dean was responding to certain situations. 

“I can’t breathe,” Dean said, his voice hoarse. Sam heard as Dean took another gasp, it sounded as if Dean was choking. 

Sam looked at his brother and saw the pure fear plastered on Dean’s face. 

“Dean, hey listen to me, you’re okay, okay? I’m here, you’re just having a panic attack,” Sam felt uncomfortable having to act this way with Dean. He felt as if he was talking to a panicked child. He wasn’t mad at Dean, nor did he blame him. It was just weird for him to have to do this, it was almost always Dean saying this to Sam. 

“I can’t move,” Dean cried, tugging on his arms, trying to yank them away from where they were tied. 

“Dean, hey, calm down, okay? You’re okay,” Sam said, gripping the rope around his wrist and pulling as hard as he could. He heard a slight rip in his right hand, annoyed that he was unable to use his other hand due to his fingers being broken. 

“I’m never gonna get out,” Dean muttered, breathing quicker and quicker. 

“Dean, it’s alright,” Sam said again, glancing behind him. If he can get out he can get to Dean and try to help him. 

Sam jumped as he watched the door open, light filling their dimly lit room. 

“Alice called,” Thomas sighed, leaning against the door, “Apparently your friend isn’t very compliant.”   
Sam swore to himself, he had forgotten that Alice had gone after Bobby. He felt horrible for just forgetting about that, but Dean was his main priority at the moment. 

Thomas looked at the two brothers, noticing Dean in his state of panic and Sam’s loose arm. 

“You want out?” Thomas asked, walking over to Sam.

“Keep your hands off of me,” Sam snapped, flinching slightly as Thomas grabbed Sam’s arm. Thomas ignored him and ripped Sam’s arm free from the rope, allowing Sam to undo his other arm. 

Sam stayed frozen, his other arm still hanging limply. 

“What do you want?” He asked, not believing that Thomas would just let him loose. 

“I’ve given up on you two idiots telling me where he is, might as well get some entertainment with you,” Thomas shrugged, walking back to the doorway. He just stood, his frame making a shadow on the ground. 

Sam untied his other arm, quickly scrambling over to Dean. Sam stood up, facing Dean. 

“Dean, hey, can you hear me?” Sam felt stupid for asking such a simple question, but it really looked as if Dean was off in his mind right now. 

His breathing had slowed again, but his face still purged with panic. 

“Dad’s in Salt Lake City,” Dean mumbled. 

“What?” Sam asked, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion.

Thomas moved forwards, not sure if he had heard Dean correctly. 

Sam put his hands on Dean’s shoulders lightly, “Dean, what did you say?”

Sam noticed how his brother's face was far more secure, it was so sure. 

“He’s in Salt Lake City.” 

“Why should I believe this?” Thomas scoffed. 

“Believe it or not, I don’t care,” Dean carelessly admitted. 

Sam was perplexed by everything Dean was saying. They knew nothing of where their father was. Sam knew that. He knew Dean wasn’t talking to the man either. 

Thomas stared at him, not sure what to think. He left the room, shutting the door behind him. 

Sam looked at Dean, the image of Dean’s broken face hurting him. Dean’s face was caked in tears, and his eyes looked empty. He had blood on his face still from when Alice had beaten him.

“Were you lying?” Sam asked, not sure what else to talk about. He started working on one of Dean’s arms, knowing Dean must be uncomfortable in this position. 

“No, he left a voicemail telling us to meet him,” Dean said, he took a shaky breath, “I couldn’t take it anymore, Sam.”   
Sam looked at his brother as he worked on removing his restraints. 

“I realized why cover up for him, he’s done so much to me,” Dean’s voice got low at the end, “Let him go to Hell.”   
Sam agreed with every word that came out of his brother's mouth, he was just shocked that Dean had finally admitted it. Sam was also shocked that Dean had just ratted their father out to a pair of demons. 

Sam finally got one of Dean’s arms free and he watched as he immediately reached for his pants. Sam watched painfully as Dean’s hand couldn’t reach down to his jeans at his ankles. Sam knelt down and handed them to Dean, allowing Dean to put them on himself.

Sam didn’t think anything of it, but he knew Dean felt mortified. He would if he were in the position. 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, untying Dean’s other arm. 

“Why?” Dean gravely said, his voice dead. 

“I,” Sam wanted to say how he could’ve done something, or how he could’ve helped, but there was nothing he could have done to change what had happened. 

Dean finally got his pants back to his waist and quickly buttoned them up. “Just get me out of here.”

Sam nodded, putting an arm under Dean for support as his arm gave way from his restraint. 

Dean pulled away, putting a hand on the pole for support instead. 

Sam felt hurt, knowing Dean needed help due to his busted knee, but Dean didn’t want it from Sam right now, and he was going to have to deal with that. 

Sam felt a wave of pain in his stomach, remembering how Thomas had kicked him pretty hard earlier. Sam hoped he didn’t have a broken rib, his broken fingers were already painful enough.

Sam watched as Dean took a step forward and his face immediately contorted in pain and he doubled over, clutching his side. 

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, leaning down and trying to support Dean. 

Dean cried out again, slipping to the floor. 

“What’s wrong?” Sam hurriedly asked, his eyes scanning Dean’s stomach. He didn’t see anything wrong, besides the horrible bruising that was setting in right where Dean had clutched. 

Dean took a deep breath, “Bitch must’ve beat me pretty good.”

Sam noticed how pale Dean was. Sam felt wrong about looking, but he glanced back over to where Dean had been hanging. There was a small pool of blood on the ground and multiple splatters of it from his knee and when he had spit some out. 

Sam quickly got up, grabbing the door handle. It didn’t budge. 

“Goddammit!” Sam yelled, slamming his fists into the door. The searing pain of his hand traveled through his arm, but he didn’t care. 

Dean groaned in pain once again, making Sam turn around. 

“Something’s wrong,” Dean coughed. 

Sam went back to Dean, staring as his brother gripped his side in pain. Sam didn’t understand what was wrong, the only thing he had ever had happen with broken ribs was it poked a lung, this wasn’t that. And what Thomas did to Dean wouldn’t cause this. At least Sam didn’t think so. 

“We gotta get you out of here,” Sam said, more to himself than to Dean. 

Sam heard a door open and then shut from farther in the house. He heard an angry voice swearing and steps storming up stairs. 

“Dean,” Sam warned. 

“I didn’t lie,” Dean painfully said, glancing at the door. 

Sam felt a part of him sink away as he watched the door open once again. He was greeted with a furious Alice and Thomas. Sam was fed up with the amount of times these two had bursted in. He knew they were being held captive, but each time they came in he knew once they left Dean would be closer to death each time. 

“This is getting old,” Thomas huffed, glaring at the brothers. 

“This is enough,” Alice snarled. She marched up to Sam, grabbing both of his wrists. Sam tried to pull free, not wanting to leave Dean. 

With ease Alice dragged Sam off the ground and yanked his arms behind his back. With one hand she had Sam’s arms stuck. 

“Do your best,” Alice said to Thomas, leading Sam out the door. 

“Dean!” Sam hopelessly called to his brother. Sam could hear his heart beating. All he heard was white noise. He couldn’t leave Dean alone. Not now. He would never forgive himself. Dean wouldn’t live through anything else. 

Sam watched as Dean laid on the ground in pain, and he wanted to scream out as Thomas shut the door. 

“No,” Dean barely retaliated. Dean stared at Sam, even though he was mortified by what Sam had witnessed earlier, he still needed his brother with him. They wouldn’t get out of this alone. 

“Dean!” Sam cried out once more, wanting his brother to know that he wasn’t gone. He knew it was pointless, but he didn’t know what Dean could take. That might be all Dean has left. 

Sam stared at the door in front of him as he was wrangled away, he couldn’t leave Dean. 

“Dean!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE if you have any ideas or requests for this story or another I would love to hear them. Please! Thank you!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long to post, I just had some really bad family issues the past few weeks so writing was not something I really felt like doing. I finally got this one out, and I hope to have the next one up in a week.

**CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT**

Sam hung from the wall, his wrists starting to ache. His arms were cuffed to the wall, leaving him to hang by his arms, the heels of his feet barely touching the ground. 

He wasn’t sure how long it had been since him and Dean had been split. It felt like it had been days, but he knew it had only been hours. He was slightly relieved since neither Alice or Thomas had come in to talk to him the entire time he was in his room. He also hadn’t heard any noise or commotion outside his door, or anything from Dean. 

He was confused by what their plan was, but he was still fuming from earlier. He had seen what Thomas did to Dean. He could do it again, and now Sam wasn’t there for Dean any longer. Dean was alone just like he was every other time in his life. 

Sam had no idea how many times this had happened to Dean, and he didn’t like when that question came into his mind. What happened to him each time, what Dean thought after. It all hurt him to think about. 

But after watching Thomas rape his brother some of his answers were answered. He knew Dean’s mind had to be all duct tape and band aids. His brother was probably crawling through every day of his life ever since the first time he was raped. Now that Sam had witnessed what Dean had gone through it amazed him even more how strong Dean really was. 

Dean could take anything, and Sam knew that, but leaving him alone right now was not good. Sam knew that Dean was vulnerable, and he was wounded far beyond comfort. 

Sam closed his eyes, and all that he saw was Dean’s face contorted in pain as Thomas continued to thrust into him. Dean grunting in pain, biting back his screams. 

Sam blinked rapidly trying to clear his mind, but he knew it was one of those things that he wasn’t going to be able to make his mind just forget about. It baffled him how his brother functioned normally every day. 

He tightened up in his cuffs, he heard faint footsteps, not sure if they were just near the door if someone was leaving Dean’s room. 

Sam felt a surge of anger come through him. This was just a sick game. They were playing with them by now. Sam knew they had no reason for keeping them here any longer, Dean had told the truth. They were probably holding them here for Bobby to tell their Dad what had happened. 

Sam scoffed, no way in Hell their father would come save them. Sam thought about it for a few seconds, doubting what he had previously thought. It’s quite possible their father would try to bust in and claim himself as a hero, ignoring all the wrongs he had done in the past. 

Sam sighed, wanting to groan in annoyance. All he could do was think right now. And that was the last thing he wanted to be doing. All he wanted to be doing was getting Dean the hell out of here. But that wasn’t happening anytime, so all Sam could do was think. Think about how their father had treated Dean, sold him off like a prize. Think about how Dean sees himself as a worthless slut or anything horrible. Think about how Dean was in excruciating pain only a door away, and there was absolutely nothing he could. How Dean was stuck with the possessed body of his one friend, that just happened to become one of his rapists. 

“God, shut up,” Alice groaned, opening the door. Sam looked up to her, his glare appearing on his face in a second. “You’re mind is all, agh.” Alice made a gross noise, moving her hands around her head as she rolled her eyes. 

“Stop thinking it’s your fault,” Alice said. 

“What are you talking about?” Sam questioned.

“You’re all worried thinking Dean sucking dick is all to do with you, ever think he likes it?” Alice raised her eyebrow. 

Sam took slight notice of how she knew what he was just thinking, making him question if she can read thoughts. He was more focused on how she accused Dean of liking his rapes. 

Sam knew she was a demon, but that was wrong and Sam knew it didn’t even make sense. 

“Sure, he loves it,” Sam scoffed, looking away from the demon in front of him. 

“You really just believe everything he says, don’t you?” She smiled. 

Sam thought back to the countless times he would make an ice bath for Dean after one his rapes, bandage any wounds. There was no way Dean enjoyed that. 

Sam chose not to answer and watched as Alice just walked up to him. 

“I’ll show you,” She said. Sam flinched as she placed her hands on the side of his head. Sam gasped in pain, and felt his body being tugged into black.

-

_ Sam stared ahead of him, not sure what had just happened.  _

_ “Giraffe,” A female voice called. Sam looked towards the voice and saw Alice standing there.  _

_ “What the hell is this, bitch?” Sam snapped, looking around the new location he was suddenly in. He knew it was some bar, but he had no idea where. Sam looked up to the prices written on some of the windows, he noticed how cheap some of it was. “Wait.” _ _   
_ _ “Starting to put it together are you?”Alice laughed. Sam watched as she disappeared.  _

_ Sam slowly walked around, nervous of what he was going to see.  _

_ He had a sickening feeling it was something of Dean. Alice said she would show him how Dean enjoyed his attacks.  _

_ Sam was disgusted, but he felt as if he was going to see something that she thought would change his mind.  _

_ Sam looked up at the bar’s sign, all it gave him was that he was in Arizona. That meant nothing to him. Sam sighed and walked over to the bar, pulling on the door. The door didn’t budge. Sam took a step back and tried kicking it. He groaned as nothing happened.  _

_ Sam walked away, glancing around the parking lot. His eyes landed on an all to familiar car.  _

_ He went over to the Impala, going up to the registration. He wanted to figure out when he was now.  _

_ He saw that it said 95, so he knew Dean was about 16 and he was about 12.  _

_ Sam jumped as he saw a figure sitting in the driver's seat. He saw Dean sitting there, and his suspicions were right. The Dean in front of him looked to be barely 16.  _

_ “Dean?” Sam asked, knowing it was pointless.  _

_ Dean sighed and got out of the car, and Sam took notice how Dean pulled his pants up as he walked towards the bar. He tightened his belt, securing its place.  _

_ Sam looked beyond from where Dean was walking. He saw an older man grinning at them.  _

_ Sam felt chills go up his back as he stared at the man in front of him. The man was maybe twenty years old, far too old to be meeting Dean in an alley alone.  _

_ “Hey, pretty boy,” The man laughed, Sam watched as Dean flinched when the man pulled him by his waist. _

_ Sam wanted to break through and grab Dean away, but he knew there was nothing he could do.  _

_ “Shut up, Micheal,” Dean scoffed, looking up to the man before him.  _

_ Micheal’s hands slid down Dean’s back, landing firmly on his ass. He pulled Dean in and started kissing him. Dean immediately complied, his hands going to Micheal’s face.  _

_ Sam looked away in disgust, he had no idea why he was brought here to watch Dean be sold off by their sick father.  _

_ “Does your Dad know you’re here?” Micheal asked as he pulled away. _

_ “No,’ Dean smiled, pulling Micheal back in for a kiss.  _

_ “Hang on,” Micheal’s voice was muffled as he pushed away from Dean’s kiss, “Where is your Dad?” _ _   
_ _ Dean rolled his eyes, finally backing away. “Why do you want to know?” _ _   
_ __ “So I make sure I don’t get my ass beat. Last time he thought you were hanging out with me he pulled a gun out,” Micheal lightly laughed. 

_ “Well, I guess he doesn’t like me going back to the same customer,” Dean shrugged.  _

_ “It’s honestly fucked what he does to you, you know that right?” Micheal asked.  _

_ Sam watched in shock. This man wasn’t trying to rape or use Dean. He was more Dean’s friend. Or romantic friends at that. Sam wasn’t surprised Dean was bisexual, he just wasn’t so aware that Dean knew when he was so young _

_ “Can we not talk about this?” Dean groaned, “Just fuck him alright? Two years and I’m fucking out. Me and Sam are leaving, or I’ll wait a little longer until I have money. I’m not staying with him.” _

_ “Does Sam know?” Micheal asked.  _

_ Dean laughed, “No. And he doesn’t need to know. Besides his hot headed ass would barely understand the whole situation.”  _

_ “Alright, alright,” Micheal sighed, “You know, we could go back to my house if you want.”  _

_ “I have a few hours, so if it’s close, sure,” Dean shrugged.  _

_ “Nah, we’ll just go get something to eat, but first,” Micheal smiled, pulling Dean in by his collar. They started kissing, and Sam watched as Micheal began to palm Dean through his jeans.  _

_ Sam looked away, not wanting to watch this. He didn’t understand why Alice wanted him to watch his brother have sex.  _

_ Sam cringed as he heard his brother let out a low and shaky moan.  _

_ Sam felt a sudden grip on his head, and the same darkness feeling washed through him.  _

-

Sam took a deep breath as he quickly searched his surroundings again. His body was still restrained to the wall and Alice was standing in front of him smiling. 

“Told you he likes it,” Alice sighed. 

“That was different, Dean trusted him,” Sam quickly said, denying her accusations. 

“Micheal had bought Dean for a night, so Micheal isn’t any different from every other guy who has touched Dean, but what you saw was Dean going back on his own terms, Dean liked Micheal,” Alice grinned. 

Sam wouldn’t believe everything she said. He knew some of it could have been true, but there had to be some detail she was leaving out, trying to make the situation seem black and white. 

“You know, your brother is getting the beating of a lifetime over there, so be happy all I’m doing you is showing you his horniest moments,” Alice shrugged, placing her hands back onto Sam’s head. 

Before Sam could say anything in relation to the new information he was just given he felt the tugging of the darkness again. 


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

Dean took a deep breath, trying to block away the pain he was feeling. 

“Awe come on Dean,” Thomas chuckled, “You can’t go soft on me now.” 

Dean opened his eyes, his chest heaving with each breath. Thomas had healed him before he started on this torture adventure. The only thing that still lingered was the familiar burning in his ass. He also knew his back had been left untouched, leaving it the wounded mess it was. It was even worse now, Thomas had been whipping Dean for the past ten minutes on his back. 

Dean was aware that this was just the beginning of what was happening, but it already hurt him so horribly. 

“I don’t know where my father is,” Dean muttered, making sure not to crack his voice as he spoke. 

“Ya know, I’m starting to believe you and your brother on that,” Thomas shrugged. 

Dean shot his head up in shock, confusion warping through his mind. Why were him and Sam still here then? Dean didn’t understand why he was still tied from the ceiling, barely able to touch the ground. 

“But we have to make the ransom pictures believable don’t we?” Thomas smirked. Dean still felt pure disgust course through him as he watched his once beloved friend smirk in front of him, wielding the bloody whip. 

“Just let us go, you freak,” Dean barked, lurching forwards in his restraints. 

Thomas didn’t say anything, instead he tossed the whip away to the ground. 

“You and Sam really are trying to cover him up aren’t you?” Thomas shook his head as he walked over to where he had set a bag when he first came in. Dean knew Thomas was going to grab something else, something else to break Dean apart. 

Dean leaned forwards, trying to ease some of the straining on his back. 

“I know neither of you know where he is, but you both know everything about him, and you all have some sort of code,” Thomas said, and Dean tried to see what Thomas was holding in his hand as he turned around. 

Dean knew what Thomas wanted though, wanted him to agree to leading their father to them. Dean wanted to. He wanted to let that man burn for what he did to Dean. But something in him couldn’t do it. No matter how badly he wanted his father gone, he couldn’t do it. He felt pathetic for thinking it, but he knew it was the truth. 

“No,” Dean groaned as he saw the weapon that Thomas yeilded. 

“What? I thought you had a heat kink?” Thomas smiled, holding the blowtorch up in his hand. “I know Jason does.”

Dean looked up at Thomas, their eyes meeting. “Stop.”

“Ya know, the second time you and Jason met up, he really liked that one,” Thomas said, slowly walking up to Dean. 

“He loved it, he thinks about it all the time,” Thomas whispered right in front of Dean. Dean turned away as Thomas’s lips grazed Dean’s cheek. “Your hot sweaty body pressed against each other in that sticky attic, the blanket beneath you, sticking to your bare back. How hard it was for him to hold back his moan as your hot breath and mouth clung to his neck.”   
“Stop,” Dean whined, forcing himself to pull away from Thomas. 

“I knew it was still in there for you,” Thomas laughed as he took a step back, “You still like him.”

Dean decided to stay silent. He knew he thought about Jason a lot. A lot more than he should. It was some of the only moments in his life where he felt peace. He had never felt so comfortable with someone who wasn’t Sam. He hated how emotional it sounded, but he couldn’t deny it. 

“Alright, each sound is another two,” Thomas declared, kneeling down, “Let’s see how you do.”

Dean looked down, not even bothering to cover the fear on his face. He watched as Thomas turned the torch on, putting right underneath the arch on Dean’s foot. 

If Dean had had more time to see what was going to happen he knew his scream wouldn’t have been as jolting and loud as it was. 

“Really?” Thomas cocked his head. 

Dean’s head hung low, his breathing slow. He had burned a few times before, but never like this. A whole fucking blowtorch metling his skin. 

“Please, what do you want?” Dean said, “There’s gotta be something you could use.” 

His breath was still shaking with each sentence he spoke, but he tried to sound a bit stronger just to help his own ego. 

“Like what?” Thomas asked, and Dean felt the heat be placed right on the same exact spot. Dean gripped the chains above him, letting out a groan that slowly turned into a shout. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Thomas sighed, placing the blowtorch on Dean’s heel. 

Dean lost his footing with this one, making him gasp in pain as he fell into the blowtorch. He felt the flame go along his heel and up his leg. 

Thomas laughed, getting back up from the ground. “Idiot.” 

Dean gasped for air, still able to feel his skin burning. He thought he could smell it. He could smell the stench of his skin blackening and crisping, but he also knew it was just his imagination. 

“The only thing I want is your father,” Thomas said, his voice lowering, “I want his bloody face inches from mine as I snap his neck. As I can feel his soul leave his body.” 

“Why don’t you take your pictures and leave us?” Dean said. He had been trying to not think of Sam, but the haunting silence coming from the rest of the house was starting to grow on Dean. 

“Oh, would you quit it already?” Thomas sighed, “You’re just so fucking annoying.”

Dean felt confused by Thomas’s attitude, but he also wasn’t sure if he wanted to keep Thomas in this mood.

Thomas knelt back down with the blowtorch in hand and held it on Dean’s other foot. 

Dean cried out, and his cry only got louder. The blowtorch remained steady on Dean’s foot, making Dean lurch out, trying to get away. 

“Please!” Dean shouted, his voice broken and tired. Dean knew he had tears building up, but he couldn’t even care. He did hate how pathetic he was right now, tossed around, raped, and hanging helplessly now. 

Thomas finally let go of the blowtorch, looking at Dean. He placed a finger along Dean’s face, grazing the little bit of stubble Dean had on his cheek. 

Dean flinched away, feeling his body tremble in fear. 

“I’m breaking you,” Thomas whispered into Dean's ear, smirking as he walked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I know it's a little shitty for how short it is, but I promise I'm back. I had a whole bunch of problems the last few months, and writing was really not what I wanted to be doing. I guess that's just this entire year, but thanks for those who stuck through! Hope you enjoyed and if you have any requests for another fic or something with this one please comment! And R.I.P Chadwick Boseman.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy! If you have any suggestions/ideas for this fic or others let me know!

CHAPTER THIRTY

_ Sam glanced around the room he was in, he didn’t recognize it, but he knew it was some shitty motel room. He also knew that he could’ve stayed in this motel for a month and he wouldn’t even remember. His whole childhood was motels.  _

_ Sam gently brushed the curtain away, trying to see if he could see anything that would help him understand where he might be. Or when he might be.  _

_ He walked over to the bed, opening up the bag that sat on the bed. He didn’t understand why he could touch the items here, probably because it wasn’t even a memory of Dean’s it was all just bullshit.  _

_ Sam padded through the various articles of clothing, but he couldn’t remember any of them from him or Dean.  _

_ Sam walked over to the bathroom, thinking there was a possibility someone was in there. He froze as he saw an all too familiar image. He saw the bloodied white tile, bandages sprawn open, a putrid stench washing up into his nose, and the bag of ice left to melt.  _

_ Sam knew where he was now. It was Bobby’s room. This was the hunt the four of them had in Utah back in 1997. Sam had been 14 for a while by then, making Dean 18. Sam had been left with Bobby to man the cameras as Dean and their father went into the building trying to get the ghost. It was one of the hardest cases the Winchesters had ever seen, so when the cameras went out for a few minutes and turned back on to reveal a glorious John and a beaten Dean there was no question, but now Sam knew a bit more about his father. He had always known their father Dean, he knew cause he had tried to hit Sam once. Sam swore he never heard Dean’s voice sound so fearful. Sam had felt himself get a little scared. When Dean tried he could be the scariest and most intimidating person Sam ever met.  _

_ But Sam could never put together why later that night, a couple hours after the hunt why John had come back with Dean limping under his shoulders. Him and Bobby had stayed inside watching M.A.S.H, but his father and brother decided otherwise. They said they had to go fix up the car or something like that.  _

_ Sam walked away from the bathroom, rubbing his eyes. He didn’t understand why Alice had sent him after the event already happened. He knew this night, he was there. Well, he didn’t really know why Dean looked the way he did. Bobby and his father always said he was jumped.  _

_ Sam looked back to the living area of the room, and he remembered it now. Dean being walked in by Bobby who was swearing incoherently while glaring at their father. Dean stumbling over a shirt on the ground, groaning as he fell down.  _

_ Sam felt sick to his stomach, he had forgotten about this night though. He did remember it, but he shoved it back far into his head. Another forgotten night in his life.  _

_ He now knew there was no way Dean was jumped. He was sold off again, or his father gave him a beating of a lifetime for messing up with the ghost or basically any reason for their father to hit Dean.  _

_ Sam heard the door open, and he watched as younger versions of himself, Dean, his father, and Bobby all filed through the door.  _

_ Sam watched the young him walk right over to the empty bed and turn the TV on.  _

_ Sam felt himself get annoyed with his young selfs actions. If he had just paid attention he might’ve seen what was happening to his brother, but he hated being a hunter so much he assumed it was always the only thing they ever talked about. Now Sam had to admit he doesn’t think he’d be himself if he wasn’t hunting. _

_ Sam turned away from himself, looking over to the other three now sitting at the little desk, and Dean sitting on the edge of the bed.  _

_ “Did you get a good look of the guy?” Bobby asked Dean.  _

_ Sam looked over to Dean and saw how Dean sniffed and then made direct eye contact with Bobby, “No, he was a bit shorter than me, and his hair looked pretty light. Maybe glasses I don’t know.”  _

_ Sam knew Dean was lying. By the way he acted before he spoke, the way he tried just a little too much to make his voice aloof. Everyone knew Dean had a careless tone when he spoke sometimes, but Sam could always spot out the fake one.  _

_ “You really got nothing,” Bobby said annoyed, he looked over to John, “You see him?” _ _   
_ _ “Uh, no, only got a punch in, then the son of a bitch ran,” Their father said, lying through his teeth.  _

_ Sam knew, and Sam also knew that Bobby did as well.  _

_ “Alright,” Bobby nodded, “We’re gonna go out for a drink and talk, you two can sleep in here it’s fine.” _

_ Sam remembered this, him and Dean had found some porn channel, and Sam honestly didn’t want to watch it but Dean found it funny seeing Sam all bothered, so Sam left it on. Sam remembered him being scared for Dean, so when Dean finally smiled he left it on.  _

_ They ended up falling asleep here too, Bobby and their dad never came back until the morning.  _

_ “Call me if you need me, boys,” John said as he opened the door.  _

_ Sam quickly followed the two men out the door, knowing they were the reason he was here.  _

_ Sam watched as Bobby lead them through the parking lot and out to the little tennis court near the back of the motel.  _

_ “What the hell is wrong with you?” Bobby glowered at his father.  _

_ “What?” John said, looking confused. _

_ Bobby groaned, “John, if you don’t tell me the truth right now I will take these boys to the cops and put your ass in jail.” _

_ Sam looked at Bobby in awe. He still hadn’t fully understood why Bobby didn’t take Dean away from their father completely, rather than a few weeks here and there.  _

_ He now saw that Bobby couldn’t do anything. Their father could get Bobby caught by the cops, and Bobby could do the same. They both had the same leverage, and it wasn’t like there was any evidence of what was happening to Dean. And Dean never would’ve confessed the truth either. So Bobby did what he could and just stuck with them, watching over them.  _

_ Sam watched as his father shifted his stance and looked around at the motel, “What do you think happened?”  _

_ “I think you threw that boy a beating back with the ghost and then sold him off again,” Bobby looked furious. Sam noticed how Bobby was struggling to keep his voice down as he glared right into John Winchester.  _

_ “Jesus no,” His father shook his head in disbelief, rummaging through his pocket only to pull out a cigarette. “I wouldn’t sell him off after what happened back at the bank.” _

_ “What happened there by the way?”Bobby interrogated, “He just happens to be black and blue the second the power goes out?”  _

_ “I put him as bait, alright?” John blew out a long puff of smoke right towards where Sam was standing off to the side.  _

_ Bobby shook his head, looking down to the ground. “And later?”  _

_ “I hit him.” _

_ “You hit him?” _

_ Sam felt the long trail of smoke float by his ear.  _

_ “Jesus, Bobby, just tell me what you want,” John said impatiently, throwing his smoking hand down to his side in annoyance.  _

_ “The hell did he do to make you need to cripple him?”  _

_ “I told him to do something and he said no.” _

_ “You realize he’s eighteen?” Bobby sighed.  _

_ “You think he’s close to being anything of a man?” John laughed, smoke creeping out of his mouth, “You’ve always liked him too much.” _

_ “He’s more of a man you’ll ever be, John, “ Bobby said, “They’re staying with me for a few weeks. I’ll make some bull how you have a case.” Bobby began to walk away, satisfied with what he said.  _

_ “Bobby-” John started, but soon stopped, “Fine, what do you expect me to do? Just drive out of town?” _

_ Bobby turned around, stopping to look back at Sam’s father, “Stay the hell away from my boys you son of a bitch.”  _

_ Sam smiled a bit as Bobby said that, happy that Bobby is a part of his life now. His life would’ve somehow been even worse without Bobby.  _

_ Sam felt the familiar tug of darkness and had confusion wash over him. It was so sudden to leave, he had only seen them talk.  _

_ - _

Sam gasped, lurching forwards. His wrists dragged along the edge of the cuffs, making him cringe and pull back. 

Sam looked up, breathing heavy. He saw Alice standing there, holding a bloody knife in her hand. 

“What the fuck was the point of that?” Sam asked, annoyed that he was gone so soon. 

Alice walked up to his Sam, a small smirk appearing on her face. “You still don’t want to tell me where your father is?” 

Sam went to say no, but then his gut pulled him back. He knew he would never be able to hide how big of a lie that was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it as good of a coolish "twist" I hoped for haha? Hope you liked it! And please any suggestions for this fic or others let me know!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!! There are some degrading terms mentioned btw!

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

Sam sat in the corner of the room, gently tossing the chain in his hands. He was now chained to the wall with each hand, but each chaine had at least ten feet on it. He was able to walk around just a bit and stand to stretch. 

It had been days. Alice slowly stopped sending him into Dean’s rape memories. Sam was happy about that part, but now he got to listen to the occasional scream of his brother. 

Sam knew what they were doing. And they knew that Sam knew. They weren’t trying to break Dean, they didn’t care if they did. They were trying to break him, and Sam was fully aware of that fact. He knew the exact location Bobby and his father would have met up by now. But his choice was to tell them, have Bobby and their father be killed, leaving Sam and Dean left with these people, or maybe they would let the brothers go like they promised. 

Sam had learned by now to not trust that many demons. 

But if he waited for Bobby and his father to come and save them it might be too late for Dean. 

Sam had noticed how Dean had been quiet for a while now. It had been over a day. Sam was unsure if he was thankful for that or not. 

Dean could be too hurt to even be tortured, or he could be dead. Sam honestly didn’t know which was worse at this point. 

Sam dropped the chain he was fiddling with. Alice or Thomas would come in soon. Sam had picked up on the amount of time in between each water or food giving. 

Sam closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall. Sam thought back on when he had found Dean in the alley. Dean had gone through so much that night and he played it off like he was fine. Dean went through terrible things every single day and still managed to be the light of Sam’s life. 

But Sam had seen Dean raped. That was going to change everything, whether Sam wanted it to or not. 

Sam opened his eyes again, completely in shock of how fucked his life really was. They were hunters, and the amount of shit their father put them through was enough. He had sex trafficked his own son multiple times. 

Sam sighed, wishing he could think of anything else for more than five seconds. 

-

Dean sat in the corner of the room, leaning forwards to relieve the tightness on his back. He was staring at the door ready for them to come back in. It had been a whole day, which was weird to him. They had started giving him bits of water or food here and there, but it had been a long time. 

Dean didn’t mind that much, most of the time when they came in one of them decided to take a piece out of Dean each time. 

Dean had managed a few hours ago to get his clothes from the other side of the room, but walking over on his feet was difficult since he had to avoid the massive blisters that had formed. 

Dean couldn’t even believe the pain he would feel from his back. The other day Thomas had come in and decided he should clean Dean up and poured a gallon of alcohol on Dean’s back. 

Dean didn’t even know he could scream that loud. He had never felt pain that immense before. Dean had also never passed out from pain before. 

They had done other things, but every single one had finally taken it’s toll on Dean. 

He knew it was stupid that he had gone up and gotten his clothes, but he felt empty and alone. His clothes just felt like a percentage of protection. He had wasted so much energy for them though, and he was aware of that as well. 

He could barely keep his eyes open, and in the past few days he had maybe a total of five hours of sleep. He had never felt this used and exhausted in his whole life. They didn’t even chain him last time they left, they knew how dead he was. 

Dean slowly rose his hand up and pulled his t-shirt on his head harder, feeling a sudden burst of coldness. He hadn’t put his shirt on since it hurt his back too much. 

Dean heard noise coming from somewhere far away. He brushed it off, thinking it was the train that came through wherever he was. 

Dean heard another noise, now deciding to perk up. This was finally Alice and Thomas, coming for the daily torture session. 

Dean knew he wasn’t going to be able to take it. He was going to pass out the first second he felt pain. His body couldn’t take it. He was done. Dean didn’t care; he just knew he couldn’t do it. 

Dean heard a slight clink of the door, squinting as light shone into the room. Dean didn’t look up, instead he turned away, not caring how much that would piss Thomas off. 

“Dean.”

Dean shot his eyes up, meeting John Winchester.

“No,” Dean shook his head, leaning back into the wall. He couldn’t take this, he couldn’t do it. Two or three days ago Alice came in as Sam, creating him as a vision in Dean’s head. Dean had felt so confused and hopeless after. He thought Sam and him were out of this hell. 

“Dean,” John said again, lightly touching his shoulder, not even questioning when his son flinched at his touch. “Bobby’s got Sam, let’s go.”

John stood up, sticking his hand out for Dean to take. 

Dean looked at it, debating if he should fall for the trap. He knew it could be Alice, or someone else. He also knew he wouldn’t be able to walk through this room, so he might as well pretend. 

Dean took his father's hand, forcing his broken body to stand. He gasped as he applied too much pressure on his left foot, making him grip onto his father. 

John quickly moved under Dean, holding almost all of him up. 

Dean fell into it, grateful for the release. This hadn’t happened when she was Sam. He was forced to walk on his feet. 

“Dean!” Sam called out, rushing up to Dean. 

Dean opened his eyes in shock as he felt Sam’s arm replace his fathers in seconds. 

“Sam?” Dean questioned.

“We’re okay now,” Sam said, only loud enough for the two brothers to hear. 

Bobby looked at the boys in front of them, both of them tired and broken. Bobby honestly couldn’t tell who looked more hurt. He knew looking into Dean’s face that a part of Dean was gone. Bobby didn’t understand how but he knew something happened here.

“What happened to your feet?” Sam asked his brother as he led them down the stairs. 

Dean didn’t understand what was happening, he could barely even see anything. 

“Burned,” Dean muttered, his eyes growing heavy, “I can’t walk, Sam.”

-

“Dean!” Sam called out, falling into the wall beside him with his brothers crushing weight on top of him. Sam himself was weak, but Dean was even worse.

Sam slowly slid down against the wall, making sure to keep his hands off of Dean’s spots he knew were hurt, but he didn’t know what else hurt anymore. 

“What the hell did these people want from you?” Bobby asked, quickly going over to the hurt brothers. He gently pulled Dean up, Sam coming up as well. 

Bobby looked at Sam, but saw that Sam just had his eyes plastered onto Dean’s body. 

“Sam?” Bobby said a little louder, he knew that they had to get out of here quickly. Get Dean and Sam somewhere and fix them up. 

Sam looked at Bobby and Bobby saw the beginning of tears sitting in Sam’s eyes. Bobby watched as Sam’s gaze went over to his father, the pain in his eyes only growing. 

“We have to go,” Bobby said, stepping in front of John, making sure to keep Dean up. 

Sam shook it off, just focusing on getting Dean out. 

Bobby felt sick. Dean’s back looked raw, and he got a good look at Dean’s feet when he was on the ground. 

The thing that was breaking Bobby the most was the words carved into Dean’s chest. Bobby couldn’t keep himself from looking back to whore written into Dean’s collarbone. The word slut was right on his stomach. Bobby felt pure hatred go through him as he saw fag right above his stomach. 

“They uh,” Sam said as they slowly made their way down the stairs, “Wanted Dad for something.” 

“Sam,” Dean muttered, looking around as he slowly woke up. 

“Hey,” Sam said, kicking the door in front of them open. Sam saw Alice’s body on the floor, a bullet wound in the middle of her forehead. 

“Wait, where’s the guy?” Sam asked. 

“Outside,” John said, opening the door that led to outside. 

The men followed, all focused on keeping Dean up. 

“Is he dead?” Dean asked, and Sam knew why. 

Sam wasn’t sure if he would ever look at Jason the same even if he was possessed. 

“Don’t know, stabbed him with your knife and left him,” John shrugged, motioning over to where Jason’s body was lying. 

“Sam,” Dean accidentally let out a groan of pain as his feet hit the ground too hard, “We can’t leave him.”   
“I know,” Sam sighed. 

Sam was about to tell his father to hold Dean up with Bobby, but he quickly went against that. 

“I’ll get him,” John huffed, walking away from the group. 

“He needs to leave,” Sam said, opening the door to the back seat. Him and Bobby helped Dean in the car, and Sam slid in beside him. 

The last five minutes felt like they had never happened. Bobby had just walked right into Sam’s room, and they were out. It was happening so quick. 

Sam knew Bobby had heard him, but Bobby was deciding to remain quiet. 

Dean sat in the car, grabbing his knees and leaning forwards. Sam assumed it was to make his back feel better, or to cover up his chest. 

Sam wanted to murder them. He wanted to be the one to shoot Alice in the head. The one to stab Thomas. He didn’t even care that it was Jason, there was too much hatred for him to care. 

Sam watched as his father helped Jason into his truck. 

“Are you good?” Dean asked, looking over to Sam. 

Sam paused and debated not even answering and asking Dean if he was, but he knew the answer to that, and so did Dean. 

“No. We’re not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're out! Hope you liked it, and lmk any suggestions or ideas!


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning, this ones really short, like really short. But hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

Sam looked at Jason on the couch, who was peacefully sleeping. 

Sam twirled the pen around his fingers, staring at Jason. All he could see was Thomas thrusting into his brother. Sam felt nauseous each time he thought of it, but now with Jason here it’s all he could think. 

“You need to sleep,” Bobby said, slowly coming into the room. 

“Can’t,” Sam said simply, finally letting the pen fall onto the table as he got up. Sam walked into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. 

“I know you two have had a rough few weeks, but you have to rest, Sam,” Bobby said, following Sam into the kitchen. 

Sam swallowed his sip of water, fully appreciating it. 

Him and Dean were in there for eleven days, but they had both thought it had been not as long. 

Dean wasn’t talking either. He would answer questions, but he wouldn’t talk to any of them for more than five minutes. Sam wouldn’t either. There was nothing to say. He didn’t know what happened to Dean, but he had seen enough with Thomas to know it wasn’t good. 

Sam was still disgusted by the permanent markings on his brother's body. Sam knew Dean lost any amount of self respect the second Sam saw him raped. So those words carved into his skin weren’t helping either.

“Sure,” Sam shrugged, looking over at Bobby. 

Bobby sighed, and decided to grab a beer from the fridge. Bobby popped it open, took a sip, and leaned back. “Has he said anything yet?”

“No,” Sam shook his head. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Bobby said, “And you’re not lying about you? Nothing happened?”

Sam debated telling Bobby, since this was the most either of the men had spoken since the day he saved them. 

“Nothing, they left me to listen to his screams,” Sam said simply, staring at the glowing time on the microwave, “I knew when they hurt his back. I heard his scream like it was right beside me. He was sobbing at the end of the scream, crying for God. But then it just cut off. I think he blacked out.”   
Sam barely heard Bobby swear, but it felt like Bobby wasn’t there. He was just reliving what happened, the images like a slideshow in his mind, “I knew when they burned him too, I could smell it. And all I was going through was dumb little flashbacks. Alice sent me back to memories Dean had, or events connected to us. And every single one was Dean being raped, or beat, or molested by our father. Did you know he thought Dean was pretty? Just like Mary.” 

Sam finally woke from his trance, a little surprised by what he had said. “Thomas raped him too,” Sam looked away from Bobby’s pale face, “I could hear him moaning.”

Sam laid his eyes on Jason’s body, wanting to kill him. He had thought about doing it last night. He felt the knife in his belt as he stood beside the man. All he could think about doing was pushing it through his neck. 

“Sam,” Bobby said, putting a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I love you.”

Sam felt himself being pulled into Bobby’s hug. Sam quickly put a hand on Bobby’s shoulder, overcome by the warmth of Bobby’s hold. Sam took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt himself get overwhelmed and he felt tears slip from his eyelids. He only started crying harder when he felt the slight sob escape his lips. 

He couldn’t do it. He had been so quiet for Dean. He had to seem okay for so long with Dean. But now neither of them were okay anymore.Sam didn’t have to hide it. Dean was broken. But Sam was breaking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's REALLY short but I felt like I had wrote what I liked for the story. But I promise the next chapter will be longer! As always thank you and lmk any suggestions! :)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) Hope you enjoy! This one is longer than last time haha!

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

Dean looked at himself in the mirror, disgusted by what he saw. He looked at the writings on his chest, and he knew they were all true. The amount of times he had been fucked was disgusting, whore was only true. 

Dean swallowed the heavy lump in his throat, feeling pure hatred. He looked himself dead in the eyes in the mirror. He was trying to understand himself, why he was like this. Why it was always him, but even within seven days nothing had come to him. He just hated himself. He wasn’t mad about it either. He recognized how disgusting he was, how broken and sad. 

Dean finally knew he wasn’t okay. He saw that his life wasn’t normal, it was horrible. But people would only look at him like he was some disturbed freak. 

Dean let his eyes wander down to fag written on his stomach. That one was hurting the most. 

Dean didn’t want to even admit it, but the various words written on him were hurting him the most. 

There were others, Dean hadn’t been able to look at them yet. He could feel them, and he knew where they were, he just wasn’t able to force himself to look. 

“Hey,” Dean heard Sam’s voice from outside the door. Dean quickly grabbed a belt, securing it around his pants. “Dean?”

“Yeah,” Dean called back, “One sec.”

Dean heard the door open and he quickly turned around, trying to untangle his shirt quicker. His eyes met with Sam’s face. 

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Sam quickly looked away from his brother, “I heard you say come in, sorry.”

“Jesus Christ, Sam,” Dean shook his head as he threw his t-shirt on over his wounds. “It’s fine, you’re making it seem like you shot me.” 

Dean actually was mad that his brother had walked in, but Dean wasn’t going to say anything. He didn’t want anyone looking at his body. His back and all the writings made him feel weak. 

Well, Dean did want help with his back. It hurt so fucking bad when he tried to clean it or bandage it, but the only reason he wouldn’t let people help is the words written on him. 

“You’re walking?” Sam questioned, looking down at Dean’s triple bandaged feet. 

“Kind of,” Dean shrugged, “I don’t last long.”   
Dean grabbed a hold of his crutch and leaned with his left side. One of his feet hurt more than the other, so using the crutch helped him a little bit. 

“I tried to shower this morning,” Dean said as Sam held the door open for him. Dean waved his newly bandaged hand up in the air. 

“Dean, what the hell?” Sam quickly shot back, “Why didn’t you get help?”

“What so you and Bobby can help scrub my ass?” Dean remarked, knowing Sam wouldn’t fully get it. 

Dean was thankful for having Sam. But in times like these Sam was always the last person Dean wanted to talk to. Talking to Sam made him feel like he had to act okay since he didn’t want to see Sam hurt. 

Dean also knew that Sam didn’t fully get it. Sam understood it, but he would never fully feel what Dean had gone through for the past six years. 

“Dean,” Sam started, but then stopped. He knew Dean was right. There wasn’t much they could do for Dean. He couldn’t get his back wet right now. 

“What did Bobby make for dinner?” Dean asked, trying to change the conversation. 

“I don’t know, I wasn’t with him.”

Dean could hear the tone of Sam’s voice. He was annoyed. Dean couldn’t tell who he was annoyed with or what he was annoyed with, but he was definitely annoyed. 

Dean stopped walking, staring at the stairs. He had only gone up twice, and down once. And he had decided today he was doing it. Dean assumed that’s part of the reason Sam was acting so tense. 

The last time Dean tried to go down he nearly fell off the side of the stairs from how badly he stepped down on his feet. 

Dean knew he would be better now. It had been a whole week since Bobby and their father got them. 

“You ready?” Sam cautiously asked, looking over Dean’s shoulder trying to see the stairs beyond his brother's shoulders.

“Sure,” Dean said, grabbing the railing with a strong grip. He put his first foot down, wincing as he felt his blistered foot rage in return. 

“Shit,” Dean hissed in pain. 

Sam noticed how white Dean’s knuckles were from him gripping the railing. He wanted to pick Dean up and carry him down to save his brother all of this unnecessary pain but he knew Dean would never go along with that. 

“Sam,” Dean breathed. He only made it down two and he felt like he could pass out. “Can you stand beside me?”

“Yeah,” Sam snuck his way beside Dean, putting an arm around Dean. He knew this was helping, even if the process was slow it was doing something. 

About three minutes later the boys had made it to the bottom of the stairs. 

Dean quickly got himself back under his crutch and away from Sam. It hurt Sam that Dean was barely talking to him, or barely even looking at him. Sam wasn’t stupid, he knew why. 

“Dean,” Sam quickly said, getting Dean to look back at him, “Jason is in there by the way. We can tell him to leave if you want.”   
“No,” Dean quickly said, “It’s fine.” 

Sam looked at Dean hesitantly, “You sure?” Sam himself didn’t even like looking at Jason, he was a little shocked that Dean cared so little. Sam couldn’t stand being around Jason. Just yesterday he went to get a beer and saw Jason was up in the living room. 

Sam had stopped at the end of the stairs, trying to see why Jason was just kneeling on the ground. It all clicked when he heard a quiet sob come from Jason. 

Sam hadn’t said anything. He just turned and went back up the stairs, not even caring. He knew he should feel bad but he can’t manage an ounce of sympathy. And he’s starting to get mad at himself for it. He knows it wasn’t Jason but he can’t look at him without thinking of what he did to Dean. 

“Hey, Dean,” Bobby said as Sam and Dean walked into the kitchen. 

Sam was so grateful for Bobby. Without him this whole situation would feel forced, but Bobby makes it normal and relaxed. There’s no problem when Bobby can ease the tenseness with a simple smile and hello. 

“Hey,” Dean said, grabbing a chair and pulling it out. Sam sat down beside Dean, looking over to Bobby who was taking a pie out of the oven. 

“Hope you boys like shitty pot pie,” Bobby chuckled as he placed the pie on the towel set in the middle of the table. 

“Thanks,” Dean smiled, leaning his crutch against the table beside the edge of his chair. 

Sam scooted his chair over to let Bobby walk behind his chair. They all had a side of the table since Bobby’s kitchen wasn’t really known for being a social gathering place.

Sam grabbed a knife and cut into the pie, realizing how hungry he really was. This was the first time they had made an actual dinner, every other night has been snacks or takeout. Sam had discovered at a young age that takeout never really filled him up. 

“Where’s Jason?” Dean asked as he took a sip of his water.

“Uh, in the living room, I think,” Bobby shrugged, “Could’ve slipped out to the garage while I was in here.”

Dean peered over the wall until he could see the living room and he saw what he was looking for. He could see Jason’s feet hanging off the edge of the couch, looking as if he was dead.

“Jason!” Dean called out, trying to suppress a smile as he watched Jason quickly wake up and stumble to sit up. “Come get some food while it’s still warm.” 

Sam looked over at Dean, completely taken back by his brother's new attitude he had seen in the last ten minutes. This was the first bit of emotion he was seeing that wasn’t pain. 

Sam heard quiet footsteps growing closer, and finally Jason made his way into the kitchen. He took a seat in the chair across from Sam. 

This was the first time Dean and Jason had even been in the same room since Bobby had saved them. Sam had no idea what to expect. He wasn’t sure if Dean was going to regret this in one second, or if Dean was doing this because he was in the same situation as Sam. Maybe he just hated him. 

“You know there’s an air mattress downstairs, right?” Dean asked Jason, looking up to meet him. The second Dean made eye contact with Jason he felt a rush of peace surge through him. It felt like the last drop of a raging storm that was ready to calm. Dean couldn’t explain it, but all of the pain he had been feeling basically felt subdued. Everything that had ever happened to him felt like some bad nightmare. 

“Uh, no,” Jason said, his slight Texas drawl slipping through. Dean had forgotten Jason had a slight accent. 

“Huh, I thought Sam had told you,” Bobby said, glancing over to Sam disapprovingly. 

Sam decided to stay silent as Jason looked at him. Dean acting perfectly normal with Jason being here was only edging Sam on. Sam hadn’t felt this infuriated at something that wasn’t his father in a long time.

“Well, thanks, now I know,” Jason said, grabbing a slice of pie. 

Dean noticed how Jason wasn’t looking up, and if it was it was for a split second, and it was just to glance at Dean or Sam. Dean understood why Jason was like this, he felt as if it was him who had broken him and Sam. But Dean couldn’t care anymore. He knew it wasn’t Jason. The entire time he had known. He knew it was stupid but that fact was one of the only things that had gotten Dean threw that week. He didn’t want to feel so connected to Jason for not knowing him that well, but somehow he was. 

“What have you been doing in the garage?” Bobby asked Jason, taking a bite of his food. 

“I found this old car out in the lot, only needed a little paint and help on the inside and it’s good to go,” Jason shrugged, shoving his food around with a fork. 

Dean could hear the caution in Jason’s voice with every word he spoke. He clearly was uncomfortable with the situation. But Dean didn’t care. He needed this. 

“I’m done with this,” Sam said suddenly, pushing his chair back as he stood up. “This is fucking unbelievable.” 

Sam quickly walked out of the room, unable to stand what he was watching. 

“I’ll get him.” Bobby huffed, following the angered man outside, leaving Dean and Jason alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you have any requests or ideas lmk!


	34. Chapter 34

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR 

Dean looked over at Jason, waiting for the man to look back at him. 

“Jason,” Dean quietly said, trying to urge him to look up at him. 

Jason still refused to make eye contact with Dean, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Dean quickly said, “I don’t want to hear what you have to say yet. I need you to know I’m not mad at you.”

With those words Jason looked up at Dean, but Dean didn’t take much notice. He needed to get something out. 

“I know it wasn’t you. I know it was Thomas. And yeah it’s a little disgusting to look at you. But I thought when I first saw you I wasn’t going to be able to even speak,” Dean said, clenching his jaw, “But here I am. Able to have a whole conversation with you. And you know why.”

Jason looked back down, taking a deep breath. “I tried to push him out, I tried to get out of his grip. But Thomas had me locked down. I’m sorry, Dean. I really am.”

“I am too,” Dean sighed.

“I never meant for him to do that.”

Dean knew Jason knew it wasn’t his fault. Jason just didn’t know what to say. 

“Did you know my father tried to fuck me one night?” Dean quietly said, “He thought I looked like my mother when he was drunk.”

Dean stared mindlessly, his eyes burning a hole into the table. “There was just one night he couldn’t resist. I got him off me, but ever since that day I have never been able to look at him without thinking of it.” 

“And then Thomas fucked me. And the only thing that seemed worse than you fucking me seemed like my brother. But I was wrong. Thomas knew things about me because of you.”

“Dean,” Jason started. 

“How do I tell my brother he took our fathers face as he fucked me for hours?” Dean said. His voice had no emotion. It was hollow and tough. 

“When he first fucked me as you, I thought I was done. I couldn’t take it anymore. And then somewhere in your head he got the idea of Dad,” Dean said, slightly shaking his head, “I’ve never…” Dean stopped talking, not wanting to finish that sentence. 

“Dean, I’m sorry for what happened to you. It was wrong and horrible. You don’t deserve it,” Jason said, wishing Dean would look back up at him. 

“I should be scared of you,” Dean said, “But I’m not. You were the one person who made me think I could actually escape my father. And for some stupid fucking reason I still think you can.”

“I’m not the one to talk to,” Jason said, not meaning it rudely. He just knew how close Sam and Dean were. 

“I want to talk to Sam, but I have no idea what to say,” Dean said. 

“Then talk to him when you’re ready,” Jason said, “And believe me, you will eventually. Somehow you managed to survive everything that’s ever happened to you. You walk away from everything, Dean. You might walk away hurt, but you always manage to see something to live for.”

Dean felt tears building up in his eyes, and it wasn’t because of what Jason said. It’s just Dean knew what he felt, and he was scared of it. He didn’t see why he should take to Sam. He couldn’t name a reason why he should. He just wanted to. But Dean was scared. Dean knew why his brain was refusing to think of a reason. 

He couldn’t see anything to live for anymore. 

-

“Sam Winchester, what the hell is wrong with you?” Bobby snapped at Sam, stopping the man as he stood beside the Impala. 

“I can’t sit in there as Dean pretends to be okay for all of us,” Sam raised his voice, his anger pouring out in one large wave, “How is he even talking, Bobby? After all the shit he’s been through I would be an emotionless slate of nothing! I would have killed myself! And somehow he still manages to shove it down and treat himself like he is nothing, and never sees the problem with it.” 

“I don’t know,” Bobby said. 

“I mean, he’s sitting in there right now talking to the body that raped him! And he has no problem with it! What the fuck is wrong with us?” Sam nearly shouted, “It seems Dean can’t go more than a year without someone wanting to rape him! How am I supposed to help him if it never stops? I can’t do it Bobby. If it happens again, I can’t do it.”   
“Sam, shh,” Bobby quietly said, trying to calm the enraged brother. “It won’t. You two are safe now. We’re not letting it happen again.”

Sam closed his eyes and all he saw as Dean’s chained and weak body rocking back and forth as Thomas pounded into him. Sam swallowed his spit and bunched his eyebrows. “You can’t do anything Bobby. You tried for years. And look where that got him. In the same dump our father got him. Raped and hurt and broken.”   
“Sam,” Bobby tried. 

“And even after all of that we’re still going to pretend it never happened? Has the past five years taught you nothing? Cause I learned from it. I learned how tough and scared Dean really is. I’ve seen sides of him in the past two months I’ve never seen in twenty years. And we’re not throwing that away by pretending this never happened. I’m not letting him fall back.”

“You coming here was to let you heal up, not just Dean,” Bobby said, “It’s not just Dean who’s gone through a lot.”   
“I’ve gone through nothing compared to him,” Sam said surely. 

“That doesn’t matter. You’re both not okay, boy,” Bobby said sadly, “How are you going to help him if you’re not even okay?”

Sam thought back to when Bobby said that to Sam in the hospital. Sam couldn’t believe that was the simplest and easiest it was going to get. 

“I don’t know what to do Bobby,” Sam shook his head, his stern voice finally dropping. 

Bobby slowly nodded, looking away from Sam as he spoke, “Neither do I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this helped clear things up haha! I understand that last chapter was a tad confusing since I didn't do enough build up or proper explanation besides a few hints! But I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
